Joke thread

[ecokestove]

A group of blokes, all aged 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Chichester Arms because the waitresses had ample bosoms and wore mini-skirts.

Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Chichester Arms because the food and service was good and the beer selection was excellent.

Ten years later, at age 60, the friends again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Chichester Arms because there was plenty of parking, they could dine in peace and quiet, and it was good value for money.

Ten years later, at age 70, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Chichester Arms because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and had a toilet for the disabled.

Ten years later, at age 80, the friends again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Chichester Arms because they had never been there before

 

[stuart little]

View attachment 114070

Who are they?

 

[stuart little]

View attachment 114070

Who???

 

[Doug B]

Who are they?

The good lady wife informed me they are the England players who missed penalties recently.

 

[mikej460]

Welcome to the World Springboard Diving Championships, coming to you live from the Dordogne

 

[Cordy]

Golden Oldie


Albert wakes up in hospital after a terrible car crash with no *****.

The Doctor says 'This is the best hospital in the country for ***** transplants.
We have an English one for £4000, we have a Scottish one for £6000 and a West Indian one for £8000 it will take 5 minutes no problem'

Albert says 'I always discuss financial matters with my wife. She's in the waiting room'
' I'll get her' says the Doctor.

Five minutes later the doctor returns "Have you made a decision"?

Yes says Albert "We're having a new kitchen"

 

[Blackswanwood]

 

[Blackswanwood]

 

[dzj]

 

[Stan]

@Ithica above

English is just French pronounced badly. - Georges Clemenceau

 

[Doug B]

 

[Robbo3]

 

[Ithica]

From Facebook Marketplace (French Buy and Sell) advertisement for a metal engineers work bench. In French with an English translation.
'.........is equipped with a perforated grilled frame to hang all types of tools. For transportation to ensure 4 good guys, little skinny nervous will make others tired...'

 

[dzj]

 

[Robbo3]

 

[dzj]

 

[Ithica]

'How to hang a door for Idiots' chapter 96. Handles go on well, spindle not sticking, mortice lock working. Steps back to admire handiwork .........

 

[Stan]

Lol.

Reminds me of these I saw a little while ago....

Obviously the worker didn't use the 6 p's - planning and preparation prevents p*** poor performance.

Compact, or what.....?

 

[dzj]

 

[Garno]

Sean is the vicar of a Protestant parish in Dublin and Patrick is the priest at the Roman Catholic Church across the road.
One day they are seen together, erecting a sign which says:

"THE END IS NEAR.
TURN YOURSELF AROUND NOW
BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE."


As a car speeds past them, the driver leans out his window and yells,
"Leave people alone, you religious nutters. We don't need your lectures."

From around the next curve they hear screeching tyres and a big splash.

Shaking his head, Father Patrick says "Dat's da terd one dis morning’."
"Yaa," Sean agrees, then adds, "Do ya tink maybe da sign should just say ….

"BRIDGE CLOSED"?