Joke Thread 4 (closed).

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May be a doodle of text
 

ierish medickail dickshonairy​


ARERY............The study of paintings
BACTERIA.........Back door of a cafeteria
BARIUM......What doctors do when patients die
BOWEL.........A letter like A.E.I.O.U.
CAESAREAN SECTION...A Neighbourhood in Rome
CAT SCAN....... Searching for Pussy
CAUTERISE......Make eye contact with her
COMA...........A punctuation mark
D & C .........Where Washington is
DILATE.........To live longer
ENEMA..........Not a friend
FESTER.........Quicker
FIBULA.........A small lie
GENITAL........Not a Jew
G.I.SERIES.....A Soldiers Ballgame
HANGNAIL.......Coat Hook
IMPOTENT.......Distinguished, well known
LABOUR PAIN....Getting hurt at work
MORBID.........A higher Offer
NITRATES.......Cheaper than day rates
NODE...........Was aware of
OUTPATIENT.....A person who fainted
PAP SMEAR......A fatherhood test
PELVIS.........A cousin of Elvis
RECOVERY ROOM....Place to do upholstery
RECTUM.........Damn near Killed 'em
SECRETION......Hiding something
SEIZURE........That bloke from ROME
TABLET.........A small table
TERMINAL ILLNESS..Getting sick at the airport
TUMOUR.........More than one
URINE..........Opposite to 'Yore out'
VARICOSE.......Nearby
VEIN...........Conceited
LABOUR PAIN....Having to work
 
Not sure if this is just a funny story, or a confession.

I had a deadpan situation develop. The type that would make Jimmy Carr out to be an amateur.

So.
I am out on a Sunday to the local Morrisons supermarket. Place is pretty quiet of customers and staff and I go to the deli counter.
OK, at the deli counter I'm ordering some sliced garlic sausage, some salami, but what I hate is they slice it with the plastic casing on,which i then have to try to pick out.
So I ask the young girl who is serving me to cut 1/4lb of sausage,but to first remove the plastic outside casing before slicing and i put it badly.

I ask her "Can you slice such and such, cut it thin, and....can you pull the skin back for me please".

:oops:
Oh Sh**

She looks at me, and I at her. Im in my 50's and i would guess she is about 16, on a Sunday part time job.
I suddenly realize if I burst out laughing, the manager is going to get called, I can foresee the cops arriving next
I Must Not Laugh.
She is looking at me in a quizzical fashion, like she heard what I said, but was it what was meant, was it some sort of sexual verbal assault. I have to bluff this one out.
So I kind of explain that the plastic casing gets cut into it and i need to pick it out and OH ...can I also have...
I put the sliced sausage in the basket and quickly left.

Surprised at myself that I didnt erupt into laughter. It was a conscious effort to remain calm, I could feel the laughter trying to let go but I knew that would end badly. I mean she was working there, so would have to be a set age, but she looked really young. 16 and as it was Sunday she could even be 15.

Funny though.
 
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