Joke Thread 5

[Yorkieguy]

 

[Yorkieguy]

 

[Yorkieguy]

 

[Yorkieguy]

 

[Yorkieguy]

 

[Yorkieguy]

 

[Yorkieguy]

 

[Yorkieguy]

 

[Yorkieguy]

 

[Yorkieguy]

 

[Yorkieguy]

 

[Yorkieguy]

 

[Yorkieguy]

 

[Yorkieguy]

 

[Doug B]

 

[Kittyhawk]

View attachment 192541

He's American - pretty normal..

 

[RobinBHM]

I hope you aren’t tyred of these jokes

 

[Jaco]

George and Myrtle are at the local country show. Also at the show is Helicopter joy rides for $50. George says to Myrtle, "You know I've always wanted to go up in one of those Helicopter things."
Myrtle replies "But $50 is $50, and that's a lot of money to us."
"But dear," George replies, "it's not everyday that one of those Helicopter things are here!!"
Myrtle replies "George, $50 is $50, and that's still a lot of money to us."
So George walks away, miffed that he doesn't get to go for a ride in one.
The following year, they're back at the local country show, and the Helicopter is there again.
George says to Myrtle, "You know I've always wanted to go up in one of those Helicopter things."
Myrtle replies "But $50 is $50, and that's a lot of money to us."
"But dear," George replies, "it's not everyday that one of those Helicopters things are here!!"
Myrtle replies "George $50 is $50, and that's still a lot of money to us."
The Pilot who happened to be standing nearby, heard the conversation, and says "Weren't you here last year?"
To which George replies, "Why yes we were."
The Pilot says, "Tell you what, I'll take you both up, for free, but if you make a sound, it'll cost you $50, OK"
George looks at Myrtle with a wishful smile, Myrtle replies, "OK then."
So up they go, the pilot does barrel rolls, loops, dives, every possible thing that the helicopter can do, he throws at them.
After they land the pilot said, "I could have sworn that I'd have gotten a sound out of you, doing all them things"
George replied "You nearly did, specially when Myrtle fell out, But $50 is $50!!!!!!"

 

[Jaco]

A man went to confession in St. Patrick's Catholic Church.

'Father', he confessed, 'it has been one month since my last confession. I had sex with Fanny Green twice last month.'

The priest told the sinner, 'You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary's.'

Soon thereafter, another man entered the confessional. 'Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I've had sex with Fanny Green twice a week for the past two months.'

This time, the priest questioned, 'Who is this Fanny Green?'

'A new woman in the neighborhood,' the sinner replied.

'Very well,' sighed the priest. Go and say ten Hail Mary's.

At mass the next morning, as the priest prepared to deliver the sermon, a tall, voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous redheaded woman entered the sanctuary. The eyes of every man in the church fell upon her as she slowly sashayed up the aisle and sat down right in front of the priest. Her dress was green and very short, and she wore matching, shiny emerald-green shoes.

The priest and the altar boy gasped as the woman in the green dress and matching green shoes sat with her legs spread slightly apart, but just enough to realize she wasn't wearing any underwear.

The priest turned to the altar boy and whispered, 'Is that Fanny Green?'

The bug-eyed altar boy couldn't believe his ears but managed to calmly reply, "No Father, I think it's just a reflection from her shoes".

 

[Yorkieguy]