Joke thread

[niemeyjt]

It's completely made-up nonsense, this being the joke thread. About 100 years ago, pre-internet, I was given a sheet of paper with a list of English to "German" translations. The windscreen wipers are the only one I remember, but there were loads of other Pig - German (and I mean that in the made up, Pig - Latin sense, not as abuse) silliness in the list. Unfortunately it would seem that it didn't make it to the internet, or it is too racist and therefore Google won't recognise it.

This one?

Indicators....Die Blinkenleiten Tickentocken

Bonnet......Pullnob und Knucklechopper

Exhaust Pipe.... Spitzenpoppenbangentuben

Speedometer..... Der Egobooster und Linenshooter

Clutch...... Die Kuplink mit schlippen und schaken

Puncture........Die Phlatt mit bludyphucken

Parking meter........... Der Tennerpinscher und klockenwerr

Windscreen Wiper .... Der Flippenflappenmuchenschpredder

Foot Brake............ Der Edbangeronvindschreen Stoppenkwik

Gear Lever......... Biggensticken fur kangaroochoppen

Breathalyser...........Die Puffinintem fur pistenarsen

Rear View Mirror......... Der Yokhunter Tecklosen

Seat Belt........... Der Klunkenklikker Fraulinestopper

Headlights........... Der Dippendontdazzelubastad

Exhaust Fumes............... Der Koffenundschpittpoluter

Traffic Jam.....Die Bluddifukkink Dammundblast

Rear Seat...........Der Schpringentester

Tyres.........Flattfahrts

Backfire.......Der Lowdenbangenmekkejumpen

Juggernaut........ Der Phukkengrett Trukken

Accident..... Der Bledinmess

Near Accident.............. Der Fukken Near Schittenselfen

Garage.......Der Heiway Robberung

Cyclist...........Der Pedallpushink Pilloken

Skid........Der Banannan Waltzen

Double White Lines........Overtaken und Krunchen

 

[stuart little]

Who are Greta & Attenborough?

 

[stuart little]

This one?

Indicators....Die Blinkenleiten Tickentocken

Bonnet......Pullnob und Knucklechopper

Exhaust Pipe.... Spitzenpoppenbangentuben

Speedometer..... Der Egobooster und Linenshooter

Clutch...... Die Kuplink mit schlippen und schaken

Puncture........Die Phlatt mit bludyphucken

Parking meter........... Der Tennerpinscher und klockenwerr

Windscreen Wiper .... Der Flippenflappenmuchenschpredder

Foot Brake............ Der Edbangeronvindschreen Stoppenkwik

Gear Lever......... Biggensticken fur kangaroochoppen

Breathalyser...........Die Puffinintem fur pistenarsen

Rear View Mirror......... Der Yokhunter Tecklosen

Seat Belt........... Der Klunkenklikker Fraulinestopper

Headlights........... Der Dippendontdazzelubastad

Exhaust Fumes............... Der Koffenundschpittpoluter

Traffic Jam.....Die Bluddifukkink Dammundblast

Rear Seat...........Der Schpringentester

Tyres.........Flattfahrts

Backfire.......Der Lowdenbangenmekkejumpen

Juggernaut........ Der Phukkengrett Trukken

Accident..... Der Bledinmess

Near Accident.............. Der Fukken Near Schittenselfen

Garage.......Der Heiway Robberung

Cyclist...........Der Pedallpushink Pilloken

Skid........Der Banannan Waltzen

Double White Lines........Overtaken und Krunchen

There's also a 'Learn Chinese' one out there.

 

[Jameshow]

Who are Greta & Attenborough?

Where have you been hermit!!

 

[stuart little]

Where have you been hermit!!

Self-'insulating', I feel a bit like a hermit, mate.

 

[Garden Shed Projects]

What’s the difference between people from Dubai and people from Abu Dhabi?









People from Dubai don’t like the Flintstones but Abu Dhabi do?

 

[Garden Shed Projects]

Who are the Flintstones????

 

[AES]

This one?

