Joke thread

[Turnr77]

Two buckets of vomit are clonking along down a street, one suddenly realises the other isn't with him, he turns around to see his mate just stopped and sobbing.
" Are you OK?" he asks
"Yeah, give me a minute" comes the reply "it's just that I was brought up around here."

 

[Sachakins]

Why can’t owls mate when it rains?
They would be too wet to woo!!

PLEASE PLEASE GROAN EMOJI NEEDED

 

[dzj]

 

[Turnr77]

Readily available portable workbenches are here, single use only!

 

[mikej460]

Readily available portable workbenches are here, single use only!
View attachment 119222

Is that just an extension to builders bum....

 

[Sachakins]

Readily available portable workbenches are here, single use only!
View attachment 119222

So dangerous, that guy could cut his foot off....

 

[mikej460]

Just finished my first shift in Facebook's IT department. Went rather well I thought..........

 

[Doug B]

 

[dzj]

 

[sometimewoodworker]

No one plays underwater football? How do you know?

I agree, just ask the practitioners of extreme underwater ironing, they are crazy enough.

 

[Doug B]

 

[Blackswanwood]

 

[Blackswanwood]

 

[Cozzer]

Two giants.
"Fee fie fo fum", said one.
"Whoa!" said the other. "How on earth do you know Chris Eubank's phone number?!"

 

[Cozzer]

Pritt Stick.

Take cap off, and screw up bottom.

 

[mikej460]

 

[Cozzer]

My mother-in-law's had to be admitted to hospital this morning, because her face was all red and swollen.
She'd been wandering about the garden, and a bee had landed on her face.
Luckily she wasn't stung, because of my lightning-quick action with a shovel.

 

[sometimewoodworker]

 

[Doug B]

 

[bushwhaker]