Wildman
Established Member
all jokes are out of order on some level time we gave up having a sense of humour.
Joke thread
- Thread starter Noel
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Steve Beck
Member
Great craftsmanship, keep up the good work
Blackswanwood
Still Learning
Just saw a bloke in Tesco buying 10 six packs of San Miguel, 20 paella ready meals, 10 boxes of tacos and 3 sombreros.
I thought here we go again … Hispanic buying …
I thought here we go again … Hispanic buying …
bushwhaker
Established Member
Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having *** behind her back.
I replied: "Hell, yes, who did you think it was!"
I replied: "Hell, yes, who did you think it was!"
Jester129
Established Member
Apt, given your name!
Wildman
Established Member
err 67
John Brown
Freeloading Social media influenza
She's probably closer to 80 by now.
Cozzer
Established Member
In addition to my "S'funny, the things that inspire songwriters to put pen to paper" occasional series, I should also mention the great Willie Nelson.... It was after many years working at a garbage disposal facility that he wrote "Aint it funny how slime tips away...."
Cozzer
Established Member
Even the Rogers and Hart songwriting team were adept at forming lyrics for vocalists based on earlier experience.
The unforgettable Ella Fitzgerald, who'd been a milliner specialising in male headgear for a good few years, inspired the words
"We'll have man hat on..."
The unforgettable Ella Fitzgerald, who'd been a milliner specialising in male headgear for a good few years, inspired the words
"We'll have man hat on..."
Well at this rate she will have a telegram from the queen tomorrow..
Cozzer
Established Member
Only if the delivery man's got any fuel...
Cozzer
Established Member
A further, and far more recent example of "S'funny, the things that inspire songwriters to put pen to paper" would be R.Kelly and "I believe I can fly...."
Perhaps he wishes he had done....
Perhaps he wishes he had done....
Doug B
Shy Tot
"OLD" IS WHEN..... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Choose one, I can't do both!"
"OLD" IS WHEN.. Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
"OLD" IS WHEN. A sexy babe catches your eye and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
"OLD" IS WHEN.... Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... You are cautioned to slow down by.... The doctor instead of by the police.
"OLD" IS WHEN... "Getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fibre today.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
"OLD" IS WHEN.... An "all-nighter" means not getting up to wee
"OLD" IS WHEN.. Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
"OLD" IS WHEN. A sexy babe catches your eye and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
"OLD" IS WHEN.... Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... You are cautioned to slow down by.... The doctor instead of by the police.
"OLD" IS WHEN... "Getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fibre today.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
"OLD" IS WHEN.... An "all-nighter" means not getting up to wee
Blackswanwood
Still Learning
Cozzer
Established Member
The world in 2021.
This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody.
There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.
Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.
Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody`s job.
Everybody thought Anybody could, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn`t do it.
It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.
This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody.
There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.
Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.
Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody`s job.
Everybody thought Anybody could, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn`t do it.
It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.
Zedgeezer
Established Member
"OLD" IS WHEN.... you totally understand every comment above.
Blackswanwood
Still Learning
Jester129
Established Member
A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is
assigned to helping the other monks in copying
the old canons and laws of the church, by hand.
He notices, however, that all of the monks are
copying from copies, not from the original manuscript.
So, the new monk goes to the Old Abbot to question
this, pointing out that if someone made even a small
error in the first copy, it would never be picked up!
In fact, that error would be continued in all of
the subsequent copies.
The head monk, says, "We have been copying
from the copies for centuries, but you make a
good point, my son."
He goes down into the dark caves
underneath the monastery where the original
manuscripts are held as archives,
in a locked vault that hasn't
been opened for hundreds of years.
Hours go by and nobody sees the Old Abbot.
So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him.
He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing.
"We missed the R! We missed the R! We missed the bloody R!"
His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably.
The young monk asks the old Abbot, "What's wrong, father?"
With a choking voice, the old Abbot replies,
"The word was ...
CELEBRATE!"
assigned to helping the other monks in copying
the old canons and laws of the church, by hand.
He notices, however, that all of the monks are
copying from copies, not from the original manuscript.
So, the new monk goes to the Old Abbot to question
this, pointing out that if someone made even a small
error in the first copy, it would never be picked up!
In fact, that error would be continued in all of
the subsequent copies.
The head monk, says, "We have been copying
from the copies for centuries, but you make a
good point, my son."
He goes down into the dark caves
underneath the monastery where the original
manuscripts are held as archives,
in a locked vault that hasn't
been opened for hundreds of years.
Hours go by and nobody sees the Old Abbot.
So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him.
He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing.
"We missed the R! We missed the R! We missed the bloody R!"
His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably.
The young monk asks the old Abbot, "What's wrong, father?"
With a choking voice, the old Abbot replies,
"The word was ...
CELEBRATE!"
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