Joke Thread 4 (closed).

[Fred48]

The view from those whose opinions are worth taking into account is that he is doing very well.

Hi Keith,
Did you go to school at RHS. I did. Just wondering. A person with that name knocked me out in a boxing match when I was in the sixth form.
I reckon it was a lucky punch.

 

[kinverkid]

 

[ColinDeVelen]

A name, or a prediction of your future state???

 

[ColinDeVelen]

Terrific wine? Or wine we should be terrified of?????

 

[ColinDeVelen]

My therapist told me that I would feel better if I finished some of the things that I started.
Half a bottle of whiskey, a third of a chocolate cake and the remains of a crate of beer later and, you know what, he is right

 

[ColinDeVelen]

View attachment 184894

This may not appeal to everyone's humour, and may well get moderated off sooner rather than later,but....

Do you think this dog's name is Douglas???

 

[niemeyjt]

Does that mean his hair is Douglas Fur?

 

[TRITON]

This may not appeal to everyone's humour, and may well get moderated off sooner rather than later,but....

Do you think this dog's name is Douglas???

It is just a dog lying on a table

 

[Amateur]

 

[Phil Pascoe]

while we're on old ones .......

 

[Cabinetman]

It is just a dog lying on a table

Glad you spotted that.

 

[Doug B]

 

[Ian_B]

I was walking down the street, and I found a 20 pound note on the ground. My conscience made me ask "What would Jesus do"?

So I turned it into wine.

 

[Keith Cocker]

Hi Keith,
Did you go to school at RHS. I did. Just wondering. A person with that name knocked me out in a boxing match when I was in the sixth form.
I reckon it was a lucky punch.

Not guilty! WHGS!!

 

[stuart little]

https://www.theguardian.com/society...ep-forward-mattel-launches-first-blind-barbie

It's the blonde leading the blind!

I didn't know ANY doll could see, whatever next?!

 

[flying haggis]

Absolutely DISGRACEFUL behaviour! Us 'poor' sods have to foot the bill. 'Off with their heads!' Come back Maggie & Guy Fawkes, all is forgiven!!!!

I still think Blair has never got over not being able to have his own taxpayer funded "Blair Force One"

 

[Yorkieguy]

Trigger Warning!

Before anyone gets the wrong idea, this is a joke thread, and these are jokes - they're fiction, and don't in any way reflect my life, which has been truly blessed. My wife and I met aged 20 in 1960, married in 1962, parents in 1964. Now aged 85, we're as happy today as we were 64 years ago in 1960. Two wonderful sons and three delightful granddaughters, all making their way in the world. Every day we're still around, is one day less that one of us won't be together. For us, there aren't any 'bad' days - some days are better than others, but every day's a good day while we're still around. I believe we have one life - this one, and we should try to make it a good one.

Here we go then:

My wife and I decided to never go to bed angry. We've been awake since Tuesday. .

My wife said: "That's the 4th time you've gone back for dessert!
Doesn't it embarrass you?" I said: "No, I keep telling them it's for you."

My wife and I started role-playing in the bedroom. Her favourite is The Sexy Librarian, where I have to sit quietly while she reads a book.

Being old is when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go too.

I now know how it will all end for me, one of my kids will unplug my life support to charge their phone.

I met my wife at a single's night. I was surprised because I thought she was home with the kids.

I want someone I can share my entire life with who will leave me alone most of the time.

Yesterday I bought a world map, gave my wife a dart, and said, "Throw this and wherever it lands, I will take you on vacation." We're spending 3 weeks behind the fridge.

As I walk through the valley of the Shadow of Death, I remind myself that you can't always trust Google Maps.

 

[Blackswanwood]

 

[Phil Pascoe]

 

[Phil Pascoe]