Joke thread
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Robbo3
Established Member
More Signs
At a Santa Fe gas station:
We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container.
In a New York restaurant:
Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager.
On the wall of a Baltimore estate:
Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. --Sisters of Mercy
On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners:
38 years on the same spot.
In a Los Angeles dance hall:
Good clean dancing every night but Sunday.
In a Florida maternity ward:
No children allowed.
In a New York drugstore:
We dispense with accuracy.
In the offices of a loan company:
Ask about our plans for owning your home.
In a New York medical building:
Mental Health Prevention Center
On a New York convalescent home:
For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church.
On a Maine shop:
Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship.
On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards:
Now available in multi-packs.
In the window of a Kentucky appliance store:
Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work.
In a funeral parlor:
Ask about our layaway plan.
In a clothing store:
Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks.
In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store:
15 men's wool suits, $10. They won't last an hour!
On a shopping mall marquee:
Archery Tournament -- Ears pierced.
Outside a country shop:
We buy junk and sell antiques.
In the window of an Oregon store:
Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?
In a Maine restaurant:
Open 7 days a week and weekends.
On a radiator repair garage:
Best place to take a leak.
In the vestry of a New England church:
Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished.
In a Pennsylvania cemetery:
Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.
On a roller coaster:
Watch your head.
On the grounds of a public school:
No trespassing without permission.
On a Tennessee highway:
When this sign is under water, this road is impassable.
Similarly, in front of a New Hampshire car wash:
If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car.
And apparently, somewhere in England in an open field otherwise untouched by human presence, there is a sign that says
"Do not throw stones at this sign."
----
Sign in a Shoe Repair Store
"We will heel you
We will save your sole
We will even dye for you."
Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
On a Septic Tank Truck:
"Yesterday's Meals on Wheels"
At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."
On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up."
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."
In a Chicago Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak."
At a Santa Fe gas station:
We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container.
In a New York restaurant:
Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager.
On the wall of a Baltimore estate:
Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. --Sisters of Mercy
On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners:
38 years on the same spot.
In a Los Angeles dance hall:
Good clean dancing every night but Sunday.
In a Florida maternity ward:
No children allowed.
In a New York drugstore:
We dispense with accuracy.
In the offices of a loan company:
Ask about our plans for owning your home.
In a New York medical building:
Mental Health Prevention Center
On a New York convalescent home:
For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church.
On a Maine shop:
Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship.
On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards:
Now available in multi-packs.
In the window of a Kentucky appliance store:
Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work.
In a funeral parlor:
Ask about our layaway plan.
In a clothing store:
Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks.
In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store:
15 men's wool suits, $10. They won't last an hour!
On a shopping mall marquee:
Archery Tournament -- Ears pierced.
Outside a country shop:
We buy junk and sell antiques.
In the window of an Oregon store:
Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?
In a Maine restaurant:
Open 7 days a week and weekends.
On a radiator repair garage:
Best place to take a leak.
In the vestry of a New England church:
Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished.
In a Pennsylvania cemetery:
Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.
On a roller coaster:
Watch your head.
On the grounds of a public school:
No trespassing without permission.
On a Tennessee highway:
When this sign is under water, this road is impassable.
Similarly, in front of a New Hampshire car wash:
If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car.
And apparently, somewhere in England in an open field otherwise untouched by human presence, there is a sign that says
"Do not throw stones at this sign."
----
Sign in a Shoe Repair Store
"We will heel you
We will save your sole
We will even dye for you."
Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
On a Septic Tank Truck:
"Yesterday's Meals on Wheels"
At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."
On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up."
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."
In a Chicago Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak."
AES
Established Member
+1 ??????
Cozzer
Established Member
Every Christmas I'd come running downstairs to the big pile of presents and start unwrapping them as fast as I could.
Sometimes there would be fights over who had the best toys, but we would all make up later and sit down to have a three hour lunch before watching TV for the rest of the day.
I really miss no longer working in the sorting office.
Sometimes there would be fights over who had the best toys, but we would all make up later and sit down to have a three hour lunch before watching TV for the rest of the day.
I really miss no longer working in the sorting office.
stuart little
Established Member
'Mucky-Don's' - The last place on earth!
Doug B
Shy Tot
stuart little
Established Member
+me
stuart little
Established Member
Cabinetman
Established Member
I’m not very well upon these things but I think it’s Roy Cropper? From Coronation Street and he’s had his face put onto the members of Joy Division, no it’s not that funny even when you understand it lol
Cozzer
Established Member
Are you certain it wasn't Newnette Nanman?
Former model Katie Price has received a 16-week suspended jail sentence and has been banned from driving for two years after she admitted drink-driving while disqualified and without insurance after a crash near her home in Sussex.
Daniel Price, aged 26, from Maidstone, was sentenced to 60 days in prison on 26 October 2021 at West Kent Magistrates' Court in Sevenoaks. He pleaded guilty to driving when above the legal drink-drive limit and failing to stop after a road accident, in Maidstone, on 15 August 2021.
Tyrone Price, 32, has been jailed for 3 months after admitting to being behind the wheel of a car that was involved in an accident in Shrewsbury. He was driving a Vauxhall Corsa at approximately 2.20am on December 13 2019 when he lost control and struck a lamppost.
I found this information on a Price comparison site
Daniel Price, aged 26, from Maidstone, was sentenced to 60 days in prison on 26 October 2021 at West Kent Magistrates' Court in Sevenoaks. He pleaded guilty to driving when above the legal drink-drive limit and failing to stop after a road accident, in Maidstone, on 15 August 2021.
Tyrone Price, 32, has been jailed for 3 months after admitting to being behind the wheel of a car that was involved in an accident in Shrewsbury. He was driving a Vauxhall Corsa at approximately 2.20am on December 13 2019 when he lost control and struck a lamppost.
I found this information on a Price comparison site
I had to look them up. Never heard of them
shed9
establiSHED member
I don't get it? That one went straight over my head.....
Doug B
Shy Tot
AES
Established Member
I had to look them up. Never heard of them
I also haven't heard of it/them, and could be bothered to look it up! BTW, I HAVE heard of Coronation Street, but never of Roy Cropper either. Just iggerant, me!
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