Dont give up the day job lol
Joke thread
- Thread starter Noel
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Now i know where the saying " A Greek Tragedy" comes from
selectortone
Still waking up not dead in the morning
Meanwhile, sperm banks all over the country are experiencing shortages because all the w*nkers are queuing, with 3/4 full tanks, at petrol stations.
That’s no joke…
Robbo3
Established Member
A cat died and went to Heaven. God met the animal at the Pearly Gates and said, “You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking.”
The cat thought for a moment and then said, “All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard, wooden floors… I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on.” God said, “Say no more.” Instantly, the cat had a HUGE fluffy pillow.
A few days later, 12 mice were simultaneously killed in an accident and they all went up to Heaven together. God met the mice at the Gates of Heaven, with the exact same offer that He made to the cat.
The mice said, “Well, we have had to run all of our lives… from cats, dogs, and even from people with brooms. If we could just have some little roller-skates, we would never have to run again.” God answered, “It is done.” All the mice had beautiful little roller-skates.
About a week later, God decided to check on the cat… He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow. God gently awakened the cat and asked, “Is everything okay? How have you been doing? Are you happy?”
The cat replied, “Oh, everything is just WONDERFUL… I’ve never been so happy in my life! My pillow is always fluffy and those little “Meals-on-Wheels” that You have been sending over are delicious!!
The cat thought for a moment and then said, “All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard, wooden floors… I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on.” God said, “Say no more.” Instantly, the cat had a HUGE fluffy pillow.
A few days later, 12 mice were simultaneously killed in an accident and they all went up to Heaven together. God met the mice at the Gates of Heaven, with the exact same offer that He made to the cat.
The mice said, “Well, we have had to run all of our lives… from cats, dogs, and even from people with brooms. If we could just have some little roller-skates, we would never have to run again.” God answered, “It is done.” All the mice had beautiful little roller-skates.
About a week later, God decided to check on the cat… He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow. God gently awakened the cat and asked, “Is everything okay? How have you been doing? Are you happy?”
The cat replied, “Oh, everything is just WONDERFUL… I’ve never been so happy in my life! My pillow is always fluffy and those little “Meals-on-Wheels” that You have been sending over are delicious!!
Blackswanwood
Still Learning
Blackswanwood
Still Learning
Blackswanwood
Still Learning
stuart little
Established Member
Groan!
selectortone
Still waking up not dead in the morning
While out on a hunting expedition, a man is climbing over a fallen tree when his shotgun goes off, hitting him straight in the groin.
Rushed to hospital, he awakes from the anaesthetic to find the surgeon has done a marvellous job repairing the damage but looking at his member there still appear to be some holes.
As he dresses to go home, the surgeon wanders over and explains that due to the amount of damage there needs to be 2 to 3 months of the flesh healing before he can complete the repairs, he then hands him a business card. ‘This is my brother's card. I'll make an appointment for you to see him.’
The guy is shocked. ‘But it says here that he’s a professional flute player,’ he says. ‘How can he help me?’ The doctor smiles. ‘Well,’ he says, ‘he’s going to show you where to put your fingers so you don't p**s in your eye.
Rushed to hospital, he awakes from the anaesthetic to find the surgeon has done a marvellous job repairing the damage but looking at his member there still appear to be some holes.
As he dresses to go home, the surgeon wanders over and explains that due to the amount of damage there needs to be 2 to 3 months of the flesh healing before he can complete the repairs, he then hands him a business card. ‘This is my brother's card. I'll make an appointment for you to see him.’
The guy is shocked. ‘But it says here that he’s a professional flute player,’ he says. ‘How can he help me?’ The doctor smiles. ‘Well,’ he says, ‘he’s going to show you where to put your fingers so you don't p**s in your eye.
selectortone
Still waking up not dead in the morning
Wildman
Established Member
the streak
Doug B
Shy Tot
bushwhaker
Established Member
MorrisWoodman12
Established Member
Husband is walking along behind his wife and says “Your backside looks like an old washing machine”.
The wife remains silent.
Later on the husband is getting amorous.
His wife says “I’m not starting my washing machine for such a small load. You'll have to do it by hand.”
The wife remains silent.
Later on the husband is getting amorous.
His wife says “I’m not starting my washing machine for such a small load. You'll have to do it by hand.”
Wildman
Established Member
any work in progress vids, plans etc, ha ha
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