Well as some of you may remember on another sharpening thread I posted how it's done in the land of n0legs, I have an update for you.
Another member contacted me, in utmost secreacy, telling me that has grandfather had a 27 cut file. Now this is truly something to behold. 25 cuts finer than a 2nd cut, you must be joking. Anyway said member assured me it was mine for the taking, only problem it was in Chile!
His grandfather had loaned it to the great Chilean sharpening master Vicente Riquelme quite some time ago, but was sure he still had it.
Well what's a guy to do?
I'll tell you what a guys to do, get on a plane pretty damn quick and haul ass to Chile. Couldn't miss the chance of a 27 cut file, no way.
Anyways I checked the calendar and decided with the daughters wedding coming up that that would be a good time to go. Don't worry I wasn't going to miss the wedding, it's just the time the good woman takes to get ready I would have at least three days where she wouldn't notice me AWOL.
Booked it, packed it and f***** off.
Arrival.
Well didn't I feel the right pratt. There's me in hawiian shirt, cargo shorts and hiking boots only to find Chile is more urbanised than Birmingham and London combined. There's no forests or jungle, rivers and streams it looks like the headquarters of RMC (now Cemex). Concrete plazas, eight lane highway everywhere, tower blocks of glass and steel. Not a favela or bodega in site, Wimpy homes everywhere, nice ones too.
So realising my faux pas it was straight into the nearest outfitters for a suit. Cracking three piece double breasted I bought, in charcoal. Silk shirt, black and an ever so gorgeous pink bow tie. Looking the part, yes sir!
Suited and booted I was ready for action. Called a cab gave the driver this Vicentes last known address and off we go.
Funny really how things turn out, he was just round the corner, I mean literaly just round the corner. I parked my ass in the cab and was getting out 30 seconds later. How hum thinks I.
With a tentative knock on the door I was met by a rather attractive young woman. I won't be saying anymore than that, I've been married and divorced I know the costs. This young lady asks me in and indicates for me to follow her to the rear of the house, the language barrier was a problem. There's me in Wenglish and her in Dutch, it was a right old laugh I can tell you.
We sat at a table where she offered me some fresh coffee and a Bourbon biscuit. In my best Dutch, interspersed with Cantonese and Esperanto, I explained the reason for my visit. No, no, no way was her response. Now not being some kind of dummy I drew out my Sig and duly explained this was my prefered method of negotiation. Hell, it's worked for the past 20 years with the kids and the good woman, please don't think I'm some kind of brute I use the paintball gun with the 2 year old granddaughter.
The drawing of the gun changed things somewhat. She explained she was the youngest of Vicente's 28 daughters ( get a telly fella, jeezz!) and at 19 (36,22,32) was very protective of her father and wasn't going to give up the file easily. The story went on for ages and not being one for a yarn or fairytale, I laid down the law. I want the file. No!
Right, great!
Stalemate.
Well so it seemed. But you know when that moment arrives when the stars are all aligned, the old deck was stacked in your favour? Well this was my moment.
Behold, in walks the great man himself. I could hardly believe it, there in front of me was the great Vicente Riquelme carrier bag in hand.
It seemed he had just popped out to the Spar for some bacon and eggs, he had a guest arriving later and was wanting to offer him the national dish of a fried egg and bacon sandwich on specially imported Hovis wholegrain bread. I wouldn't have minded one myself to be honest, but the nerves had gotten at my stomach and doubted I would be able to finish one.
He asked me what it was I wanted so I went into the story of my quest, to achieve the sharpest edge attainable.
The great man sat in thought, he shifted in his seat a few times. Mumbled something to himself a few times until he decided, no problem "you can have the file" he says. Like manna from heaven, in my ears I could hear Leonard Cohen "Hallelujah, hallelujah". I had made it, all this way and I would be leaving with my elusive quarry.
I could have kissed him, and I don't mean not one of those peck on the cheek granny kisses either, full on tongue action is the way I roll.
Still in a state of shock he instructs me to follow him, we pass through a door into the kitchen then into the understairs cupboard. With a quick flash of the hand a secret button was pressed and the wall rolled back, exposing a stairway going down. Again instructed to follow him we descended the stairs.
Okay time to go off on a tangent. You know in the movie "Angels and Demons", the Papal Vaults scenes with all the books? Well this is where Ron Howard got the idea. Bulletproof glass, atmospheric control, automatic doors, chamber music, vending machine and a rest room. It makes my sharpening chamber at home look decidedly mickey mouse.
It's all there guys, everything.
Oil stones, water stones, milk stones and kidney stones. Scary sharp and not so scary sharp. Hand cranked wheels, belt driven wheels, wind and water powered. There's the new Tormek3i, (everyone knows the injected version will be faster than the carbureted) and the Sorby ProEdge Pro Pro (coming to our shores in the autumn).
Even The Edge was there. Ever wondered how Bono keeps the Edge so sharp, well here's the answer. Obvious really.
Mind you at first I couldn't understand a bloody word he said, just a mixture of thick Irish Gaelic until Vicente threw him a microphone and a six string axe. Cleared him up a treat.
Anyway, the old guy shuffles over to his bench for the file. You should have seen this place, wow! wee!. This guy can get an edge on anything and I mean anything. Ever seen a sharpened sweeping brush? I doubt you have. Why sweep when you can shave, right? Incredible, absoulutely amazing. There's some stuff I can't mention, sworn to secrecy you see, but wow truly wow.
He hands me the file with the kind of reverence one would hand over a new born. This guy lives for sharpening, he has no other reason to exist. I'm sure there was a tear in his eye but he gave me the file anyway.
This thing is fine, not fine in a cute girl with a hot writhing body covered in sweat sort of way, it's like a bar of steel with a handle. I know I can make this work for me, I just know it. Look out chisels, knives and plane irons, you are going to the next level.
With my booty in hand it's time to make my farewells and leave. I thank Vicente and say goodbye to The Edge. I wish he'd kept the mic, I have no idea what he said, but I nodded wished him the best and made my way up the stairs I promised Vicente and his daughter I would one day return and made for the door.
Not wishing to make the same mistake twice I didn't call a cab, I decided to walk back to the airport. It gave me time to reflect on my day and relish in the knowledge I could go further with my sharpening than ever before. I'm pretty sure Jacob and BB are aware of Vicente and have been keeping him and his knowledge from us mere mortals for our own good. I will never forget meeting the great man and what he has given me.
The flight back was okay, slight hiccup though as I had to land at Bristol. No worries there though really, as I do enjoy looking at the old place as I pass through. Travelling down the Portway always gives me the chance to marvel at Brunels suspension bridge. I wonder what would have Brunel used for sharpening? Who knows?
At the bridge I showed my credentials and entered the motherland, home. This taffy boy loves the travel but damn it's good to be home. The good woman hadn't even noticed I'd gone, she did comment on my new suit but said she wasn't keen on my bow tie. What the hell does she know!
As for the file, well to be honest dear reader I haven't used it yet. With comments such as the good woman's I should use it on my tongue and give her what for, but that's for another time. So far I have successfuly bluntened three chisels and one plane iron, seems daft really considering the effort I put in to get them sharp in the first place, but such is the need for a trial of the file.
I will report back my findings in due course, don't worry my friends we've come too far to turn back now.
Signing out for now, n0legs.