Joke Thread 5

[Yorkieguy]

 

[Yorkieguy]

 

[Yorkieguy]

 

[Yorkieguy]

 

[Yorkieguy]

 

[paulrbarnard]

View attachment 193074

I’m 64. Looking forward to opening the first window…

 

[Yorkieguy]

 

[Yorkieguy]

 

[Yorkieguy]

 

[Yorkieguy]

 

[Yorkieguy]

 

[Tris]

I’m 64. Looking forward to opening the first window…

Said noone in Putin's cabinet

 

[Doug B]

 

[Robbo3]

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said, "Who owns the big white horse outside?"
The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, "I do... Why?"

The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you'd like to know that your horse is about dead outside from heat stroke!"

The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion.

The Lone Ranger got the horse water and Silver was starting to feel a little better. The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver waving your blanket and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better."

Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe." and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink.

A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, "Who owns that big white horse outside?"

The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, "I do. What's wrong with him this time?"

The cowboy looks him in the eye and says, "Nothing, but you've left your ***** runnin'."

Last line should say ***** running. Americanisation of engine

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A class from a school for blind children has taken them on a coach trip to the seaside chaperoned by two male teachers. As they get fairly close to being back at the school one teacher turns to the other
"Hey, we left earlier than we thought we would, there's been no traffic hold ups so at this rate were going to be back at the school before the kids' parents even arrive to collect them. There's a good pub I know coming up soon, how about we stop for a couple of pints?"

His colleague replies "It would be great, but what about the kids, they wouldn't know the layout and most pubs wouldn't let 20 kids in the bar anyway."

"No, It'll be fine there's a big fenced lawn area outside, we can set them up in there with their football with the bell inside, and some cans of coke and crisps, they'll have great fun kicking the ball about."

So they stop at the pub, set the kids up in the fenced area with their ball and snacks and head inside with the coach driver.

They're halfway through their pints when the landlord comes in from collecting glasses outside and approaches the table
"Here, are you in charge of those blind kids outside?" he asks. They confirm they are.
"Well" says the landlord "you'd better go and sort them out, they're kicking the f*ck out of the Morris Dancers!"