Joke thread
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Robbo3
Established Member
Father Flannigan, an elderly priest invited Father O'Connell, a younger priest from a neighboring parish who was fresh from the seminary, over for dinner.
During the meal, the young priest couldn't help noticing how attractive and shapely the house keeper was. Over the course of the evening he started to wonder if there was more between the elderly priest and the housekeeper than met the eye.
Reading the young priest's thoughts, the elderly priest volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, my relationship with my housekeeper is purely professional."
About a week later the housekeeper came to the elderly priest and said, "Father Flannigan, ever since the Father O'Connell came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose he took it do you?" The priest said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write him a letter just sure." So he sat down and wrote:
"Dear Father O'Connell I thoroughly enjoyed our conversation at dinner the other night and hope we have the opportunity to do so again. On another matter. We had a beautiful silver ladle which was a gift from a parishioner that comes to visit from time to time. The ladle has come up missing and I would be very embarrassed to invite her over and she notice the missing ladle. It is very important that it be found. Now, I'm not saying that you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here."
Several days later the elderly priest received a letter from the young priest which read:
"Dear Father Flannigan, I also enjoyed our dinner and conversation and hope note only that we do so again, but also that I be permitted to return the favor. On the other matter. Now, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with your housekeeper, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with your housekeeper. But the fact remains that if you were sleeping in your own bed, you would have found the gravy ladle by now."
During the meal, the young priest couldn't help noticing how attractive and shapely the house keeper was. Over the course of the evening he started to wonder if there was more between the elderly priest and the housekeeper than met the eye.
Reading the young priest's thoughts, the elderly priest volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, my relationship with my housekeeper is purely professional."
About a week later the housekeeper came to the elderly priest and said, "Father Flannigan, ever since the Father O'Connell came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose he took it do you?" The priest said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write him a letter just sure." So he sat down and wrote:
"Dear Father O'Connell I thoroughly enjoyed our conversation at dinner the other night and hope we have the opportunity to do so again. On another matter. We had a beautiful silver ladle which was a gift from a parishioner that comes to visit from time to time. The ladle has come up missing and I would be very embarrassed to invite her over and she notice the missing ladle. It is very important that it be found. Now, I'm not saying that you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here."
Several days later the elderly priest received a letter from the young priest which read:
"Dear Father Flannigan, I also enjoyed our dinner and conversation and hope note only that we do so again, but also that I be permitted to return the favor. On the other matter. Now, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with your housekeeper, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with your housekeeper. But the fact remains that if you were sleeping in your own bed, you would have found the gravy ladle by now."
Doug B
Shy Tot
the joys of hashtags 
Reminds me of the genuine one created for the launch party for Susan Boyle's new album a couple of years back
#susanalbumparty
DrPhill
Cyber Heretic
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Here are some more: 30 Unintentionally Inappropriate Domain Names
Doug B
Shy Tot
RobinBHM
Established Member
What is red and smells like blue paint?
Red paint
Red paint
Robbo3
Established Member
Mrs Murphy is looking for the grave of her late husband (a notorious criminal) as it has been a while since she was there. She goes to the cemetary's management office and says "I am looking for my husbands grave" "Ok madam", say"s the director "What was his name?" "John Murphy" she answers. He looks through his large book for quite a time and says "sorry there are no John Murphys in our cemetary, nothing but one Mary murphy". The woman brightens up and says "Of course that's it, he put everything in my name"
Cozzer
Established Member
Two absolutely true stories for you :
Remember Stuart Hall, TV presenter, "It's a Knockout", etc.?
Many years ago he was attempting to start his own travel business, and had actually approached two of my work colleagues in an effort to poach them from their employer (but that's another story).
His chosen trading name was initially Stuart Hall International Travel, until someone spotted that the logo on the business letterheads didn't look too good....
Also going around was a 1/4 page advert in the Travel Trade Gazette, proudly confirming that the airline in question had (I suppose) beaten the opposition to carry all the delegates/speakers/what-have-you to (something like) The 5th Symposium of Venereal Disease.
The ad proudly continued "Official Carrier - Singapore Airlines"
Remember Stuart Hall, TV presenter, "It's a Knockout", etc.?
Many years ago he was attempting to start his own travel business, and had actually approached two of my work colleagues in an effort to poach them from their employer (but that's another story).
His chosen trading name was initially Stuart Hall International Travel, until someone spotted that the logo on the business letterheads didn't look too good....
Also going around was a 1/4 page advert in the Travel Trade Gazette, proudly confirming that the airline in question had (I suppose) beaten the opposition to carry all the delegates/speakers/what-have-you to (something like) The 5th Symposium of Venereal Disease.
The ad proudly continued "Official Carrier - Singapore Airlines"
My favourite joke of all time.
Robbo3
Established Member
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. “Why of course,” comes the reply.
The first man then asks: “Where are you from?”
“I’m from Ireland,” replies the second man.
The first man responds: “You don’t say, I’m from Ireland too! Let’s have another round to Ireland.”
“Of Course,” replies the second man.
Curious, the first man then asks: “Where in Ireland are you from?”
“Dublin,” comes the reply.
“I can’t believe it,” says the first man.
“I’m from Dublin too! Let’s have another drink to Dublin.”
“Of course,” replies the second man.
Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: “What school did you go to?”
“Saint Mary’s,” replies the second man.
“I graduated in ’62.”
“This is unbelievable!” the first man says.
“I went to Saint Mary’s and I graduated in ’62, too!”
About that time, in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. “What’s been going on?” he asks the bartender.
“Nothing much,” replies the bartender. “The O’Malley twins are drunk again…”
The first man then asks: “Where are you from?”
“I’m from Ireland,” replies the second man.
The first man responds: “You don’t say, I’m from Ireland too! Let’s have another round to Ireland.”
“Of Course,” replies the second man.
Curious, the first man then asks: “Where in Ireland are you from?”
“Dublin,” comes the reply.
“I can’t believe it,” says the first man.
“I’m from Dublin too! Let’s have another drink to Dublin.”
“Of course,” replies the second man.
Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: “What school did you go to?”
“Saint Mary’s,” replies the second man.
“I graduated in ’62.”
“This is unbelievable!” the first man says.
“I went to Saint Mary’s and I graduated in ’62, too!”
About that time, in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. “What’s been going on?” he asks the bartender.
“Nothing much,” replies the bartender. “The O’Malley twins are drunk again…”
selectortone
Still waking up not dead in the morning
Phil Pascoe
Established Member
Oh deer...
flying haggis
Established Member
Doug B
Shy Tot
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