Joke thread

[Robbo3]

Podraig is walking past the barn, spots Shamus dressed as a Chippendale gyrating around a large Massey Ferguson
"What the heck are yuse up to Shamus" he says
Shamus, red faced and perspiring.
" I have a fierce lust upon me fer that new barmaid, but she doesn't seem to notice me at all.
I went to the doctor to get some advice, and he told me to try doing something sexy to a tractor"

 

[Doug B]

 

[mikej460]

During a pub quiz, I sneakily called my wife and asked 'Which is the largest state in the USA? Your sisters good on geography'
'Alaska' she replied. I said 'Well, hurry up, there's 8 pints riding on this..'

 

[Doug B]

 

[dzj]

 

[selectortone]

 

[TRITON]

 

[Doug B]

 

[Phil Pascoe]

That reminds of the Dublin bus and tram - should have gone to Specsavers.

 

[Daniel2]

View attachment 114579

This one is actually true.
It happened in Cornwall. Last week, I believe.

 

[Cabinetman]

If I had been quicker with my camera/phone I would’ve got a picture just like that of an Arctic reversing out of a no entry and on the side of the lorry it said " we know the way "

 

[Jameshow]

View attachment 114579

Glad it wasn't me when I drove for them!!

Cheers James

 

[Jameshow]

View attachment 114579

Door to door delivery even to the garage freezer.....!

 

[NickWelford]

Glad it wasn't me when I drove for them!!

Cheers James

I did too. This was my van one day

Had to be recovered. Chiller full of food written off.

 

[Jameshow]

I did too. This was my van one day

View attachment 114591
Had to be recovered. Chiller full of food written off.

Ouch where did you work?

I worked out of otley 591.

I enjoyed it. Before the pandemic and ocardo did much of Waitrose deliveries it was a cushy job, now I think it's alot more hectic.

Cheers James

 

[Turnr77]

If I had been quicker with my camera/phone I would’ve got a picture just like that of an Arctic reversing out of a no entry and on the side of the lorry it said " we know the way "

You saw the Arctic reversing? Is this due to global warming?

 

[Doug B]

 

[Sandyn]

Last night, my wife looked into my eyes and said; if anything happened to me, she would be totally lost without me, then paused ..... As she was speaking I was thinking awwww how sweet.......she continues, so can you make sure you put the instructions for the navigator somewhere I can find them!!
Last I saw her, I could hear muffled instructions coming from her backside..."Turn left at the end of the corridor"

 

[Cozzer]

A pal of mine has just had confirmation that he's colour blind.
"Did you have no idea?" I asked.
"Nope," he replied, "came right out of the orange..."

 

[Jonzjob]

You saw the Arctic reversing? Is this due to global warming?

It was probably a freezer lorry?