Joke Thread 5

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HAVE YOU GOT SEX INSURANCE?

You can now get sex insurance in the UK from many different company’s. To help you get the correct insurance for sex youre having please consult the list below.

Sex with your wife – Legal and General
Sex on the telephone – Direct Line
Sex with your partner – Standard Life
Sex with someone different – Go Compare
Sex with a lady of generous proportions – More Than
Sex on the back seat of a car – Sheila’s Wheels
Sex with a prostitute – Commercial Union
Sex with your maid – Employers Liability
Sex with an OAP – Saga
Sex resulting in pregnancy – General Accident
Sex with animals – National Farmers Union
Sex with a Monk – Abbey Life
Sex with Navy Officers – Admiral Group
Sex with a transvestite – Confused.com
 
Hubby goes off fishing, he gets set up, cast the line in and within 1 minute he’d caught a 10lb fish. He cast the line again, within another minute he’d caught an 11lb fish. He kept on repeating the process and caught a fish every minute all between 10 and 11lb, it was an amazing day.

His phone rang:

Hubby: ‘Hello’
Caller: ‘Mr Johnson?’
Hubby ‘Yes’
Caller: ‘ Hello sir, it’s Dr Parker in casualty at City Hospital, your wife has been involved in a terrible accident, she’s in a critical condition, you really need to be here’
Hubby ‘Jeez doc, best days fishing Ive had in a long time and now I need to miss it, just caught loads of fish. OK, I’ll pack up and come down.

He wound his line in and he had another 11lb fish, he thought he’d just try one minute, he caught another and another. 30 minutes had gone by he thought he better get down to casualty.

As he walked down the corridor to casualty he met the doctor coming the other way.

Hubby: ‘Hi doc, hows my wife?’
Doc: ‘I know what you did, YOU stayed fishing whilst YOUR wife was here critically ill.’
Doc: ‘Let me tell you this, if your wife needs feeding, YOU will have to feed her’
Doc: ‘If she needs to go to the toilet, YOU will have to take her’
Doc: ‘If she needs a bath, YOU will have to bath her.’

Hubby hung his head in shame and burst into tears.

The doctor laughed and slapped him on the back and said ‘Ha, gotcha, I’m winding you up, I’m only kidding, shes DEAD really, what did you catch?’
 
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