Joke Thread 5

[artie]

Is that your final answer?

yes.
1278 Guineas would be £1341 and 18s


Edit to add

£1278 an 18s would be 1218 guineas.

 

[John Brown]

yes.
1278 Guineas would be £1341 and 18s


Edit to add

£1278 an 18s would be 1218 guineas.

Yes. That's what I said.

 

[John Brown]

yes.
1278 Guineas would be £1341 and 18s


Edit to add

£1278 an 18s would be 1218 guineas.

I think I see the problem, I thought your arithmetic was faulty, but it's your reading.
To be fair, a 7 and a 1 could be confused on a small screen.

 

[artie]

I think I see the problem, I thought your arithmetic was faulty, but it's your reading.
To be fair, a 7 and a 1 could be confused on a small screen.

Just so long as I'm wrong eh.

 

[John Brown]

Just so long as I'm wrong eh.

?? You were wrong, I'm graciously accepting that it's easy to mistake a 1 for a 7. What's your beef?

 

[artie]

?? You were wrong, I'm graciously accepting that it's easy to mistake a 1 for a 7. What's your beef?

no beef

 

[johnb80]

HAVE YOU GOT SEX INSURANCE?​

You can now get sex insurance in the UK from many different company’s. To help you get the correct insurance for sex youre having please consult the list below.

Sex with your wife – Legal and General

Sex on the telephone – Direct Line

Sex with your partner – Standard Life

Sex with someone different – Go Compare

Sex with a lady of generous proportions – More Than

Sex on the back seat of a car – Sheila’s Wheels

Sex with a prostitute – Commercial Union

Sex with your maid – Employers Liability

Sex with an OAP – Saga

Sex resulting in pregnancy – General Accident

Sex with animals – National Farmers Union

Sex with a Monk – Abbey Life

Sex with Navy Officers – Admiral Group

Sex with a transvestite – Confused.com

 

[Doug B]

 

[Cozzer]

Purchase tax?

Talking of "the old days", does anyone remember the time when you had to stick a postage stamp on your cheque?
Come to think, when did you last write a cheque?!

 

[Mel769]

Talking of "the old days", does anyone remember the time when you had to stick a postage stamp on your cheque?

Er, no I cannot !

 

[Mel769]

Justin Trudeau walks into a Royal Bank to cash a cheque.​

As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning, Ma'am, could you please cash this cheque for me?"
Cashier: "It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID?"
Trudeau: "Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am Justin Trudeau, the leader of the Liberal Party of Canada!!!!"
Cashier: "Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers and requirements of the CIDC legislation, etc., I must insist on seeing ID."
Trudeau: "Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am."
Cashier: "I am sorry, Mr. Trudeau, but these are the bank rules and I must follow them."
Trudeau:" Mon dieu. I am urging you, please, to cash this cheque."
Cashier: "Look Mr. Trudeau , here is an example of what we can do. One day, Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his cheque.
Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racket and made a fabulous shot whereas the tennis ball landed in my cup. With that shot we cashed his cheque.
So, Mr. Trudeau, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you?"
Trudeau stands there thinking, and thinking, and finally says, "Honestly, my mind is a total blank, I have absolutely no idea what to do, I don't have a clue."
Cashier: "Will that be large or small bills, Mr. Trudeau?"

 

[artie]

Justin Trudeau walks into a Royal Bank to cash a cheque.​

As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning, Ma'am, could you please cash this cheque for me?"
Cashier: "It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID?"

Only one form of id?

Must be a joke.