Cozzer
Established Member
Must have had matching collar and cuffs or he wouldn't have known she was blonde.
Quite.
It is a joke, y'know! Not an episode of Silent Witness!
Joke thread
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Quite.
It is a joke, y'know! Not an episode of Silent Witness!
Robbo3
Established Member
Little Sean was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her, "Grandma, what's that called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?" She was a little taken aback, but she decided to tell him the truth. "It's called sexual intercourse, darling." Little Sean said, "Oh, right." Satisfied with the answer he went back outside to play with the other kids. A few minutes later Sean came back in and said angrily, "Grandma, it isn't called sexual intercourse. It's called Bunk Beds. And Liam's mum wants to talk to you."
Blackswanwood
Still Learning
selectortone
Still waking up not dead in the morning
Mary had a little lamb
It had a sooty foot
And every where that Mary went
It's sooty foot he put
It had a sooty foot
And every where that Mary went
It's sooty foot he put
Doug B
Shy Tot
A friend has 2 tickets in a corporate box for the England v Italy game on Sunday. He paid £3000 each, but he didn't realise when he bought them months ago that it was going to be the same day as his wedding! If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place...
It's at Nottingham Registry Office, at 4pm. Her name is Sharon -- she's 5'4", about 8 stone, quite pretty, has her own income and is a really good cook! Oh and double jabbed!
It's at Nottingham Registry Office, at 4pm. Her name is Sharon -- she's 5'4", about 8 stone, quite pretty, has her own income and is a really good cook! Oh and double jabbed!
sploo
Somewhat extinguished member
That reminded me of the excellent XKCD strip: Meltdown and Spectre
(though granted, it's a very technical/geek gag that's going to be meaningless to non-computing nerds)
Inspector
Nyuck, Nyuck, Nyuck!
There once was a woman who begat
three babies named Nat, Pat and Tat.
It was heaven in the breeding
and hell in the feeding
because there was no *** for Tat.
Pete
three babies named Nat, Pat and Tat.
It was heaven in the breeding
and hell in the feeding
because there was no *** for Tat.
Pete
Mary had a little bike, and rode it on the grass.
And every time the wheel went round, a spoke stuck up her a**
And every time the wheel went round, a spoke stuck up her a**
Trainee neophyte
Established Member
My older sister had a little poem she was fond of at the age of about 8, back in the days of 3 day weeks and power cuts etc:
Mary had a little lamb, she thought it rather silly
She threw it up into the air and caught it by the
Willy was a sheepdog, lying in the grass,
Along came a snake and bit it on the
Ask no questions, tell no lies,
I saw a policeman doing up his
Flies are a nuisance, bees are worse,
This is the end of my silly little verse.
Why can i remember that from a previous centuary, but not where i just put my pencil?
I'll try to find something slightly more grown up next time, and a tad more up to date.
Mary had a little lamb, she thought it rather silly
She threw it up into the air and caught it by the
Willy was a sheepdog, lying in the grass,
Along came a snake and bit it on the
Ask no questions, tell no lies,
I saw a policeman doing up his
Flies are a nuisance, bees are worse,
This is the end of my silly little verse.
Why can i remember that from a previous centuary, but not where i just put my pencil?
I'll try to find something slightly more grown up next time, and a tad more up to date.
This is the second stage in the "Mary had a little Lamb" school of binging up children. Stage 1 is when baby is in mother's arms, and mother is crooning to her:
"Mary had a little Lamb
It's fleece was white as snow
And everywhere thatMary went, the Lamb was sure to go"
Ahhhhh . . . .how sweet!
Stage 2 is when toddler goes off to kindergarten and infants' school, and comes home with the version you mentioned, designed to annoy infant school teachers:
"Mary had a little lamb
She also had a bear
I have often seen her little lamb
But never seen her . . . "
Then, a few short years later, she goes off to big school, and comes back with the Stage 3 version, designed to annoy secondary school teachers:
"Mary had a little Lamb
She kept it in a bucket
And every time the Lamb got out
The bulldog tried to ……put it back in again"
Finally, if all goes well, she's off to uni, and comes back with Stage 4; the undergraduate version:
"Mary had a little Lamb
mmm . . . . ..
That's what you get from sleeping in the sheep shed"
John Brown
Freeloading Social media influenza
What's the difference between a dachshund and a street trader?
One bawls his wares on the pavement.
One bawls his wares on the pavement.
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