Joke Thread III

[AES]

I won't do "a Stuart" 'cos it's not your "fault" that I don't live in UK!

But having vaguely heard of Philip Schofield (isn't he some sort of TV bloke? But what else has he done/not done?), I have NIL idea who Carolyn McCall is!

But then this is NOT a grumble - NOR an invitation to start a lot of "non-joke off topic stuff"!

I DO understand this is the UK, (rpt UK) W forum. But I do really wonder how many non-UK resident members get this "joke"?

 

[Yorkieguy]

I don't think many UK members will understand it, and when an explanation is needed for a joke, it loses spontaneity and ceases to be a joke, but for the sake of clarification:

Philip Schofield was until recently a co-presenter on a Breakfast TV programme for TV company

ITV. Carolyn McCall is the Chief Executive of that company and the inference is that she's out of touch.

Allegations of 'impropriety' were made against Schofield with male teenager who he'd known since that boy was 15, that he'd later helped him to get a job at ITV, which Schofield initially denied. ITV said they'd 'carried out a full investigation' and concluded that 'there's nothing to see here'. The salacious UK tabloid press by digging and delving discovered that there was indeed much to be seen, and as a result, Schofield admitted that he'd lied, resigned, and said that he'd had a 'consensual' relationship with the (as yet un-named) teenager, which didn't start until the boy was aged over 18. He said it had been 'unwise' but not 'unlawful'.

Legally, the age of consent in England is 16 years, but as the age of adulthood is 18. Young people aged 16 - under 18s are children and, hence, the question of 'grooming' arises. There are particular concerns if there is an age imbalance between the child and the other partner. The greater the gap in age, the more significant the risk of harm to the child is thought likely to be. (Schofield is aged 61).

It's hardly been out of the news on TV and the front pages of the tabloid press, but is not, I think, a topic for further discussion on here, and certainly not in a joke thread, which is about finding light relief and amusement in a troubled world. He's been the architect of his own misfortune, but his marriage is wrecked, his career is wrecked and his reputation is in tatters. Sadly, I don't think the tabloid press or the 'twitterati' will consider it's 'mission accomplished' until Schofield is in his grave.

 

[Sachakins]

And another joke thread is defeated, again

 

[paulrbarnard]

I don't think many UK members will understand it, and when an explanation is needed for a joke, it loses spontaneity and ceases to be a joke, but for the sake of clarification:

Philip Schofield was until recently a co-presenter on a Breakfast TV programme for TV company

ITV. Carolyn McCall is the Chief Executive of that company and the inference is that she's out of touch.

Allegations of 'impropriety' were made against Schofield with male teenager who he'd known since that boy was 15, that he'd later helped him to get a job at ITV were made against him, which Schofield initially denied. ITV said they'd 'carried out a full investigation' and concluded that 'there's nothing to see here'. The salacious UK tabloid press by digging and delving discovered that there was indeed much to be seen, and as a result, Schofield admitted that he'd lied, resigned, and said that he'd had a 'consensual' relationship with the (as yet un-named) teenager, which didn't start until the boy was aged over 18. He said it had been 'unwise' but not 'unlawful'.

Legally, the age of consent in England is 16 years, but as the age of adulthood is 18. Young people aged 16 - under 18s are children and, hence, the question of 'grooming' arises. There are particular concerns if there is an age imbalance between the child and the other partner. The greater the gap in age, the more significant the risk of harm to the child is thought likely to be. (Schofield is aged 61).

It's hardly been out of the news on TV and the front pages of the tabloid press, but is not, I think, a topic for further discussion on here, and certainly not in a joke thread, which is about finding light relief and amusement in a troubled world. He's been the architect of his own misfortune, but his marriage is wrecked, his career is wrecked and his reputation is in tatters. Sadly, I don't think the tabloid press or the 'twitterati' will consider it's 'mission accomplished' until Schofield is in his grave.

And the pertinent point being the young male was employed as a “runner” for the show hosted by Scofield.

 

[AES]

I don't think many UK members will understand it, and when an explanation is needed for a joke, it loses spontaneity and ceases to be a joke, but for the sake of clarification:

Philip Schofield was until recently a co-presenter on a Breakfast TV programme for TV company

ITV. Carolyn McCall is the Chief Executive of that company and the inference is that she's out of touch.

Allegations of 'impropriety' were made against Schofield with male teenager who he'd known since that boy was 15, that he'd later helped him to get a job at ITV were made against him, which Schofield initially denied. ITV said they'd 'carried out a full investigation' and concluded that 'there's nothing to see here'. The salacious UK tabloid press by digging and delving discovered that there was indeed much to be seen, and as a result, Schofield admitted that he'd lied, resigned, and said that he'd had a 'consensual' relationship with the (as yet un-named) teenager, which didn't start until the boy was aged over 18. He said it had been 'unwise' but not 'unlawful'.

