Joke Thread 5
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Jaco
Established Member
Despite Brexit, the European Commission has finally agreed that English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and accepted a five-year phase-in plan for what will become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20 per sent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing ‘th’ with ‘z’ and ‘w’ with ‘v’.
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary ‘o’ kan be dropd from vords kontaining ‘ou’ and after ziz fifz yer ve vil hav a reil sensibl vriten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.
As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and accepted a five-year phase-in plan for what will become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20 per sent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing ‘th’ with ‘z’ and ‘w’ with ‘v’.
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary ‘o’ kan be dropd from vords kontaining ‘ou’ and after ziz fifz yer ve vil hav a reil sensibl vriten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.
Jaco
Established Member
Ok, lets try ..........................................
Yorkieguy
Established Member
Yorkieguy
Established Member
Yorkieguy
Established Member
Yorkieguy
Established Member
Yorkieguy
Established Member
Yorkieguy
Established Member
‘They should have asked my husband’
If the cap fits - wear it!
If the cap fits - wear it!
Robbo3
Established Member
Jaco
Established Member
Chaim Goldfarb joins a very exclusive nudist colony....
On his first day there, he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by, and Chaim immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, 'Did you call for me?'
He replies, ‘No, what do you mean?’
She says, 'You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me.'
Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.
Quite content Chaim continues to explore the colony's facilities. He enters the sauna and, as he sits down, he farts... Within moments, a huge, hairy man lumbers out of the steam-room toward him, 'Did you call for me?' says the hairy man.
‘No, what do you mean?' says the newcomer.
‘You must be new,' says the hairy man, 'it's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me.' The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him.
The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist, 'May I help you?' she says.
Chaim yells back, 'Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the $500 membership fee.'
‘But, Sir,' she replies, 'you've only been here for a few hours. You haven't had the chance to see all our facilities.'
Chaim replies, 'Listen lady, I'm 68 years old. I only get an erection once a month. I fart 35 times a day.
On his first day there, he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by, and Chaim immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, 'Did you call for me?'
He replies, ‘No, what do you mean?’
She says, 'You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me.'
Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.
Quite content Chaim continues to explore the colony's facilities. He enters the sauna and, as he sits down, he farts... Within moments, a huge, hairy man lumbers out of the steam-room toward him, 'Did you call for me?' says the hairy man.
‘No, what do you mean?' says the newcomer.
‘You must be new,' says the hairy man, 'it's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me.' The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him.
The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist, 'May I help you?' she says.
Chaim yells back, 'Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the $500 membership fee.'
‘But, Sir,' she replies, 'you've only been here for a few hours. You haven't had the chance to see all our facilities.'
Chaim replies, 'Listen lady, I'm 68 years old. I only get an erection once a month. I fart 35 times a day.
Jaco
Established Member
Blackswanwood
Still Learning
Doug B
Shy Tot
Cozzer
Established Member
So, Welby's gone.
Any money on Lineker replacing?
Any money on Lineker replacing?
Myfordman
AKA 9Fingers
selectortone
Still waking up not dead in the morning
He'll keep them up!
Yorkieguy
Established Member
Yorkieguy
Established Member
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