Joke

[Dave S]

I can't hit refresh fast enough...
Ooooh, we done some education now too.

Rule broken 1753 times now... :roll:

Your avatar which you changed last week is 164 x 101 pixels.

The maximum alowed is 80 x 80 pixels.

What's my prize?

Dave

 

[Tom K]

Competition Time:
I just realised that I have broken one rule 1750 times since about one week ago...
Who can work out what it is?

Avatar is in direct contravention of pixel count ..you utter cad!

 

[Noel]

Ok Smudger, do this for me, post a joke. Any kind of joke and I'm asking in order not to poke holes or find fault in it.

 

[big soft moose]

ahh yes those were the days

jokes 2

you have sexist jokes, irish jokes, lawyer jokes, jewish jokes, political jokes you name it for 11 pages - no one complained on the thread, no one reported them , now one spat the dummy and quit over them, and there was no fighting....

what's different now ?

 

[studders]

I might, if I could be bothered, be offended and report you for aiding the demise of the "pub" by suggesting it is a place where jokes that may or may not offend, be told,:

Jus you hang on a bit there Matey. :lol:

I refer the Gentleman to...

Might not even have been a Pub at all.

 

[Smudger]

Ok Smudger, do this for me, post a joke. Any kind of joke and I'm asking in order not to poke holes or find fault in it.

Then why are you asking such a thing? To prove I have no sense of humour, or some such other attempt to denigrate?

Ridiculous.

 

[matt]

I can't hit refresh fast enough...
Ooooh, we done some education now too.

Rule broken 1753 times now... :roll:

Your avatar which you changed last week is 164 x 101 pixels.

The maximum alowed is 80 x 80 pixels.

What's my prize?

Dave

You got it! Except I do feel compelled to point out that the max avatar size is, in fact, 140 x 140 pixels. Unfortunately this means that you forfeit your prize and render the competition null & void. The judges decision is final, we will not enter in to a debate, you will not start another thread to discuss this decision.

 

[Tom K]

:shock:

That's the last time I post any jokes no this forum :?

Won't waste my time trying to perhaps brighten someones day with a little chuckle or laugh

And I thought this was a OPEN Public forum ? and the joke was in the GENERAL CHAT section

Modds please delete this if you think I have / may / will offend someone

HO HUM

Its O.K Blister it was Lurker that caused all the trouble :lol:

:?

 

[Mike.C]

Mike C - Because it is a wrong thing.

Yes but you have already complained numerous times and we are still in the same position. So why keep banging your head against the wall. For saying what Mike.G and yourself said it has already caused bad feeling with members ignoring other members posts, and people having sly digs.

Maybe instead of having an ignore button as Chems suggested, we should have a prat button as someone else said. At least that way members would know where they stand. Or just start a sticky where members can let other members know that they are not wanted, and they can then find another home to talking woodworking. Because all this back stabbing is just ripping the forum apart, and making us look like big kids.

Cheers

Mike

 

[RogerS]

I don't think Noel has to prove that you don't have a sense of humour, ****. You have eloquently proved that yourself.

 

[Digit]

As the Irish half of Smudger is offended and 'tother half of isn't jewish I should be ok with this one...

A man who has finally made it in business treats himself to a new Lamborghini. After buying it, he feels guilty so he goes to the Orthodox Rabbi and asks for a mezuzah for the Lamborghini.

"You want a mezuzah for what?" the Rabbi asks.

"It's a Lamborghini,"

"What's a Lamborghini?" asks the Rabbi.

"A sports car."

"What? That's blasphemy!" the Rabbi shouts. "You want a mezuzah for a sports car? Go to the Conservatives!"

Well, the man is disappointed, but goes to the Conservative Rabbi and asks for a mezuzah.

"You want a mezuzah for what?" the Rabbi asks.

"For my Lamborghini", the man replies.

"What's a Lamborghini?" asks the Rabbi.

"A car, a sports car."

"What kind of sports car?" asks the Rabbi.

"Italian."

"What? That is blasphemy!" the Rabbi shouts. "You want a mezuzah for a Goyishe car? Go to the Reform!"

Again, the man feels guilty and disappointed, but goes to the Reform Rabbi.

"Rabbi," he asks, "I'd like a mezuzah for my Lamborghini."

"You have a Lamborghini?" asks the Rabbi.

"You know what it is?" says the man.

"Of course! It's a fantastic Italian sports car. What's a mezuzah?"

Roy.