Legally, the age of consent in England is 16 years, but as the age of adulthood is 18. Young people aged 16 - under 18s are children and, hence, the question of 'grooming' arises. There are particular concerns if there is an age imbalance between the child and the other partner. The greater the gap in age, the more significant the risk of harm to the child is thought likely to be. (Schofield is aged 61).

It's hardly been out of the news on TV and the front pages of the tabloid press, but is not, I think, a topic for further discussion on here, and certainly not in a joke thread, which is about finding light relief and amusement in a troubled world. He's been the architect of his own misfortune, but his marriage is wrecked, his career is wrecked and his reputation is in tatters. Sadly, I don't think the tabloid press or the 'twitterati' will consider it's 'mission accomplished' until Schofield is in his grave.

Thanks. And for the benefit of other posters I was NOT complaining, nor was I offended. To show just how up to date I am, when I left UK as a permanent resident, there was no such thing as "Breakfast TV"! Yes, we do get some UK TV channels here, but in our house anyway, the TV never gets turned on before the pm! (NOT that I've got anything against it really, I've just got - IMO - better things to do with my mornings than watch TV).

As said, I was simply wondering how many UK residents would get the joke, and interestingly enough, Yorkie feels "not so many". But in the end, who cares? I cannot say that I contribute anything much at all to the joke thread, though I do look at it - and the rest of the UKW new posts - just about every morning actually!

Anyway, sorry if I've caused offence or "interruption to normal business. NOT my intention. Back to the jokes.

 

[woodhutt]

Two blokes are playing golf and find themselves stuck behind a pair of slow moving women golfers.
'I'll go and ask them if we can play through,' says one of the blokes. He starts towards the women but turns back quickly and returns to his mate. 'I can't do it,' he says. 'One of them is my wife and the other is my mistress.'
'Leave it to me,' says his pal. He goes towards the women but does an about turn before reaching them and comes back looking embarrassed and says.
'Small world, isn't it?'

 

[John Brown]

They let women play golf these days?

 

[Linus]

pulls up a chair!

 

[woodhutt]

A bloke goes in to a chemist and asks for some deodorant.
'Ball or aerosol?' says the chemist.
'Neither, it's for my armpits.'

 

[dzj]

 

[Phil Pascoe]

A bloke goes in to a chemist and asks for some deodorant.
'Ball or aerosol?' says the chemist.
'Neither, it's for my armpits.'

 

[Kittyhawk]

In NZ, even the grass knows how to have fun..

 

[JimJay]

I won't do "a Stuart" 'cos it's not your "fault" that I don't live in UK!

But having vaguely heard of Philip Schofield (isn't he some sort of TV bloke? But what else has he done/not done?), I have NIL idea who Carolyn McCall is!

But then this is NOT a grumble - NOR an invitation to start a lot of "non-joke off topic stuff"!

I DO understand this is the UK, (rpt UK) W forum. But I do really wonder how many non-UK resident members get this "joke"?

I did - but I can't understand the modern obsession with vastly overpaid nonentities. Who in their right mind cares what they do, or say? British society has gone completely barmy..

 

[TRITON]

Allegations of 'impropriety' were made against Schofield with male teenager who he'd known since that boy was 15

First point PS visited a school drama department, so the kids there were interested in the media, so naturally the boy in question was one of those who was there.
Thats it. PS leaves with the rest of the crew and thats the only contact they have.
So did he 'know him' as you've said. No, they met that once as part of a school visit.

Roll forward 3 or 4 years
'Boy' now a man, applies for a job at ITV, and no doubt states in his CV he was part of the PS visit. Maybe that helped, but whatever the reasons for him getting the job are ITV related and nothing to do with PS.
Man is gay. PS obviously has doubts to his own sexuality and between them a romance is kindled. The 'boy' is now a 20 yr old man

Tabloid media -
Immediately jumps on the idea of the initial school visit and infers something went on, though they dont actually say that, but they bandy "15 yr old boy" in every story, trying to create a slightly sordid backstory that doesn't exist.

PS is interviewed by the Sun tabloid(A newspaper linked to phone hacking and other illegal and intrusive practices)
During the interview they clearly place a question using the word groom, or grooming etc.
PS is then forced to say no grooming took place, but he's used the word and now is associated with it.
The other tabloids(including the Sun) start using the term, 'grooming' in the same way as they did with "15 year old boy" inferring something that isnt there.

Leonardo dicaprio aged 48- Girlfriends aged 18,19,23 etc, but all considerably younger than himself.
Is Mr Dicaprio subject to multiple sleazy tabloid stories ?. Course not.

 

[woodhutt]

Let's eat Grandma.
Let's eat, Grandma.

There you go. Proof that correct punctuation can save lives.

 

[Doug B]

 

[The_Yellow_Ardvark]

 

[The_Yellow_Ardvark]

 

[Southdownswolf]

View attachment 160254

I presume it's pointing towards a river or the sea?

 

[Doug B]