Joke Thread II

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Over the last few years I have bought my beloved for her birthdays.
I phone
I pod
I buds
I pad - she loved them
This year I bought her the new I Ron , ungreatful mare hit me with it.

Ward 10, 1st bed on right bring grapes.....!
 
George Bernard Shaw sent Winston Churchill two free tickets to the opening night of his latest play. The accompanying note included the sentence:

"Bring a friend, if you have one".

Winston sent the tickets back politely declining, as he had a prior engagement. His note included the request:

"Please send me tickets for the second night, if you have one".
 
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In a very seductive voice a wife asks her husband "Have you ever seen £20 all crumpled up?"

"No" said her husband.

She gives him a sexy little smile, undoes the first three buttons of her blouse then slowly showing her cleavage takes off a lovely little £20 bra and throws it all crumpled up on the bed.

He takes the £20 bra and smiles approvingly.

She then asks "Have you ever seen £50 all crumpled up?"

"No" he said.

She gives him another sexy little smile, pulls up her skirt, peels off her lovely £50 silk stockings and panties and throws them all crumpled up on the bed.

He takes the £50 stockings and panties and begins to breathe a little faster.

"Now," she said " Have you ever seen £30,000 all crumpled up?"

"Never" he said becoming even more excited and enthusiastic trying hard to imagine what she would reveal next.

"Take a look in the garage" she replied.
 
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Allegedly part of the ongoing duel between Winston Churchill and Lady Astor:

WC: Would you sleepwith me for a million pounds?

LA: Yes.

WC: Would you sleep with me for ten pounds?

LA: Absolutely not! What sort of woman do you think I am?

WC: I thought we had just established that, and were merely haggling over the price.
 
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