I actually thought that was the point. The resistor was futile.
Joke Thread 5
- Thread starter Noel
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ey_tony
Established Member
sploo
Somewhat extinguished member
Dammit. You're right. And that means I didn't get the joke.
I will hand in my man card in shame and retreat
bushwhaker
Established Member
An engineer died and reported to the pearly gates. An newly anointed angel, filling in for St. Peter, checked his dossier and grimly said, "Ah, you're an engineer; you're in the wrong place."
So the engineer was cast down to the gates of hell and was let in. Pretty soon, the engineer became gravely dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and began designing and building improvements. After a while, the underworld had air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators, and the engineer was becoming a pretty popular guy among the demons.
One day, God called Satan up on the telephone and asked with a sneer,
"So, how's it going down there in hell?"
Satan laughed and replied,
"Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God's face clouded over and he exploded,
"What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake; he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."
Satan shook his head,
"No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."
God was as mad as he had ever been,
"This is not the way things are supposed to work and you know it. Send him back up here or I'll sue!"
Satan laughed, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
So the engineer was cast down to the gates of hell and was let in. Pretty soon, the engineer became gravely dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and began designing and building improvements. After a while, the underworld had air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators, and the engineer was becoming a pretty popular guy among the demons.
One day, God called Satan up on the telephone and asked with a sneer,
"So, how's it going down there in hell?"
Satan laughed and replied,
"Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God's face clouded over and he exploded,
"What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake; he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."
Satan shook his head,
"No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."
God was as mad as he had ever been,
"This is not the way things are supposed to work and you know it. Send him back up here or I'll sue!"
Satan laughed, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
bushwhaker
Established Member
John Brown
Freeloading Social media influenza
If only it worked...
A group of men in the pub discussing a press article about the length of the male todger.
One bloke said," I got mine caught in my zip, the most excruciating pain I've ever experienced.
I will never,ever buy a pair of those side zip shoes again.
All fell about laughing beer splattering everywhere.
One bloke said," I got mine caught in my zip, the most excruciating pain I've ever experienced.
I will never,ever buy a pair of those side zip shoes again.
All fell about laughing beer splattering everywhere.
Sachakins
The most wasted of days is one without woodwork
Sachakins
The most wasted of days is one without woodwork
Sadly it's a perfect copy of the users original!
A Joke for gardeners
A lemon, a potato, and a pea all had a tough week working at the grocery store so they decided to let off some steam with a bar crawl at the weekend.
They had a great time, hitting bar after bar, knocking back drinks, but being so genetically different, the alcohol affected them each in different ways: the lemon got very acidic and refluxy; the potato, being a big starchy chap, took the booze in his stride; while the little pea reacted to all the sugar and started to get a touch hyperactive.
At the end of the night, the three friends found themselves leaving a bar at the top of a tall hill, when all of a sudden the pea started bouncing up and down excitedly: "Lads! Lads! I've got a great idea! We’re all vaguely round in shape, let's not get a cab home, let's just roll down the hill!" and before the others could protest he was off - shooting down the hill at a rate of knots.
The lemon lurched after him, but soon started listing violently from side to side as he went, owing to his oval shape, which did nothing for his unsettled stomach. With a sigh, the potato trundled along slowly behind.
By the time the potato had bounced his way to the bottom of the hill, the lemon was spewing lemon juice all over the pavement, but the pea was already jumping up and down again "that was great, that was great, let's do it again!".
The lemon was now chundering up pips with the acid, but the pea didn't seem to care "Come on! let's go again" said the Pea "that was great!".
The potato turned to the Pea and said "Easy Peasy --- Lemon's queasy."
A lemon, a potato, and a pea all had a tough week working at the grocery store so they decided to let off some steam with a bar crawl at the weekend.
They had a great time, hitting bar after bar, knocking back drinks, but being so genetically different, the alcohol affected them each in different ways: the lemon got very acidic and refluxy; the potato, being a big starchy chap, took the booze in his stride; while the little pea reacted to all the sugar and started to get a touch hyperactive.
At the end of the night, the three friends found themselves leaving a bar at the top of a tall hill, when all of a sudden the pea started bouncing up and down excitedly: "Lads! Lads! I've got a great idea! We’re all vaguely round in shape, let's not get a cab home, let's just roll down the hill!" and before the others could protest he was off - shooting down the hill at a rate of knots.
The lemon lurched after him, but soon started listing violently from side to side as he went, owing to his oval shape, which did nothing for his unsettled stomach. With a sigh, the potato trundled along slowly behind.
By the time the potato had bounced his way to the bottom of the hill, the lemon was spewing lemon juice all over the pavement, but the pea was already jumping up and down again "that was great, that was great, let's do it again!".
The lemon was now chundering up pips with the acid, but the pea didn't seem to care "Come on! let's go again" said the Pea "that was great!".
The potato turned to the Pea and said "Easy Peasy --- Lemon's queasy."
Too late for that
Skydivermel
Established Member
You should be reported for that
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