Joke Thread 5

[Blackswanwood]

 

[Blackswanwood]

 

[Robbo3]

That's taking the p............ roverbial.

 

[Yorkieguy]

You forgot thrupennies and ha'pennies. Just sayin'.
Kent wafers and jam gollies, doing your own tappets, oil changes and wheel bearings. Teachers could, and did, torture you with the cane. Phone lines were shared ( interesting.. ). Wet Willy was a (poor) beer and the test card ruled supreme. Polio lads and lasses with their calipers were common and parcels from catalogues took at least 10 days to get to you.

As to the cane, I went to an inner city school in Nottingham, where the teachers use a strap (known as a ‘tawse’). The teachers bullied the kids, and the kids bullied each other. One way to not get bullied was to wind up the meanest teachers and get strapped. All you needed to do was to gaze out of the window. When the strap come down scared kids lowered their hand, showing their weakness as a target for bullying. Defiant kids move their hand up, which annoyed the teachers, but earned kudos among classmates.

We didn’t carried knives - just a dart with the tip dipped in dog poo. Anyone who fancied themselves as a bully got a *** in their thigh, which swelled up like a balloon.

I enjoyed all topics at school, but if you shown any keenness - for example, if you shot your hand up to answer a question, the chances are that the teacher would say ‘all right professor - we know you’ve got the answer - what about you boy’ and he pick on a dimwit trying not to be notice. Hence, demotivating one kid will upsetting another - two birds with one stone.

The last thing you wanted to be noted for was being a ‘swot’.

Wasted years.

I was always told it sounded better saying 19s and 6p than £20 psychological cheeper now a days 99p ie £19.99p

Petrol & diesel. Is sold in a currency that doesn’t exist - 0.9p.

EG: £1.49.9p

As to ‘thrupenny bits’ we used to call them ‘joeys’.

(I was 32 when decimal currency came in, in 1971)

 

[dzj]

 

[Jaco]

I went swimming today.
Took a pee in the deep end.
Lifeguard noticed and blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in.

 

[gwaithcoed]

Apparently if a man pees in the water it turns blue and a woman it turns red.
My wife and I came down the water chute and set off to the deep end together and I kid you not it looked like the red arrows.

 

[Doug B]

 

[Jaco]

Since everyone started washing their hands -

- the peanuts at the bar have lost their flavour.

 

[niemeyjt]

A new shop has just opened in the town centre - aimed at electricians and the highly intelligent.

Its called Sparks and Mensa.

 

[Phil Pascoe]

Since everyone started washing their hands -

- the peanuts at the bar have lost their flavour.

Years ago there was a check done on free peanuts on bars - they found an average of thirteen urine traces every bowl.

 

[Jaco]