Joke Thread 5
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Yorkieguy
Established Member
Doug B
Shy Tot
not this?
Doug B
Shy Tot
Phil Pascoe
Established Member
When its a good idea to keep your thoughts to yourself.
Went to Jewsons yesterday.
Two fat travellers at the counter buying a pick axe head, handle and two rakes.
I enquired if they were setting up a burial business.
I've never run out of a place as fast in my life.
Went to Jewsons yesterday.
Two fat travellers at the counter buying a pick axe head, handle and two rakes.
I enquired if they were setting up a burial business.
I've never run out of a place as fast in my life.
Yorkieguy
Established Member
Doug B
Shy Tot
To cheer myself up during this lockdown I've ordered myself brand new walking boots plus socks, new walking poles, a new rucksack, a thermal wooly hat and matching top of the range waterproof trousers and jacket, a new tartan thermos flask, plus...
Sorry.......... I'm starting to ramble!
Sorry.......... I'm starting to ramble!
Jaco
Established Member
The Pope wakes up one morning to find he has a severe case of morning wood, he tries to ignore it, gets out of bed, opens the curtains and gazes across the city, reads from the Bible, checks notes for the next sermon, but it just won't go away.
Having failed to subdue it he decides to he'll have to deal with it, drops his pyjama trousers sits on the edge of the bed and takes himself in hand so to speak, just as he finishes he looks up and sees a paparazzi photographer has climbed up onto his balcony and is snapping away through the window.
His Holiness rushes over having pulled up his trousers and flings open the balcony door
" Please you can't publish those pictures you'll ruin me and do irreparable harm to the church" he says.
"Sorry" replies the photographer "but these will make me a lot of cash"
"Look let me buy the memory card and destroy it" Asks the Pope
"Ahh sorry this camera doesn't use memory cards it has a large internal hard drive instead!"
The Pope replies "OK then let me buy the camera, I appeal to you on behalf of the whole Catholic faith, those pictures can not be published just name your price"
After some haggling a deal was done, the hard drive was wiped and the camera left on a table near the balcony door.
A couple of days later a workman came to deliver a new rug and sees the camera, "looks like you've been taking photos of the city your holiness, you must have some great shots from here"
"I'm sorry, what do you mean?" says the Pope
"Well your camera's here by the balcony door, so I thought you'd been taking photos"
"Uhhh, yes, yes that's right I was taking photos" is the reply
The workman says, "that's an impressive looking camera, if you don't mind me asking how much did that cost?"
"50,000 Euros" says the pope
"Bl**dy ****, 50,000 Euros? The guy who sold you that must have seen you coming!"
Having failed to subdue it he decides to he'll have to deal with it, drops his pyjama trousers sits on the edge of the bed and takes himself in hand so to speak, just as he finishes he looks up and sees a paparazzi photographer has climbed up onto his balcony and is snapping away through the window.
His Holiness rushes over having pulled up his trousers and flings open the balcony door
" Please you can't publish those pictures you'll ruin me and do irreparable harm to the church" he says.
"Sorry" replies the photographer "but these will make me a lot of cash"
"Look let me buy the memory card and destroy it" Asks the Pope
"Ahh sorry this camera doesn't use memory cards it has a large internal hard drive instead!"
The Pope replies "OK then let me buy the camera, I appeal to you on behalf of the whole Catholic faith, those pictures can not be published just name your price"
After some haggling a deal was done, the hard drive was wiped and the camera left on a table near the balcony door.
A couple of days later a workman came to deliver a new rug and sees the camera, "looks like you've been taking photos of the city your holiness, you must have some great shots from here"
"I'm sorry, what do you mean?" says the Pope
"Well your camera's here by the balcony door, so I thought you'd been taking photos"
"Uhhh, yes, yes that's right I was taking photos" is the reply
The workman says, "that's an impressive looking camera, if you don't mind me asking how much did that cost?"
"50,000 Euros" says the pope
"Bl**dy ****, 50,000 Euros? The guy who sold you that must have seen you coming!"
Jaco
Established Member
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