Joke Thread III

[TRITON]

Kind of a Scottish joke, a bit of sectarianism as portrayed by the Glasgow Daily Record, a paper long known for its allegiances. But all in good fun really.

........................
Two boys were playing football in the park when suddenly one of them is attacked by a rottweiler.
Thinking quickly, his friend rips a plank of wood from a fence,
forces it into the dog's collar and twists it, breaking the dog's neck.
All the while, a newspaper reporter from the Daily Record who was taking a stroll through the park is watching.
He rushes over, introduces himself and takes out his pad and pencil to start his story for the next edition.
He writes "Brave Rangers fan saves friend from vicious animal!"
The boy interrupts "But I'm not a Rangers fan."
The reporter starts again " Hero Hearts fan rescues friend from horrific attack!"
Again the boy interrupts "But I'm not a Hearts fan either."
"Who do you support then" inquires the reporter.
"Celtic" comes the reply.
So the reporter starts again
"Fenian b*****d murders family pet."

 

[woodhutt]

I started seeing a girl called Claire Lee and when my fiancé, Lorraine, found out she gave me back the ring.
But that's OK.
I can see Claire Lee now Lorraine has gone...

 

[IZZY]

I started seeing a girl called Claire Lee and when my fiancé, Lorraine, found out she gave me back the ring.
But that's OK.
I can see Claire Lee now Lorraine has gone...

No more obstacles in your way ?

 

[gwaithcoed]

Why are Russian mens underpants useless ?

Chernobyl fallout

 

[MorrisWoodman12]

Why are Russian mens underpants useless ?

Chernobyl fallout

Goodness! I didn't realise it was that close to Christmas.

 

[Amateur]

You are all invited.

 

[Amateur]

 

[JimJay]

You are all invited.

View attachment 160116

Nuts to that!

 

[Linus]

You are all invited.

View attachment 160116

I'm sure they'll have a ball!

 

[Amateur]

I'm sure they'll have a ball!

Actually I went last year.
It was a bit of a **** and Bull affair to be honest.

 

[Kittyhawk]

You are all invited.

View attachment 160116

Given recent events I might attend. I note the advert is in the singular.

 

[Doug B]

 

[woodhutt]

Given recent events I might attend. I note the advert is in the singular.

Reminds me of the old gag about the guy who had been blessed with three. He was very proud and would often say to blokes sitting next to him at the bar that he bet that between them they had five of the little rascals until one day a guy said, 'Why? Do you only have one?'

 

[Doug B]

 

[Jameshow]

View attachment 160169

I identify as a cabinet maker, but most of you would disagree....!

Shuttering chippy possibly!!

 

[The_Yellow_Ardvark]

 

[Sachakins]

 

[Sachakins]

 

[dzj]

 

[Cordy]

Office of Carolyn McCall--

Memo to COMMs Team;

We really need to up our game. I’ve only just heard that Philip Schofield has done a runner.