Joke thread

[Cozzer]

A mate of mine claimed he'd eaten 5 tins of Alphabet soup, one after the other.
Said he'd subsequently had the biggest vowel movement ever.

 

[Cozzer]

As a student I shared a house with someone who was training to be a minister so people arriving on the doorstep holding bibles was a common occurrence. Once you've invited them in made tea and toast before finding out who they are you will never get rid of them it's easier to just move house.

Yet another true story for you.... A few years ago, a friend of mine was an airline rep based in the north of England. His wife had got entangled with this bunch, and he feared for his marriage and the upbringing of their child. Long story short, he put up with it for a number of years before begging his employer to relocate him to another area. Credit to them, they managed to appoint him to a similar position in the Midlands, so house sale/new property purchase was sought and found. He'd somehow managed to "get through" to his wife that their marriage was more important, and so she and their child had agreed to move as well.
Literally on the day they moved, guess who came knocking at their (new) door to welcome them to the new neighbourhood....

Poor souls. Lost touch with him years ago, but let's hope all worked out well in the end.

 

[Jameshow]

They must monitor house sales to know who is moving.....!

 

[Cozzer]

They must monitor house sales to know who is moving.....!

They do, my friend - that was my point.
All the halls keep in contact with each other.

Ironic, how this subject has crept into the Joke Thread. They're anything but funny.

 

[sploo]

A mate of mine claimed he'd eaten 5 tins of Alphabet soup, one after the other.
Said he'd subsequently had the biggest vowel movement ever.

Wow. His trip to the toilet must have spelled disaster.

 

[Phil Pascoe]

A good friend married a woman whose first husband was a JW and their children were brought up JWs. She got out of it but was pursued for years -she became alcoholic, and his life was a misery. She died a horrible death a few years ago and he's had serious depression ever since. They have a lot to answer for.

 

[Thingybob]

Thats it you let the bloody JWs into this thread we will never get rid of em now ☹☹

 

[Jameshow]

Sorry!!!!

Cheers James

 

[Jameshow]

All religions based in good works are going to lead to very undesirable consequences.

As a minister freind once remarked to a JW God is just as leased with me watching EastEnders as if I were knocking in a 100 doors. Must have messed with the JW head!!

There endeth the sermon!!

Cheers James

 

[AES]

A good friend married a woman whose first husband was a JW and their children were brought up JWs. She got out of it but was pursued for years -she became alcoholic, and his life was a misery. She died a horrible death a few years ago and he's had serious depression ever since. They have a lot to answer for.

I too was surprised that this "joke" thread has turned into an anti-JW thread somehow. But I must agree, Phil. I have a family member who married a JW "lady" and had 3 kids with her. When he finally broke away and divorced, the wife vowed he would never see his kids again, and with 2 of them, over 30 years later, that's turned out to be true. Fortunately the 3rd child has seen sense, but it has broken that family, permanently it seems. Absolutely appalling behaviour by anyone, even more so for someone professing to follow the tenets of any "religion".

And IMO, the mormons are not much better.

I haven't heard seen/heard any good jokes recently, sorry, but can someone get us back onto the jokes thread again please.

 

[NickWelford]

I got rid of our local ones by answering the door wearing nothing but my budgie smugglers and a "Here's Johnny" grin on my face.
Mrs G told me to get in and start acting my age.

That happened about 5 years ago and to this day we have not had a JW call.

it works even better if you answer the door completely starkers. So I practice home naturism, any problem with that?

 

[selectortone]

 

[stuart little]

Thats it you let the bloody JWs into this thread we will never get rid of em now ☹☹

At least one good thing with covid, it's kept the JWs away!

 

[stuart little]

I too was surprised that this "joke" thread has turned into an anti-JW thread somehow. But I must agree, Phil. I have a family member who married a JW "lady" and had 3 kids with her. When he finally broke away and divorced, the wife vowed he would never see his kids again, and with 2 of them, over 30 years later, that's turned out to be true. Fortunately the 3rd child has seen sense, but it has broken that family, permanently it seems. Absolutely appalling behaviour by anyone, even more so for someone professing to follow the tenets of any "religion".

And IMO, the mormons are not much better.

I haven't heard seen/heard any good jokes recently, sorry, but can someone get us back onto the jokes thread again please.

I agree, we must get back on track so I'm off to produce some sawdust & chips. 🛩 (that's the only 'plane' I could find)

 

[Jonzjob]

I just fitted 2 new servos in my new Lidl plane

 

[Doug B]

 

[Garden Shed Projects]

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?




A carrot!

 

[AES]

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?




A carrot!

They're getting "better"

Thanks for that (I think)!

 

[Cozzer]

Mary had a little lamb, it sat upon a pylon
10,000 volts went up its 4rse, and now it's made of nylon

 

[Cozzer]

I'm normally not superstitious, but there's something weird I've noticed....
The World's Oldest Man has died at the age of 113.

This keeps happening. I think the title must be jinxed.