Another Joke
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Press conference pre 1945.
C4 News: - "Mr Churchill, why won't you surrender to Hitler, lives could be saved".
Daily Mirror:- "Why are you so anti Nazis Prime Minister? Is your party Naziphobic Prime Minister"?
Laura Kuensberg:- Why didn't you stockpile one million tanks Prime Minister"?
Guardian:- "Do you now accept if you'd built an extra two million spitfires the war would be easier to win Prime Minister"?
BBC News:- "The planes flying at night are impacting on peoples ability to sleep. Will you apologise to those affected Prime Minister"?
C4 News: - "Mr Churchill, why won't you surrender to Hitler, lives could be saved".
Daily Mirror:- "Why are you so anti Nazis Prime Minister? Is your party Naziphobic Prime Minister"?
Laura Kuensberg:- Why didn't you stockpile one million tanks Prime Minister"?
Guardian:- "Do you now accept if you'd built an extra two million spitfires the war would be easier to win Prime Minister"?
BBC News:- "The planes flying at night are impacting on peoples ability to sleep. Will you apologise to those affected Prime Minister"?
Woodchips2
Established Member
A group of scientists in Canada dug down 10 feet and found a network of copper cables that were 150 years old. They concluded that Canada had the first telephone system in the world.
When the USA heard of this they dug down 20 feet and found a network of cables that were 200 years old. They concluded the USA not Canada had the first telephone system in the world.
When Wales heard of this a group of ex-miners dug down 30 feet and found nothing. They concluded Wales had the first wi-fi system in the world.
Regards Keith
When the USA heard of this they dug down 20 feet and found a network of cables that were 200 years old. They concluded the USA not Canada had the first telephone system in the world.
When Wales heard of this a group of ex-miners dug down 30 feet and found nothing. They concluded Wales had the first wi-fi system in the world.
Regards Keith
lurker
Le dullard de la commune
If WW2 had broken out today.......
Can I have more clarity on the “Your country needs you” slogan, it’s too ambiguous
Why aren’t you doing enough to prevent these air raids?
Does the siren apply to everyone?
There are only male and female toilets in the air raid shelter and I don’t identify as either.
This respirator haversack has a leather strap and I’m a vegan.
Why cant I have almond milk on my ration card
I find the term “black out” offensive.
I find the lack of colour options within military uniforms oppressive.
Why didn’t we have stock piles of spitfires at the start of this conflict?
Can I have more clarity on the “Your country needs you” slogan, it’s too ambiguous
Why aren’t you doing enough to prevent these air raids?
Does the siren apply to everyone?
There are only male and female toilets in the air raid shelter and I don’t identify as either.
This respirator haversack has a leather strap and I’m a vegan.
Why cant I have almond milk on my ration card
I find the term “black out” offensive.
I find the lack of colour options within military uniforms oppressive.
Why didn’t we have stock piles of spitfires at the start of this conflict?
BHwoodworking
contact me for bespoke high end firewood!
the siren only applies if you enjoy life :roll: which i do 
Woody2Shoes
Impressive Member
Answer - not if you're a spad...Geoff_S":1t0dbm4r said:"Does the siren apply to everyone?"
That tickled me!
AES
Established Member
flying haggis
Established Member
We've just had a decorator in to do some work.
I got chatting to him and it turns out that he's a British Airways pilot who has been furloughed and earning a bit of extra cash.
He made a lovely job of the landing.
I got chatting to him and it turns out that he's a British Airways pilot who has been furloughed and earning a bit of extra cash.
He made a lovely job of the landing.
Raymond UK
Established Member
The old lady handed her bank card to a bank teller and said, “I would like to withdraw £500.”
The female teller told her, “For withdrawals less than £5,000, please use the ATM.”
The old lady then asked, “Why?”
The teller irritably told her, “These are rules. Please leave if there is no other matter. There is a queue behind you.”
She then returned the card to the old lady.
The old lady remained silent… but then she returned the card to the teller and said, “Please help me withdraw all the money I have.”
The teller was astonished when she checked the account balance. She nodded her head, leaned down and said to the old lady, “My apologies Granny, you have £3.5 million in your account and our bank does not have so much cash currently. Could you make an appointment and come again tomorrow?”
The old lady then asked, “How much am I able to withdraw now?”
The teller told her, “Any amount up to £300,000”
The old lady then told the teller that she wanted to withdraw £300,000 from her account.
The teller did so quickly and handed it to the old lady respectfully.
The old lady kept £500 in her bag and asked the teller to deposit the balance of £299,500 back into her account.
Don't be difficult with old people... we can outwit the young and dumb.
The female teller told her, “For withdrawals less than £5,000, please use the ATM.”
The old lady then asked, “Why?”
The teller irritably told her, “These are rules. Please leave if there is no other matter. There is a queue behind you.”
She then returned the card to the old lady.
The old lady remained silent… but then she returned the card to the teller and said, “Please help me withdraw all the money I have.”
The teller was astonished when she checked the account balance. She nodded her head, leaned down and said to the old lady, “My apologies Granny, you have £3.5 million in your account and our bank does not have so much cash currently. Could you make an appointment and come again tomorrow?”
The old lady then asked, “How much am I able to withdraw now?”
The teller told her, “Any amount up to £300,000”
The old lady then told the teller that she wanted to withdraw £300,000 from her account.
The teller did so quickly and handed it to the old lady respectfully.
The old lady kept £500 in her bag and asked the teller to deposit the balance of £299,500 back into her account.
Don't be difficult with old people... we can outwit the young and dumb.
Phil Pascoe
Established Member
Back in the mid '70s I banked about £6000 in notes. The teller saw the loose notes and said next week can you tell your office staff to do their jobs properly and bundle them up? The were no loose notes that added up to a round figure to bundle. The next week I banked about £8000 ...... and tore the bands of every bundle before I tipped them out. He never made the request again. Curious, that.
Phil Pascoe":19uxwgte said:Back in the mid '70s I banked about £6000 in notes. The teller saw the loose notes and said next week can you tell your office staff to do their jobs properly and bundle them up? The were no loose notes that added up to a round figure to bundle. The next week I banked about £8000 ...... and tore the bands of every bundle before I tipped them out. He never made the request again. Curious, that.
I like it when things like that happen :twisted:
flying haggis
Established Member
Police arrested a hairdresser in our village yesterday, he was dealing drugs and running an escort service.
Just goes to show how little you really know people...
I've been a customer of his for seven years and I never knew he was a hairdresser !
Just goes to show how little you really know people...
I've been a customer of his for seven years and I never knew he was a hairdresser !
flying haggis
Established Member
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