Joke thread

[Doug B]

 

[guineafowl21]

Interested to see someone taking offence at jokes targeting a characteristic they have, but presumably chuckling at jokes aimed at others. Here’s my attempt at a universally non-offensive joke:

A man walked into a bar. It was an iron bar. Ouch.

“Hey, that’s not funny - I suffered life-changing injuries from an iron bar.” Sincerely, Phineas Gage (look it up).

Dammit.

 

[Just4Fun]

Interested to see someone taking offence at jokes targeting a characteristic they have, but presumably chuckling at jokes aimed at others.

Who was it who said that the essence of good humour is that it should happen to somebody else?

Anyway, have you noticed the type of humour where people taking offence is built in to the joke? For example, the other day I told the old epileptic joke. You know the one:

Question: What do you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in the bath?
Answer: Throw your washing in!

When I told this joke one of the group took offence because his brother has been an epileptic and he died in the bath. Of course I apologised and said I didn't realised his brother had drowned. Well, it turns out he didn't drown. He choked on a sock.

 

[guineafowl21]

It’d be pretty quiet here if each joke had to be crafted not to single out a particular characteristic or event.

I recently felt a jolt of annoyance at the old ‘British bad teeth’ stereotype being trotted out on Family Guy. Then I realised I had just chuckled at a scene showing Irishmen boozing and fighting.

No-one should be safe from humour, if it’s to be truly egalitarian. If a joke feels targeted at you, you shrug it off with a wry smile, in the knowledge that everyone else is a ‘target’ too.

 

[Cozzer]

Why do 'trouser coughs' smell?

So deaf people can appreciate 'em...



(Prepares to get roasted)

 

[Doug B]

 

[dzj]

 

[RobinBHM]

This is actually true, but there's a joke in it.....

Tomorrow I have a dental appointment at two- thirty.


It's not a joke for me, A great big filling fell out and I think I will have to have the tooth extracted leaving me with the only option of an implant

 

[Inspector]

Old joke Robin. Appointment at tooth hurty.

I do sympathize with the dilemma. If one tooth (depending on where in your mouth) live with the gap, implant or you get a partial plate.

Pete

 

[D_W]

For father's day, I got a pen that writes upside down.


It can write lots of other words, too.

 

[D_W]

This is actually true, but there's a joke in it.....

Tomorrow I have a dental appointment at two- thirty.


It's not a joke for me, A great big filling fell out and I think I will have to have the tooth extracted leaving me with the only option of an implant

Well, if you have to make up for a tooth gap by getting bigger ****s, I guess you gotta do whatever works.

 

[Jester129]

Less about bigger ****s, if you please. I'm on tablets for an enlarged prostate. Bet you can't guess what they give you! And that's no joke, I can assure you!

 

[TRITON]

Who was it who said that the essence of good humour is that it should happen to somebody else?

Anyway, have you noticed the type of humour where people taking offence is built in to the joke? For example, the other day I told the old epileptic joke. You know the one:

Question: What do you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in the bath?
Answer: Throw your washing in!

When I told this joke one of the group took offence because his brother has been an epileptic and he died in the bath. Of course I apologised and said I didn't realised his brother had drowned. Well, it turns out he didn't drown. He choked on a sock.

My mate pulled off a belter in a Glasgow pub, deep in the east end, known as a gangster hangout(also his friends)
At a party my mate got one of the guests to ask one of the gangsters about his sister piano playing abilities. It was a set up start to finish, led into it like a sheep to slaughter.
Gangster says.
Think thats funny ??, think you're having a F***** laugh ?? with the straightest face ever. And it went on like that for a bit before he says, My Sister has thalidomide.
Mortification from the party guest, mate says he didnt know what to do. Though he was going to get stabbed or shot or something till my mate burst into laughter.
Oh those east end party jokes, a real laugh

Same mate when we visited a pub that was pretty much just working fishermen, and we all were pleasure sailing in full hobby sailing attire. bit of a ruckus starts, one of what seemed like the biggest guy in there coming out with a fair bit of sarcasm, could have gotten nasty until my mate grabbed this guy by his belly fat, and went flooby flooby flooby. Place went quiet, then the big guy burst out laughing. All ok after that.

 

[Blackswanwood]

 

[Blackswanwood]

 

[RobinBHM]

Old joke Robin. Appointment at tooth hurty.

I do sympathize with the dilemma. If one tooth (depending on where in your mouth) live with the gap, implant or you get a partial plate.

Pete

Unfortunately I've already got some teeth missing, so do want to lose this molar too.

Dentist is going to try and fill it again.


I saw the dentist at tooth hurty and I came out at wallet hurty

 

[dzj]

 

[Phil Pascoe]

There was an edition of the Sally Army mag. War Cry in the mid '70s that had a photo of a girl athlete doing the splits with the title under it reading "Is faith no more than a crutch?".

 

[Stan]

Advert for a hair salon seen on a noticeboard at work, contained the sentence:

"If we can't make you look good, you ugly!"

 

[Jester129]