Joke thread
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AES
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(Above): Doesn't look like a secret to me (assuming that I've recognised Vittorio correctly - 2nd from L. Little bloke too!).
In the same vein as some previous posts (and with thanks to the still much-lamented Humph & co):
Testiculate - violently waving yer arms about while spouting a load of balls
Masticulate - self-pleasuring while simultaneously chewing gum
Diode - deathbed poem
Why don't they eat french fries in Wiltshire?
Because they have no Devizes for Chippenham
In the same vein as some previous posts (and with thanks to the still much-lamented Humph & co):
Testiculate - violently waving yer arms about while spouting a load of balls
Masticulate - self-pleasuring while simultaneously chewing gum
Diode - deathbed poem
Why don't they eat french fries in Wiltshire?
Because they have no Devizes for Chippenham
Droogs
Not the Sharpest Moderator in the box
Inspector
Nyuck, Nyuck, Nyuck!
AES
Established Member
YES Pete, I for one - and I guess everyone else - DID get it! It was just that "Vittoria" appears to be a little more well-endowed - OK a LOT more - than yer average Victoria's Secret model. Or have I missed something in their recent ads? 
signed: "Fully dawned" (of Tunbridge Wells)!
(And you most probably get Tunbridge Wells or Humph either mate - guessing)
signed: "Fully dawned" (of Tunbridge Wells)!
(And you most probably get Tunbridge Wells or Humph either mate - guessing)
Inspector
Nyuck, Nyuck, Nyuck!
Oops. Got it wrong once more.
Nope don't get the Tunbridge Wells or Humph references either but I live a sheltered life.
Pete
Nope don't get the Tunbridge Wells or Humph references either but I live a sheltered life.
Pete
Blackswanwood
Still Learning
AES
Established Member
Oops. Got it wrong once more.
Nope don't get the Tunbridge Wells or Humph references either but I live a sheltered life.
Pete
No, you don't lead a sheltered life mate, you just live in the wrong place to be able to "get the indirects":
1. Back in "the good old days", if someone/thing upset the pre-conceived ideas and sensibilities of - typically - some retired Army Major - he'd write a letter of complaint to the newspapers, usually "The Times" or perhaps "The Daily Telegraph". Invariably, such letters would be signed "Disgusted (or something similar) of Tunbridge Wells". Tunbridge Wells is a just a fairly non-descript and innocuous typical English country market town in SE England. No idea why it was always "Disgusted - or similar - of Tunbridge Wells" 'cos I don't think that that town has/had more than it's fair share of retired Army majors (or other pompous retirees) than anywhere else. But that's the town that "always" seemed to be featured. Same with people hearing the first cuckoo of spring and "reporting" it in "The Times" readers letters column.
2. "Humph" refers to one Humphrey Littleton, a now sadly deceased and rather good Dixieland jazzband brass player (trombone I seem to recall). He also became the "host" of a BBC radio show (NOT TV, please note) which sarcastically mimicked/satirised the popular radio and TV quiz shows of the time. It was called "I'm Sorry I haven't a Clue" and featured Humph chairing a panel of 2 teams of 2 comedians. I was all apparently off the cuff, but was actually pretty closely scripted beforehand. It was filled with all sorts of nonsense "games" where each of the pair of comedians had to outpoint the other, and often featured many many howling puns, a lot of which were full of sexual innuendo, especially those given to Humph. Games ("rounds") included such gems as "The Uxbridge English Dictionary" (featured several times recently in this Jokes thread); "Mornington Crescent" (a game without any published rules where the contestants challenged each other on obscure points of said rules, all apparently "based" on the London Underground rail map); and "One Song to the tune of another" (self-explanatory), amongst several others.
OK, you had/have to be of a certain frame of mind/outlook to appreciate all this "junk", but if you fit the bill, this show was half an hour of pure groans and "laughing yer silly 'ead orf".
Like I said mate, you just live in the wrong place to appreciate these gems. Don't worry about it "We all have our crosses to bear".
John Brown
Freeloading Social media influenza
Trumpet, I believe.
AES
Established Member
I stand corrected, thanks
John Brown
Freeloading Social media influenza
Humph was also a cartoonist, and presented a jazz program on the radio for many years.
His 'Bad Penny Blues' is often cited as the inspiration for 'Lady Madonna' by The Beatles.
His 'Bad Penny Blues' is often cited as the inspiration for 'Lady Madonna' by The Beatles.
AES
Established Member
Didn't know either of those things either, thanks. But I did listen to his programme and DO know "Bad Penny Blues". If we're continuing off topic for a mo, I'd like to hear "Bad Penny Blues" played by Tuba Skinny (if not familiar, search YouTube - well worth it IMO). Brilliant for a bunch of not more than middle-aged (some a bit younger I guess) US "amateurs".
Stigmorgan
Established Member
Cozzer
Established Member
Oops. Got it wrong once more.
Nope don't get the Tunbridge Wells or Humph references either but I live a sheltered life.
Pete
Here you go.. further your education....
https://www.chortle.co.uk/video/2021/02/15/47848/24_minutes_of_filth
Cabinetman
Established Member
Just think how much more they would sell if they gave the husband a comfy chair and a cold beer whilst he waited !
Sad, Iain Pattinson died a few months ago, his obituary in the telegraph was full of the double entendres he wrote for Humph, so very dry witted and clever. Ian
Sad, Iain Pattinson died a few months ago, his obituary in the telegraph was full of the double entendres he wrote for Humph, so very dry witted and clever. Ian
Phil Pascoe
Established Member
They asked for a double entendre so he gave them one?
Inspector
Nyuck, Nyuck, Nyuck!
Thanks. Here I thought my education was complete having watched Benny Hill, On the Busses, The Two Ronnies, Fawlty Towers, and Monty Python's Flying Circus. I won't mention what Diana Rigg on the Avengers did for me as a lustful boy as that was no joke.
Pete
Pretty much the same as Felicity Kendall did for me in The Good LifeThanks. Here I thought my education was complete having watched Benny Hill, On the Busses, The Two Ronnies, Fawlty Towers, and Monty Python's Flying Circus. I won't mention what Diana Rigg on the Avengers did for me as a lustful boy as that was no joke.
Pete
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