Joke Thread III

[llangatwgnedd]

 

[stuart little]

Ey up, Stuart!
Where've you been, pally?
Haven't spotted anything from you lately....ill or holiday?
We've missed you!






(Every bullet so far.....)

Been too busy in my 'ship yard'. I have to stock up on more of these; !
plus the thread has been going off at a tangent lately, so I only switch on lternate days.

 

[mwinfrance]

I found that when are in short supply, one can just write "stuart"

 

[bushwhaker]

You buy a stool online, google began palm off you ads of the ropes.

 

[Linus]

You buy a stool online, google began palm off you ads of the ropes.

??? Is it me?

 

[dzj]

 

[woodhutt]

??? Is it me?

No, that's a Stuart for me also.

 

[Amateur]

You buy a stool online, google began palm off you ads of the ropes.

This really is great news for me as I'm 90% deaf.
Incorporating sub titles on a forums is definitly a first.

 

[richnfamous]

oh, btw: I was abducted by giant hamsters, but I have to tell people it was aliens or they don't believe me

 

[Amateur]

And if you dont laugh at that there is little humour left in the world...

I've been informed that a Mr Little is already working on an animated "pop up" for sign language in braille.
Apple and Samsung are already in talks to incorporate the little raised dots in the lower right corner of their next series of mobile phones.
Ill look forward to that.

 

[woodhutt]

I'm going to stick my neck out here and predict that 'Stuart' will become the OED 'Word of the Year' in 2023 meaning 'to be in a state of bewilderment or utter confusion'.

 

[mwinfrance]

I'm going to stick my neck out here and predict that 'Stuart' will become the OED 'Word of the Year' in 2023 meaning 'to be in a state of bewilderment or utter confusion'.

 

[Doug B]

 

[BradyS]

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a shopping centre. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, "What is this Father?"

The father (never having seen a lift) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, an old woman with a cane moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady ambled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number… and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24 year-old blonde stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son.....

"Go get your Mother."

This reminds me of an oldschool cannibal joke:

Father cannibal takes his cannibal son to a city to show him how civilization looks like.
They walk around looking at the big buildings and salivating over the juicy locals.
At some point, a super hot and young bombshell passes by, barely dressed. Both are instantly mesmerized.
Drolling, the child asks his cannibal father: "Daddy, daddy, let's take her home with us to eat."
His father firmly taps him on the shoulder and replies: "No, son. We'll take her home with us and then eat your mom!"

 

[Cozzer]

Some cannibals capture Lee Mack, Rowan Atkinson and Stephen Fry.
They chuck 'em in an enormous cauldron, throwing in carrots, sweetcorn and other vegetables, before seasoning with massive amounts of salt and pepper.
After a few hours, the chief and his wife wander up, and courtesy of a giant spoon, he takes a sip of the gravy.
He offers the spoon to his wife...
"Does this taste funny to you?"

 

[mwinfrance]

And if you dont laugh at that there is little humour left in the world...

I've been informed that a Mr Little is already working on an animated "pop up" for sign language in braille.
Apple and Samsung are already in talks to incorporate the little raised dots in the lower right corner of their next series of mobile phones.
Ill look forward to that.

This doesn't require a "pop-up" in Braille.
:. :.
will do quite nicely..being the Braille version of ¿?
Braille uses :. for a question mark..that is dots 2 , 3 , 6
Spanish treats the ¿ and the ? as the same thing, but the ¿ is at the beginning of an interrogation or question, and the ? is at the end of one.
As used by Manuel of Fawlty Towers ¿Qué?
Thus dots 2 , 3 , 6 and again dots 2 , 3 , and 6 , or :. :.
One could also just use ¿? to designate a "stuart" if one is short of s, ¿? or :. :. being quicker to type than stuart, but with less inherent charm.

 

[Inspector]

How does one type an upside down "?" on a Mac without having to open a character viewer and drag and drop it in? ¿

Pete

 

[mwinfrance]

:. :. all penguins here , so dunno
think you juxtaposed the order of your ¿? there Pete ..like writing trauts .
you could just copy off your screen what I wrote above, paste it into a text file , save it on your desktop, for when you need it, then, should the need arise, copy and paste it here, or wherever.
All the smiley's have a code begins with 2 , 3 ..and ends with 2 , 3
So, for example is :*dunno*: but without the two *s
Although : plus - plus ) is automatically rendered as , but the board code says it is Smile*:*) without the * and the *
Even : plus ) is rendered as

I haven't explored all of them , yet.

But Stuart , is Stuart. or stuart .

 

[Inspector]

Didn't juxtapose it. Just did it after and bolded it to show I can do it but not easily. Not a biggy since I doubt I'll be needing it any time soon.

Maybe. ¿Stewert?

Pete

 

[woodhutt]

My piles have been giving me gyp recently and the ointments my doctor has been prescribing don't seem to have much effect so I decided to try one of those 'alternative' practitioners. She advised me to use cold teabags as a compress as these would help reduce the swelling and ease the pain.
I don't use teabags, only loose tea so I wadded them up in kitchen roll and applied that. After a week, there was no improvement so I went back to my regular doctor and told him what I'd been advised to do.
He told me to drop 'em and bend over then used a torch to examine the offending area.
'Well, it hasn't done anything for your piles. However, I can tell you that you are going on a long journey and will meet a tall, dark stranger...