Joke thread

[Cozzer]

North Korea.

Building a nuclear arsenal like there's no tomorrow.

 

[Terry - Somerset]

Accountants are often not the best loved of colleagues in war or business - by repute it is they who after the battle go round and shoot the wounded.

 

[jcassidy]

An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scot walked into a bar. The barmen says, What is this, a f**king joke?

Two Paddys on duty at a checkpoint in South Lebanon are getting fierce abuse from a local. "Should I shoot him, sarge?" asks the young one. The other says "Nah, ignore him, he's just a gob Shi'ite"

 

[Pineapple]

The answer is two in the front and two in the back….
How do you get four giraffes in a Mini?

Open the sun-roof !

 

[dzj]

Open the sun-roof !

Get the elephants out first.

 

[Stan]

Why do elephants paint their bxxxx[redacted] toenails red?
[ family friendly version]
So they can hide in cherry trees in the jungle.

Why do the animals leave the jungle at 5 o'clock?
Because that is when the elephants come down.

Why has the cobra got a flat head?
Because it cannot tell the time.

 

[Blackswanwood]

 

[Suffolkboy]

Why do elephants paint their bxxxx[redacted] toenails red?
[ family friendly version]
So they can hide in cherry trees in the jungle.

Why do the animals leave the jungle at 5 o'clock?
Because that is when the elephants come down.

Why has the cobra got a flat head?
Because it cannot tell the time.

Why do elephants paint their testicles red?

To hide in cherry trees in the jungle.

What's the loudest noise in the jungle?

Squirrels eating cherries.

 

[Blackswanwood]

 

[stuart little]

The answer is two in the front and two in the back….
How do you get four giraffes in a Mini?

Take out the whales!

 

[stuart little]

View attachment 126005

 

[Serendipity Gunge]

Reminds me of the old joke:-

There are 3 kinds of Accountants ( Or QSs if you are in the building line)

Those who can add up

And those who can't.


Needless to say, this usually goes well over the head of Accountants!

Phi

Similarly;
There are 10 types of people in the world - those who understand binary arithmetic and those who don't.

 

[Adam W.]

What's white and if it fell out of a tree would kill you ?


A fridge.....enough of the stupid elephant jokes!

 

[Adam W.]

That wasn't funny, was it ?

I'll get my coat.

 

[Cozzer]

Oh, come on!

 

[niemeyjt]

 

[Linus]

 

[Henniep]

The answer is two in the front and two in the back….
How do you get four giraffes in a Mini?

.....and trunks in the boot!

 

[Blackswanwood]

 

[flying haggis]

I dont know, but I do know to get two whales in a mini.........

No No No Along the M4 from London obviously................................