The alternative to putting the wind up the masses with ' walls of snow and shortages of every thing ' is to to concentrate on the really important goings on in the world like footballers ,celebrities , Eurovision song contest and the like .We have not seen any shortage of Tomatos round here in fact at Lidl the other day a string bag with 8 Tomatos in £1-89 and plenty of Cos lettuce in tonight got to be London hype to hike prices . Some where in the world there is a place where Lord Lucan rides his horse Shergar and lives in a house made from 5 billion toilet rolls and didn't know what to have with his mountain of pasta till now , yummy look at all these Tomatos
Joke Thread III
- Thread starter Sachakins
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That is the method in use here too, I suspect it is the method used to distract and rule ( and profit personally ) used by everyone's leaders everywhere.It works everywhere too unfortunately :-((
bushwhaker
Established Member
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, ‘You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee.’
The husband said, ‘ You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.’
Wife replies, ‘No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.’
Husband replies, ‘I can’t believe that, show me.’
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says……’HEBREWS’
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
The wife said, ‘You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee.’
The husband said, ‘ You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.’
Wife replies, ‘No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.’
Husband replies, ‘I can’t believe that, show me.’
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says……’HEBREWS’
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
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So Ryanair will pay you to use the toilet in flight
Adam W.
A Major Clanger
Thank you for that.
Doug B
Shy Tot
Why not?
Where are they?
Name names
Show their faces.
Dam Scoundrels upsetting an upstanding person as yourself and I can't understand why this would happen on a friendly forum like this.
Doug B
Shy Tot
Sorted....
Job half done, you need lots of filler, preferably two types that you put in with your fingers.
Cozzer
Established Member
A famous Viking returned home from a voyage, and had to report his arrival to the port authorities.
He presented his list of plundered items, and thrilled the officials with tales of causing mayhem on his most recent voyage.
"Ah....we have a problem," the official said, "We have no record of you leaving port a month ago, so we can't detail what you've just reported..."
The Viking slammed his fist on the table in annoyance.
"That's ridiculous! The townsfolk saw me sail off on my great voyage! Check again!"
The official re-checked, but then apologised.
"I'm so sorry," he explained. "I must have taken Leif off my census!”
He presented his list of plundered items, and thrilled the officials with tales of causing mayhem on his most recent voyage.
"Ah....we have a problem," the official said, "We have no record of you leaving port a month ago, so we can't detail what you've just reported..."
The Viking slammed his fist on the table in annoyance.
"That's ridiculous! The townsfolk saw me sail off on my great voyage! Check again!"
The official re-checked, but then apologised.
"I'm so sorry," he explained. "I must have taken Leif off my census!”
I remember the cereal submarineThe barely-literate hacks at the DM already generate enough "fertiliser" to run all the major airlines and air forces in the world....
bushwhaker
Established Member
I have a problem with english tongue. I never understood the difference between the two words „COMPLETE“ and „FINISHED“.
Some people say there is no difference between „COMPLETE“ and „FINISHED“, but there is:
When you marry the right woman you are COMPLETE and when you marry the wrong woman you are FINISHED!
When your wife catches you with another woman you are COMPLETELY FINISHED and when your wife likes shopping so much you are FINISHED COMPLETELY!!!
Some people say there is no difference between „COMPLETE“ and „FINISHED“, but there is:
When you marry the right woman you are COMPLETE and when you marry the wrong woman you are FINISHED!
When your wife catches you with another woman you are COMPLETELY FINISHED and when your wife likes shopping so much you are FINISHED COMPLETELY!!!
Doug B
Shy Tot
Junah
Established Member
Doug B
Shy Tot
Yorkieguy
Established Member
It Snowed Last Night:
8:00 - I made a snowman.
8:10 - A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.
8:15 - So, I made a snow woman.
8:17 - My feminist neighbour complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.
8:20 - The gay couple living nearby moaned that it could have been two snowmen instead.
8:22 - The transgender man/women/person asked why I didn't just make one snow person
with detachable parts.
8:25 - The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food
and not to decorate snow figures with.
8:28 - I was being called a racist because the snow couple is white.
8:31 - The gent across the road demanded the snow woman be covered up.
8:40 - The Police arrived saying someone had been offended.
8:42 - The feminist neighbour complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed
to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.
8:45 - TV news crews from BBC, ITV, CNN and Sky showed up. I was asked if I know the
difference between snowmen and snow-women?
I replied "Snowballs" and am now called a sexist.
9:00 - I was on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe sensibility offender,
bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.
9:10 - I was asked if I have any accomplices. My children were taken by social services.
9:29 - Far left protesters offended by everything marched down the street demanding for me to
be arrested.
By Noon it had all melted.
8:00 - I made a snowman.
8:10 - A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.
8:15 - So, I made a snow woman.
8:17 - My feminist neighbour complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.
8:20 - The gay couple living nearby moaned that it could have been two snowmen instead.
8:22 - The transgender man/women/person asked why I didn't just make one snow person
with detachable parts.
8:25 - The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food
and not to decorate snow figures with.
8:28 - I was being called a racist because the snow couple is white.
8:31 - The gent across the road demanded the snow woman be covered up.
8:40 - The Police arrived saying someone had been offended.
8:42 - The feminist neighbour complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed
to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.
8:45 - TV news crews from BBC, ITV, CNN and Sky showed up. I was asked if I know the
difference between snowmen and snow-women?
I replied "Snowballs" and am now called a sexist.
9:00 - I was on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe sensibility offender,
bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.
9:10 - I was asked if I have any accomplices. My children were taken by social services.
9:29 - Far left protesters offended by everything marched down the street demanding for me to
be arrested.
By Noon it had all melted.
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