Joke thread

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I've never got the whole joking French cowardice thing. Only reason the Germans didn't clean sweep western Europe with blitzkrieg was the fact that particularly bad weather meant Operation Sealion could not take place immediately. If not for the channel it would all have been over on the Western front by 1940. That winter gave the UK just enough time to prepare for the battle of Britain etc. There was epic counts of bravery and heroism on all fronts. Just as the cruelties of war were also played out on all fronts by all sides.
My grandfather would never talk about the war. So many years later he could never bring himself to talk of what he saw or did. I remember as a young kid eating round my other grandparents. A friend of theirs was there and he ate all the fat and gristle on his plate. I was a bit leery because personally my family didn't eat that. You're talking pork chop fat. I was 7 maybe. But then when everyone had finished their plates he took the leftovers off the other plates. Scraped them onto his plate and ate them too. It sounds horrific telling it like that but no one said anything and just carried on the conversation like it was normal. As a kid I was proper shocked but my mum gave me the 'shut your hole Right Now' look. And you know. Ok. Being 7 I knew to be quiet.
When we were driving home she explained he'd been captured by the Japanese and starved for years. I'll never forget that moment in my life.
Going on now in Ukraine and it's the same old sh**. Normal people from both sides dying and suffering for the sale of a handful of old maniacs.
I saw today on the news about people donating to Ukrainian civilians, clothing and bedding and so on. Medical supplies being in desperate shortage. I'll be sorting through some stuff tomorrow. Might help a small bit.
Sorry if I went on a bit there.
 
It is the joke thread so heres one:
In the pub one night the husband leans over and asks his wife,
'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went
behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'
'Yes', she says, 'I remember it well.'

'OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for
old time's sake?''Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy but good idea!'

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation
and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by
walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.

The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence,
the old man moves in...
Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen.
This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning
and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed! He thinks he has learned something about life and old age
that he didn't know. After 10 minutes lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggles to their feet and puts their clothes back on.

The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask
them what their secret is. So, as the couple passes, he says to them,
'Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together.
Is there some sort of secret to this?'
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply...

'Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence'
 
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I don't think I'm racist. But I CAN see the funny side of MOST jokes mate. And the comments I made were EXACTLY relevant to your own post.

P.S. So glad you're in good health mate.

Edit for P.S. For the "benefit" of finney, and in the interests of accuracy): I'm not xenophobic either. I married a "Jenny furriner". I'd better say "Jenny" and not "Johnnie" just in case someone starts jumping to unwarranted conclusions about my sexual proclivities! :cool:
I didn't suggest you were a xenophobe or racist. I didn't suggest that about the original person who posted that joke either. Maybe they were ignorant about how offensive that joke was before they posted it.

It does interest me that a moderator has got involved in the discussion but hasn't removed the offensive content. And it interests me that my comment prompted others to double down on the content. That tells me this isn't a forum for me. And that's a shame - because the woodwork content is very good and I think I have things to contribute to that. But for me the racist / sexist content of this joke thread is toxic. It's the same as going to a great restaurant to discover the chef doesn't wash his hands after using the bathroom. Once you know that, you don't eat the food no matter how tasty.
 
But for me the racist / sexist content of this joke thread is toxic

Oh grow up, stop being offended by everything. I bet you're a millennial ? I'm right aren't I ? I can tell just by the way you're acting. You feel like you're entitled to tell other people what they can and can't say, what they're allowed to find funny.

Everyone else here is having fun, the only one being "toxic" is you.
 
It does interest me that a moderator has got involved in the discussion but hasn't removed the offensive content.

Oh REALLY finney! Whoever posted that was most likely aware that taken at face value, that joke COULD be seen as offensive, but like everyone else here, has displayed what I'd call the typical Brit tolerance and typical Brit black humour - and even though the mod concerned isn't a Brit (I guess that as he's moderating a Brit Forum we ought to let him be "an honorary Brit)?! :cool:

IMO - and it seems that of at least the majority on here too - you really do need to "calm down dearie" and not take things so seriously. AND if you like the woodworking content on here, but if your sense of humour is SO fragile, I suggest you just stop reading the jokes thread. AND you don't have to enter the Forum via the "What's New" route either, so you really could insulate yourself from all this "offensive" stuff .
 
Oh grow up, stop being offended by everything. I bet you're a millennial ? I'm right aren't I ? I can tell just by the way you're acting. You feel like you're entitled to tell other people what they can and can't say, what they're allowed to find funny.
I bet he sharpens using a jig.

:eek:
 
Some 20 years ago I had a huge paperback of tasteles racist jokes, some were hilarious, some to me not so. The compiler made a point in the intro though - he hadn't found a joke that hadn't been found somewhere else in the world in different forms, the stupid Irishman in England, the stupid Pole in Chicago, the stupid Greek in Sydney and so on. It's human nature.
 
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Swissair, before going bust, were in Basel (I was in adjacent building) - and I think their successor was as well -

Incorrect niemeyjt! The Swissair HO was always in Zürich (building is still there, on the R of the Autobahn as you approach ZRH airport from ZRH city, it's called Balsberg). The "Swissair office" in Basel was actually the Crossair building, renamed when Moritz Suter (Crossair founder and CEO) took over as Swissair CEO (and lasted in that post for less than 3 months!).

Swiss Air International (the follow-on from Swissair after Swissair went bankrupt - which is a wholly-owned subsidiary of Lufthansa, the German airline BTW - has offices in several cities here.

Swissair cancelled (firstly) ALL flights after going bust, then started flying again with a V limited timetable for quite a short while until the new "Swiss Air Lines International" (today's "Swiss" for short) was up and running.
 
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