Joke Thread III

Amateur · 26 Jan 2023

Phil Pascoe said:
Latin is one of the most useful things I ever learned.

I know what you mean.

TRITON · 26 Jan 2023

Kittyhawk said:
I remember nautical school after completing my sea time, and I particularly remember the classes in celestial navigation and the profound realization that there was actually a use for log tables and geometry.

I used to sail(race, cruise) and picked up a yacht here and there to crew on.

One boat, was a 120 yr old ketch cutter belonging to Commander T.Naish, RN
We were doing up the boat a bit - wooden boats, its a never ending task.
Anyway.
One time we were becalmed in the middle of the Irish sea, pretty much surrounded by big fishing trawlers.
Tony nips below and brings up a sextant, starts using it.
I ask him why, as we have electronic doo dahs that do this sort of thing on board.
'See all those big trawlers, packed with satellite positioning systems etc. Well they have all the gear, so im just showing them this is how it is really done'
Wasnt actually taking readings, just standing on the coachroof in plain view of all those skippers, effectively jeering at them.

Daniel2 · 26 Jan 2023

TRITON said:
I used to sail(race, cruise) and picked up a yacht here and there to crew on.

One boat, was a 120 yr old ketch cutter belonging to Commander T.Naish, RN
We were doing up the boat a bit - wooden boats, its a never ending task.
Anyway.
One time we were becalmed in the middle of the Irish sea, pretty much surrounded by big fishing trawlers.
Tony nips below and brings up a sextant, starts using it.
I ask him why, as we have electronic doo dahs that do this sort of thing on board.
'See all those big trawlers, packed with satellite positioning systems etc. Well they have all the gear, so im just showing them this is how it is really done'
Wasnt actually taking readings, just standing on the coachroof in plain view of all those skippers, effectively jeering at them.

In truth, they were probably all laughing at him.

Daniel2 · 26 Jan 2023

MikeK said:
In the past 24 hours, this thread has been moderated 9 times for inappropriate content. This is not a back alley garage where you can discuss or display anything you want. It is a public forum and has standards of acceptable content.

The UKW rules are quite clear on what is prohibited, but there are some who continue to push the boundaries. If anyone had a post in this thread removed specifically for content, and not because you referenced the removed post, consider that as your warning. For those who can't seem to understand this, I am am willing to discuss the rules, unacceptable content, and consequences privately.

The Moderators are volunteers and we have better things to do other than remove offensive content from the forum. When a topic or subject becomes a drain on our time, we will close the thread or remove the habitual offenders.

Does that mean you got rid of the "My Cute Pet" pictures ?

Kittyhawk · 26 Jan 2023

TRITON said:
I used to sail(race, cruise) and picked up a yacht here and there to crew on.

One boat, was a 120 yr old ketch cutter belonging to Commander T.Naish, RN
We were doing up the boat a bit - wooden boats, its a never ending task.
Anyway.
One time we were becalmed in the middle of the Irish sea, pretty much surrounded by big fishing trawlers.
Tony nips below and brings up a sextant, starts using it.
I ask him why, as we have electronic doo dahs that do this sort of thing on board.
'See all those big trawlers, packed with satellite positioning systems etc. Well they have all the gear, so im just showing them this is how it is really done'
Wasnt actually taking readings, just standing on the coachroof in plain view of all those skippers, effectively jeering at them.

Ok. Not a joke but in my opinion has a smidgen humor.
My sailing career predates satellite navigation and there were two publications that almost every ship would have on board - Reids Nautical Almanac and a set of the Admiralty Pilot Books. The latter were wonderful, being virtually a guide to the world's coastlines. They contained numerous sketches as well of prominent headlands, bays etc and making landfall was often accompanied by eyeballing the coastline, pilot book in hand trying to identify the various features to confirm you're in the right place. Haven't we come a long way. With all the electronics these days there's no need for the navigating officer to even look out of the bridge window anymore.
Pilot books were written in dry crusty Admiralty language and they contained an oft repeated phrase that is forever burned into my memory - 'Mariners are cautioned...'
The last pages of the books contained a compendium of general information relating to the waters in which you are sailing and I think it was one of the South American pilot books that contained the gem 'Mariners are cautioned against consuming the flesh of the (puffer?) fish as death ensues within three minutes.' And the question supposedly asked by a bright eyed cadet who had this bit of advice read out to him, 'what's death in shoes?'
And my all time favorite once satellite navigation began to appear on the scene. 'Mariners are cautioned against dependence solely upon electronic methods of navigation. The sun has risen daily for millennia and the mariner may have confidence that it will continue to do so.'