 

[studders]

:shock:

That's the last time I post any jokes no this forum :?

:?

Why? A bit extreme considering only one person 'claims' it is offensive and only then after the editing of it, which wasn't done by you.

 

[big soft moose]

Ok Smudger, do this for me, post a joke. Any kind of joke and I'm asking in order not to poke holes or find fault in it.

Then why are you asking such a thing? To prove I have no sense of humour, or some such other attempt to denigrate?

Ridiculous.

could everyone please get a grip

The joke smudger complained about on this thread that kicked all this off wasnt even an irish joke - tom just added a quick spin of irish sterotyping to blisters joke in what was quite clearly an ironic comment on what happened last time.

what we have here is a serious case of SLOPS (severe loss of proprtion syndrome)

and as this thread clearly isnt going anywhere but down hill i would suggest the mods do the decent thing and put it out of its misery

 

[Smudger]

:shock:

That's the last time I post any jokes no this forum :?

:?

Why? A bit extreme considering only one person 'claims' it is offensive and only then after the editing of it, which wasn't done by you.

Can I agree with that. In the context of the previous thread, and the editing of a joke here to carry on that argument, I reported the post which modified the original. I stand by that, even if none of you agree.
What I want is to see the rules properly applied.

 

[Dave S]

I can't hit refresh fast enough...
Ooooh, we done some education now too.

Rule broken 1753 times now... :roll:

Your avatar which you changed last week is 164 x 101 pixels.

The maximum alowed is 80 x 80 pixels.

What's my prize?

Dave

You got it! Except I do feel compelled to point out that the max avatar size is, in fact, 140 x 140 pixels. Unfortunately this means that you forfeit your prize and render the competition null & void. The judges decision is final, we will not enter in to a debate, you will not start another thread to discuss this decision.

I feel compelled to point out that on the Edit profile page https://www.ukworkshop.co.uk/forums/profile.php?mode=editprofile, scroll to the avatar control panel at the bottom - "Displays a small graphic image below your details in posts. Only one image can be displayed at a time, its width can be no greater than 80 pixels, the height no greater than 80 pixels, and the file size no more than 6 KB."

Cheat!

 

[big soft moose]

As the Irish half of Smudger is offended and 'tother half of isn't jewish I should be ok with this one...

A man who has finally made it in business treats himself to a new Lamborghini. After buying it, he feels guilty so he goes to the Orthodox Rabbi and asks for a mezuzah for the Lamborghini.

"You want a mezuzah for what?" the Rabbi asks.

"It's a Lamborghini,"

"What's a Lamborghini?" asks the Rabbi.

"A sports car."

"What? That's blasphemy!" the Rabbi shouts. "You want a mezuzah for a sports car? Go to the Conservatives!"

Well, the man is disappointed, but goes to the Conservative Rabbi and asks for a mezuzah.

"You want a mezuzah for what?" the Rabbi asks.

"For my Lamborghini", the man replies.

"What's a Lamborghini?" asks the Rabbi.

"A car, a sports car."

"What kind of sports car?" asks the Rabbi.

"Italian."

"What? That is blasphemy!" the Rabbi shouts. "You want a mezuzah for a Goyishe car? Go to the Reform!"

Again, the man feels guilty and disappointed, but goes to the Reform Rabbi.

"Rabbi," he asks, "I'd like a mezuzah for my Lamborghini."

"You have a Lamborghini?" asks the Rabbi.

"You know what it is?" says the man.

"Of course! It's a fantastic Italian sports car. What's a mezuzah?"

Roy.

can you help the gentiles amongst us out - what is a mezuzah ???

 

[Tom K]

After buying it, he feels guilty so he goes to the Orthodox Rabbi and asks for a mezuzah for the Lamborghini.

Roy, how does he attach it at shoulder height on a knee high car?

 

[Digit]

Oh sorry BSM. It's a copy scroll from the Torah that is fixed to the door frame of a Jewish household. It's written in Hebrew following strict religious guide lines by religious scribes.
You touch the case each time you enter the house as a blessing, so attaching it to your car might not go down well with some.
Basically it's taking the P out of relaxed jewish religion and strict jewish religion.
Nothing's sacred! :lol:

Roy.

 

[Digit]

Roy, how does he attach it at shoulder height on a knee high car?

He's a midget? Hope that isn't midgitism! :lol:

Roy.

 

[Noel]

Had to look that one up. Believe it should be at the entrance of every room as well if you are really strict.
Good joke BTW.