Joke Thread III

[selectortone]

Mods: may I suggest we split the grammar posts off into a new thread so we can get back to the jokes? Thank you.

 

[Doug B]

 

[Linus]

Those extra 2 letters might (of) have caused a serious set back in my recovery . But on a serious note in today's society spelling and abbreviation have gone out of the window if you really want to make changes to that you need to start at the early learning stage not with us Old ones I'm not asking for a manuscript to be proofed . ITS A JOKE THREAD

Beat me to it! Just goes to show the difference between literacy and intelligence - endless, tedious quotes on a joke thread!

 

[TRITON]

A nod's as good as a wink..

OH a WINK.
And I was thinking, no it isn't.

 

[Cozzer]

Strange, when the Jokes Thread occasionally veers off-course, how the same folk always chime up, complaining about the lack of amusement.
Are these the same folk who seem never to actually contribute jokes themselves?
The same folk who moan about the quality, or the fact that they heard it X years ago?
Hows about renaming the section "Brand new, never ever heard before, Barry Cryer-quality only" jokes?

 

[dzj]

 

[Daniel2]

Beat me to it! Just goes to show the difference between literacy and intelligence - endless, tedious quotes on a joke thread!

True intelligence is surely measured by acknowledging how much we don't know, not by showing off, and belittling others in the process, the tiny amount that we do.

 

[Sachakins]

True intelligence is surely measured by acknowledging how much we don't know, not by showing off, and belittling others in the process, the tiny amount that we do.

But how do you know how much you don't know, when you don't know what you don't know. Even when you know you now know more, you'll still never know how much you don't know, however much more you get to know.

If you know what I mean!

 

[JimJay]

I think the whole point is that the way a beautiful language is mistreated by many of its "teachers", and massacred by the majority of its users is nothing short of a joke. It's true that it's not a very funny joke - but that goes for many of the "real" jokes here as well....

 

[Majimoto]

 

[dzj]

 

[Keith Cocker]

Can I genuinely ask why so many people are using the word "of" instead of "have" these days?

Comprehensive schools? Americanisation of Society Mobile phones Stupidity Idleness

 

[Phil Pascoe]

There is no verb "to of".

 

[IZZY]

I can not believe that two little letters could of awakened the correctness brigade into trying to get the joke thread ended again just get a life and move on (please excuse any mistakes in the preceding post)

Please do not get started on the mathematical abilities of teachers and the general public. Oh dear I just did.

 

[IZZY]

There is no verb "to of".

I always thought that "of" means " multiply."

 

[IZZY]

View attachment 153250

It's true . Romance IS dead.

 

[Sachakins]

 

[fezman]

One for our lady members

 

[fezman]

My mate Pedro's son is 4 and he can't say please in Spanish.

That's poor for 4 int it?

 

[Cordy]

Golden Oldie

A man walks into a Greek tailor’s shop carrying a pair of torn pants.

Tailor: Euripides?
Customer: Yes. Eumenides?