Joke thread

[stuart little]

Your football/American NFL/our CFL football fields. All different and I don't watch or play any so have no idea how long a Led Zeppelin album is.
Oh and I didn't get that joke either.

Carry on.

Pete

Pete, I've cracked that joke:- Lemon in---t = lemon [in] zest (that pulpy stuff under the peel!

Stuart

 

[John Brown]

How is that a joke?

 

[Daniel2]

How is that a joke?

Maybe to another lemon.

 

[Just4Fun]

To be clear, I can't abide football - the next match I go to will be the first (I'll be 80 in December)

I am certainly no football fan either, but to be fair I have been to 3 professional matches and enjoyed the experience each time. Just not enough to want to go again any time soon.

 

[Trainee neophyte]

Two Wales make a Belgium
Tony

How do you get two whales in a Mini?
Along the M4 and over the Severn Bridge. Belgium is in the other direction.

Which reminds me:

Q: How do you get 4 elephants in a Mini?
A: Two in the front, two in the back.

Q: How do you know if an elephant has visited your house?
A: One of the walls is missing.

Q: How do you know if two elephant have visited your house?
A: Two of of the walls are missing.

Q: How do you know if three elephant have visited your house?
A: Three of of the walls are missing.

Q: How do you know if four elephants have visited your house?
A: There is a red Mini parked outside.

Q: Why do elephants paint their toenails pink?
A: So they can hide in cherry trees.
Ever seen an elephant in in a cherry tree? Shows it works.

That is probably my entire repertoire of Dad Jokes. I'll go now.

 

[Turnr77]

Pete, I've cracked that joke:- Lemon in---t = lemon [in] zest (that pulpy stuff under the peel!

Stuart

It's been removed now, but it was (if you Google it) an actual record cover of a song hinting at incest, so not funny at all

 

[Garno]

 

[Droogs]

I am certainly no football fan either, but to be fair I have been to 3 professional matches and enjoyed the experience each time. Just not enough to want to go again any time soon.

but you apparently did go - twice

 

[Garno]

 

[Droogs]

View attachment 117213

Change it's name to Hussain and Bolt

 

[stuart little]

How is that a joke?

I saw it as a play on words ; -incest/in zest. The guy is in France, which probably explains it. Well, that's my way of thinking!

Stuart

 

[stuart little]

It's been removed now, but it was (if you Google it) an actual record cover of a song hinting at incest, so not funny at all

That's knocked my theory for six, guys.

 

[Garno]

 

[Just4Fun]

but you apparently did go - twice

Indeed I did. I am not against going again, and may do so sometime. I am just in no hurry to go again any time soon. I am currently averaging one game every 20 years so it is a good job they don't rely on taking my money at the gate.

 

[TRITON]

A guy sees two larger ladies sitting in a nightclub, but not recognizing their accent goes up and asks, 'Either of you two Scottish ladies fancy a drink ?'
One says, 'We're not from Scotland, we're from Wales
So he asks. 'Either of you two Whales fancy a drink ?.

 

[sploo]

Ask an American. They play football mainly using hands.
I have read somewhere that it's because they play on foot, rather than on horseback, but that sounds like test icles to me.

Its proper name is "handegg".

 

[flying haggis]

View attachment 117213

run away quick!

 

[Amateur]

 

[Inspector]

Reg Standards Bureau :
The Reg online standards converter

Well that converter is bookmarked but is the plural of Wales, Wakes? Or is wakes a nautical measurement?

Pete

 

[dzj]