Joke thread

[NickWelford]

Ouch where did you work?

I worked out of otley 591.

I enjoyed it. Before the pandemic and ocardo did much of Waitrose deliveries it was a cushy job, now I think it's alot more hectic.

Cheers James

Stamford 484. Very “Waitrose” country. I managed 6 years but when the new vans came in last year it became a bit too much.

 

[Garden Shed Projects]

Stamford 484. Very “Waitrose” country. I managed 6 years but when the new vans came in last year it became a bit too much.

Not exactly Vietnam gents

 

[Jameshow]

Not exactly Vietnam gents

I know but it's as good as it gets!

Still get nightmares of Citrix logins! But it has prepared me well for NHS S1 logins!!! Not to mention looking after old folk!

Cheers James

 

[Stanleymonkey]

Not exactly Vietnam gents

You can see these two down the pub:

I hurt my leg in 'Nam

...Chippenham - dropped a crate of artichokes on it.

 

[Blackswanwood]

 

[Jameshow]

 

[D_W]

View attachment 114696

Shouldn't be given they're clearly allowing a couple of americans to swim in the town pool.

 

[Doug B]

 

[Ithica]

Q why was the Amish girl excommunicated?
A Too Mennonite.

 

[Cozzer]

Two girls talking....
"Fred's gone and left me in the proverbial - lots of debts, no real future, no qualifications, maybe homeless soon if I can't find the rent..."
"Desperate times for you, then. I don't like admitting this, but when I was in a similar position some years ago, I did a bit of prostitution to make ends meet!"
"What?! I don't believe you!"
"Its true! Not proud of it, but it solved my problem!"
She went on to explain the ropes : how to stay safe, don't stay in the car too long, watch out for any boys in blue, etc.
A week went by, and the girls met again.
"How'd you get on?"
"Not bad. Had a bit of a weirdo last night, but followed your advice, and got rid of him very quickly! And the money is certainly going to help...."
"Good to hear it! Out of interest, how much did you make last night?"
"Seven pounds 10p"
"10p?!! Who gave you the 10p?!"
"They all did...."

 

[selectortone]

I picked up a hitchhiker last night. He seemed surprised that I’d pick up a stranger. He asked, “Thanks but why would you pick me up? How would you know I’m not a serial killer?”.
I told him the chances of two serial killers in a car would be astronomical.

 

[selectortone]

 

[Doug B]

 

[AES]

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh, Doug, perleeez!

 

[Doug B]

 

[Jester129]

 

[Ithica]

Bob Monkhouse - when I told my family I wanted to be a comedian they all laughed. Well, they're not laughing now.
(Apologies if this brilliant piece of wordplay has been on before).

 

[Trainee neophyte]

 

[John Brown]

I picked up a hitchhiker last night. He seemed surprised that I’d pick up a stranger. He asked, “Thanks but why would you pick me up? How would you know I’m not a serial killer?”.
I told him the chances of two serial killers in a car would be astronomical.

True, but if you start from the point of one serial killer in the car, then the chances that the hitchhiker is a serial killer are exactly the same as if the driver is a greengrocer.
Classic misunderstanding of the laws of chance.
I think an earlier version of this joke involved taking a bomb with you when travelling by plane, on the grounds that the chances..... Etc.



Analyzing humour is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.

E. B. White(no relation).

 

[Cordy]

I am now proud to announce that I am selling all my Adult toys.
I hope no one is embarrassed to ask for them.
I have all kinds, sizes and styles according to your needs.
Discretion is guaranteed!!

Inbox me if you have any questions.

I have everything listed below...
Zimmer frames, wheelchairs, oxygen tanks, walking stick/canes, disposable diapers etc