Joke Thread 5
- Thread starter Noel
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Phil Pascoe
Established Member
He's worth £55, I'm sure that's the least of his worries.
Doug B
Shy Tot
Jaco
Established Member
Myfordman
AKA 9Fingers
John Brown
Freeloading Social media influenza
I remember that cartoon from Punch, IIRC, about 50 years ago. Still makes me laugh.
Last edited:
John Brown
Freeloading Social media influenza
Jeez! I'm worth more than that!
Robbo3
Established Member
The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said, "Who owns the big white horse outside?"
The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, "I do... Why?"
The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you'd like to know that your horse is about dead outside from heat stroke!"
The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion.
The Lone Ranger got the horse water and Silver was starting to feel a little better. The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver waving your blanket and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better."
Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe." and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink.
A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, "Who owns that big white horse outside?"
The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, "I do. What's wrong with him this time?"
The cowboy looks him in the eye and says, "Nothing, but you've left your ***** runnin'."
The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, "I do... Why?"
The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you'd like to know that your horse is about dead outside from heat stroke!"
The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion.
The Lone Ranger got the horse water and Silver was starting to feel a little better. The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver waving your blanket and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better."
Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe." and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink.
A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, "Who owns that big white horse outside?"
The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, "I do. What's wrong with him this time?"
The cowboy looks him in the eye and says, "Nothing, but you've left your ***** runnin'."
Jaco
Established Member
I lived in a houseboat for a while, and started seeing the girl next door.
Eventually we drifted apart.
My boyfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of his Honda Civic.
I refused. If I'm going to have sex, it is going to be on my own Accord.
A man tried to sell me a coffin today.
I told him, that's the last thing I need.
The neighbourhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs.
We had been his customers for 8 years. We had no idea he was a barber.
100 years ago everyone had a horse and only the rich had cars. Nowadays everyone has a car and only the rich have horses.
Oh how the stables have turned.
My boyfriend was dying. I was by his bedside when he said something with a weak voice, "There's something I must confess."
"Shhh" I said "There's nothing to confess. Everything is alright."
"No, I must die in peace" he said, "I had sex with your sister, your best friend and your co-worker."
"I know" I whispered, "That's why I poisoned you... Now close your eyes."
Did you hear about McDonald's trying to get into the high end steakhouse market?
It was a Big McSteak.
Eventually we drifted apart.
My boyfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of his Honda Civic.
I refused. If I'm going to have sex, it is going to be on my own Accord.
A man tried to sell me a coffin today.
I told him, that's the last thing I need.
The neighbourhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs.
We had been his customers for 8 years. We had no idea he was a barber.
100 years ago everyone had a horse and only the rich had cars. Nowadays everyone has a car and only the rich have horses.
Oh how the stables have turned.
My boyfriend was dying. I was by his bedside when he said something with a weak voice, "There's something I must confess."
"Shhh" I said "There's nothing to confess. Everything is alright."
"No, I must die in peace" he said, "I had sex with your sister, your best friend and your co-worker."
"I know" I whispered, "That's why I poisoned you... Now close your eyes."
Did you hear about McDonald's trying to get into the high end steakhouse market?
It was a Big McSteak.
Doug B
Shy Tot
Yorkieguy
Established Member
Yorkieguy
Established Member
Yorkieguy
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Yorkieguy
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Yorkieguy
Established Member
Yorkieguy
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Yorkieguy
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