Joke Thread 5
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Jaco
Established Member
My Wife isn't talking to me, she said I ruined her birthday. I'm not sure how... I didn't even know it was her birthday.
I was so happy and content as I watched the wife drift off last night. Her dinghy got a puncture and she's a poor swimmer.
A man tells his Rabbi, "I have a strong desire to live until eternity. What should I do?" "Get married" said the Rabbi. "It's that simple? Would that allow me to live forever?" He said.
The Rabbi replied, "No but the desire will disappear."
Last night after a few beers my mate asked if he could stay on my sofa. I had to explain to him that I’m married now so that's where I sleep.
As me and the wife headed off on a romantic holiday we talked about what kinky things we'd like to do to each other. She said, "I've always wanted to be handcuffed." So I planted a kilo of coke in her suitcase.
Wife to husband "Let's go out and have some fun tonight! Husband: "Ok, but if you get home before I do, leave the hall light on."
Son: "Dad I've got a part in the school play. I play a man who's been married 25 years."
Dad: Maybe next time you'll get a speaking part."
Two guys in a health club, one is putting on lace knickers. "Since when do you wear womens pants?" "Since my wife found them in the glove compartment!"
"My wife left a note on the fridge, ""It's not working. I can't take it anymore, I'm going to my mums house!"." I opened the fridge, the light came on, the beer was cold. What is she talking about?"
My wife said I need to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car, burnt the dinner and ignored her all day for no reason.
I was so happy and content as I watched the wife drift off last night. Her dinghy got a puncture and she's a poor swimmer.
A man tells his Rabbi, "I have a strong desire to live until eternity. What should I do?" "Get married" said the Rabbi. "It's that simple? Would that allow me to live forever?" He said.
The Rabbi replied, "No but the desire will disappear."
Last night after a few beers my mate asked if he could stay on my sofa. I had to explain to him that I’m married now so that's where I sleep.
As me and the wife headed off on a romantic holiday we talked about what kinky things we'd like to do to each other. She said, "I've always wanted to be handcuffed." So I planted a kilo of coke in her suitcase.
Wife to husband "Let's go out and have some fun tonight! Husband: "Ok, but if you get home before I do, leave the hall light on."
Son: "Dad I've got a part in the school play. I play a man who's been married 25 years."
Dad: Maybe next time you'll get a speaking part."
Two guys in a health club, one is putting on lace knickers. "Since when do you wear womens pants?" "Since my wife found them in the glove compartment!"
"My wife left a note on the fridge, ""It's not working. I can't take it anymore, I'm going to my mums house!"." I opened the fridge, the light came on, the beer was cold. What is she talking about?"
My wife said I need to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car, burnt the dinner and ignored her all day for no reason.
Blackswanwood
Still Learning
Jaco
Established Member
Post it on X!
Doug B
Shy Tot
and TruthSocial
Phil Pascoe
Established Member
Phil Pascoe
Established Member
Ian_B
Established Member
Before deploying that tank, we'll need to have the environmental impact assessments done, a formal check to make sure that all 427 genders are equally represented and appropriate bathrooms are available, no animals will be injured and formal government approval is received before each trigger pull.
Putin must be terrified!
Putin must be terrified!
Emmmmm Rachel
Can you get a Starmer version?!
John Brown
Freeloading Social media influenza
Oh dear! Dinosaurs were extinct a long time before humans evolved, as any fule kno...
Well it was supposed to be a joke. But as you mention it I saw this the other day.
You’re welcome.https://www.bbc.co.uk/newsround/66044011
John Brown
Freeloading Social media influenza
Thanks, that's interesting.Well it was supposed to be a joke. But as you mention it I saw this the other day.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/newsround/66044011
My response was supposed to be a joke as well, by the way.
Phil Pascoe
Established Member
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