Indicators....Die Blinkenleiten Tickentocken

Bonnet......Pullnob und Knucklechopper

Exhaust Pipe.... Spitzenpoppenbangentuben

Speedometer..... Der Egobooster und Linenshooter

Clutch...... Die Kuplink mit schlippen und schaken

Puncture........Die Phlatt mit bludyphucken

Parking meter........... Der Tennerpinscher und klockenwerr

Windscreen Wiper .... Der Flippenflappenmuchenschpredder

Foot Brake............ Der Edbangeronvindschreen Stoppenkwik

Gear Lever......... Biggensticken fur kangaroochoppen

Breathalyser...........Die Puffinintem fur pistenarsen

Rear View Mirror......... Der Yokhunter Tecklosen

Seat Belt........... Der Klunkenklikker Fraulinestopper

Headlights........... Der Dippendontdazzelubastad

Exhaust Fumes............... Der Koffenundschpittpoluter

Traffic Jam.....Die Bluddifukkink Dammundblast

Rear Seat...........Der Schpringentester

Tyres.........Flattfahrts

Backfire.......Der Lowdenbangenmekkejumpen

Juggernaut........ Der Phukkengrett Trukken

Accident..... Der Bledinmess

Near Accident.............. Der Fukken Near Schittenselfen

Garage.......Der Heiway Robberung

Cyclist...........Der Pedallpushink Pilloken

Skid........Der Banannan Waltzen

Double White Lines........Overtaken und Krunchen

OK. "TN" and "niemeyjt" have re-started this, so for once it's not me who's responsible for this thread drift (back) into quaint German language stuff.

Yesterday evening on our TV main evening news, even before the headlines, this one word appeared on the screen in big lettering:

GOLDFAHRT

It was announcing that Italian-Swiss skier Lara Gut-Behrami (a very attractive looking young lady BTW, if you haven't already noticed) had won Gold in the Super G races in Beijing.

 

[Exluthier]

Except in Switer Dootch which isn't a written language. Hence my spelling of it

Accepted, but the issue is one of pronunciation, not spelling. No speaker of either Swiss German (of any Canton) or of any German variant could make the word Dorf sound like Dov. There’s a great big rhotic (or guttural, in some dialects) ‘R’ sound in the middle of it, and the O vowel sound is different in both.

 

[AES]

Accepted, but the issue is one of pronunciation, not spelling. No speaker of either Swiss German (of any Canton) or of any German variant could make the word Dorf sound like Dov. There’s a great big rhotic (or guttural, in some dialects) ‘R’ sound in the middle of it, and the O vowel sound is different in both.

AND it's v difficult to write phonetically - to "accurately" portray the sound you're trying to "show".

 

[Linus]

I think I'll start a joke thread. Anyone agree?

 

[Pedronicus]

I think I'll start a joke thread. Anyone agree?

Or ask the mods for a new "Language" thread!

 

[Phill05]

Or ask the mods for a new "Language" thread!

+1 bring back the Joke's

 

[niemeyjt]

 

[dzj]

 

[Thingybob]

I think I'll start a joke thread. Anyone agree?

Yes yes yes yes yes yes please do

 

[Zedgeezer]

Who are Greta & Attenborough?

So they can get an internet connection in Outer Mongolia!

 

[strat]

Two Priests decided to go to Thailand on vacation. They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as Priests. For once, they'denjoy a vacation as regular people.
As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc. The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their 'tourist' garb. They were sitting on the beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a drop-dead gorgeous blonde in a bikini came walking straight towards them.
They couldn't help but stare. As the blonde passed them she smiled and said 'Good morning, Father,' and 'Good morning, Father.', nodding and addressing each of them individually, then she passed on by.
They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests?
So the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits. These were so loud you could hear them before you even saw them! Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a little while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a different colored bikini, taking her sweet time, came walking toward them. Again she nodded at each of them, said: 'Good morning, Father,' and 'Good morning, Father.' and started to walk away.
One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said, 'Just a minute, young lady.' 'Yes, Father?' 'We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world do you know we are priests, dressed as we are?'
'Father, it's me,' she replied, 'Sister Philomena!'

 

[strat]

You can kiss a Nun but don't get into the habit.

 

[strat]

Three nuns were talking. The first nun said "I was cleaning in the fathers room the other day, and do you know what I found? A bunch of ****ographic magazines."
"What did you do?" the other nuns asked.
"Well, of course I threw them in the trash."
The second nun said, "Well I can top that. I was in the fathers room putting away the laundry, and I found a bunch of condoms!"
"Oh my!" gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?"
"I poked holes in all of them!"
The third nun fainted.