Joke Thread 4 (closed).
- Thread starter Noel
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Emoji little is having an early night it's been a busy day 
Non contributers or folk in transit are the first to raise such comments, like its a right, not to have some rubbish jokes.I'm with you there
A night in the Lions den for Daniel maybe?
Besides even ken Dodd had off nights when only 23 people at Blackpool central pier in 1989 were taken to A&E with split sides through laughing. The lowest ever for Ken.
Doug B
Shy Tot
stuart little
Established Member
TTF for that! And, I'm not a parent!!
Yorkieguy
Established Member
If a quip has to be explained, it ceases to be funny.
B.York = Bjork = Icelandic singer:
Björk - Wikipedia
Hope that helps.
B.York = Bjork = Icelandic singer:
Björk - Wikipedia
Hope that helps.
Phill05
Established Member
If a quip has to be explained it is NOT funny, funny should be an instant reaction to reading it.
A man takes Alfred his Golden Retriever to the vet and say's 'My dog is cross-eyed and keeps bumping into things, is there anything you can do for him?'
'Well,' say's the vet, 'let's have a look at him.' hello Alfred you're a nice boy and picks up the dog to examine his eyes, then he checks his teeth, to which Alfred gives him a big wet lick from his chin over his nose right up to the vets hairline, Finally, the vet says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.'
'Oh no no please no all because he's cross-eyed?'
'No, because he's really, really, heavy'
woodhutt
Established Member
bushwhaker
Established Member
This one is so old it's been carbon-dated:
City guy visits his friend in the country. In the country guy's farm yard, there's a 3 legged pig. The city guy asks what happened to the pig.
Farmer says, "Well, one night, a spark jumped out of the fireplace and caught the rug on fire. Pig book out of his pen, got in the house, woke us all up and saved our lives.
City guy says, "And that's how he lost his leg?"
Farmer: "**** no. There was another time, little Mary was playing near the pond, and fell in, and she couldn't swim, and the pig busted out of his pen, and pulled her out of the pond."
City guy: "And that's how he pig lost his leg?"
Farmer: "**** no. In fact, it was me, I was driving the tractor over to the north 40, and the tractor his soft spot of ground, and tipped over, and trapped me under the wheel. That pig busted out of his pen, ran across the field, dug me out and pulled out from under the tractor."
City guy: "And that's how the pig lost his leg?"
Farmer: "**** no."
City guy: "So how did he lose his leg?"
Farmer: "Geez. Damn city folk! Pig like that... You don't eat him all at once."
City guy visits his friend in the country. In the country guy's farm yard, there's a 3 legged pig. The city guy asks what happened to the pig.
Farmer says, "Well, one night, a spark jumped out of the fireplace and caught the rug on fire. Pig book out of his pen, got in the house, woke us all up and saved our lives.
City guy says, "And that's how he lost his leg?"
Farmer: "**** no. There was another time, little Mary was playing near the pond, and fell in, and she couldn't swim, and the pig busted out of his pen, and pulled her out of the pond."
City guy: "And that's how he pig lost his leg?"
Farmer: "**** no. In fact, it was me, I was driving the tractor over to the north 40, and the tractor his soft spot of ground, and tipped over, and trapped me under the wheel. That pig busted out of his pen, ran across the field, dug me out and pulled out from under the tractor."
City guy: "And that's how the pig lost his leg?"
Farmer: "**** no."
City guy: "So how did he lose his leg?"
Farmer: "Geez. Damn city folk! Pig like that... You don't eat him all at once."
Doug B
Shy Tot
woodhutt
Established Member
Phill05
Established Member
This reminded me of when I was a young lad working on the farm this is true:
LOL and myself took on looking after a 300+ head pig farm for local Pork Butcher in the afternoons, selecting and tattooing some each day for slaughtering.
(LOL caught me out one day he had a pigs trotter in his hand and he said "we are in big trouble now go round and find the pig with only 3 legs" well I looked in every bloody one of 40 stalls where there were 300+ pigs I could not find it anywhere and I was covered in pig dung just then the big boss called in to see how things were when he saw me he said "what the bloody **** happened to you" I explained LOL - trotter in hand, "I had been looking for the 3 legged pig,"
LOL got the smile wiped off his face when boss set into him, and I got washed down with a cold hosepipe.
Love Of Life
Yes, and first day at work at a rural builders yard, my friend got sent to the local hardware store to get a box of skyhooks.
(Again, true - and not me!)
Doug B
Shy Tot
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