AES
Established Member
A bit over-long I felt (5 mins +) but someone's been busy in lockdown at home:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMBh-eo3tvE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMBh-eo3tvE
Another Joke
- Thread starter Alexam
- Start date
Help Support UKworkshop.co.uk:
- Status
flying haggis
Established Member
flying haggis
Established Member
another couple of covid parodies
https://youtu.be/XikW-8AiV5E
and my favourite
https://youtu.be/lr_tEdQvFcc
there are some clever people out there, thankfully.
https://youtu.be/XikW-8AiV5E
and my favourite
https://youtu.be/lr_tEdQvFcc
there are some clever people out there, thankfully.
Robbo3
Established Member
Sixty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army.
On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.
That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.
That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.
The Army has been looking for Herman for 61 years.
On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.
That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.
That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.
The Army has been looking for Herman for 61 years.
It's soooooo quiet in our village since the lockdown.
I was in the workshop today when I had the wind
and a woman from two streets away said " Pardon you "
I was in the workshop today when I had the wind
and a woman from two streets away said " Pardon you " 
A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and
pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very,
very, closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and
pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very,
very, closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"
The Sun newspaper is really struggling to continue in circulation. It costs less than a cup of coffee, so could I please ask everybody to do their bit to help journalism in the UK.
And buy that coffee.
Sent from my SM-G973F using Tapatalk
And buy that coffee.
Sent from my SM-G973F using Tapatalk
thetyreman
Established Member
here's my favourite corona song so far https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uo7HB-slsm4&t=70s
Robbo3
Established Member
Sunburn
A guy visiting in Hawaii fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got a horrible sunburn, specifically to his upper legs. He went to the hospital, and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns.
With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.
The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, "What good will Viagra do for him, Doctor?"
The doctor replied, "It won't do anything for his condition, but it will keep the sheets off his legs."
A guy visiting in Hawaii fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got a horrible sunburn, specifically to his upper legs. He went to the hospital, and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns.
With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.
The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, "What good will Viagra do for him, Doctor?"
The doctor replied, "It won't do anything for his condition, but it will keep the sheets off his legs."
flying haggis
Established Member
I heard the guy who invented the USB port was buried this weekend.
It was a small serene service, his coffin was lowered gently into the ground.
Then taken back out again , turned the right way around and put back in again.....
It was a small serene service, his coffin was lowered gently into the ground.
Then taken back out again , turned the right way around and put back in again.....
Phil Pascoe
Established Member
The guy who invented predictive text died last month - I went to his funfair last wedding.
Phil Pascoe
Established Member
I mis typed "last".steve1001
Established Member
The missus said to me today "Look, if you are that bored, why don't you do a model?"
Believe me, it's hard getting a model to come round during lockdown.
Believe me, it's hard getting a model to come round during lockdown.
Robbo3
Established Member
All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.
"I should be in charge," said the brain,
"Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."
"I should be in charge," said the blood,
"Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the stomach,
"Because I process food and give all of you energy."
"I should be in charge," said the legs,
"Because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."
"I should be in charge," said the eyes,
"Because I allow the body to see where it goes."
"I should be in charge," said the rectum,
"Because I'm responsible for waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.
Within a few days,
the brain had a terrible headache
the stomach was bloated
the legs got wobbly
the eyes got watery
and the blood was toxic.
They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.
The Moral of the story?
Even though the others do all the work - The ***-hole is usually in charge.
"I should be in charge," said the brain,
"Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."
"I should be in charge," said the blood,
"Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the stomach,
"Because I process food and give all of you energy."
"I should be in charge," said the legs,
"Because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."
"I should be in charge," said the eyes,
"Because I allow the body to see where it goes."
"I should be in charge," said the rectum,
"Because I'm responsible for waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.
Within a few days,
the brain had a terrible headache
the stomach was bloated
the legs got wobbly
the eyes got watery
and the blood was toxic.
They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.
The Moral of the story?
Even though the others do all the work - The ***-hole is usually in charge.
- Status
