Joke thread
- Thread starter Noel
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Trainee neophyte
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selectortone
Still waking up not dead in the morning
Blackswanwood
Still Learning
Robbo3
Established Member
Courtesy of Robson Green on TV tonight :
There was a young lady from China
Who took a trip on a liner
She slipped on the deck
A twister her neck
So now she can see what's behind her.
There was a young lady from China
Who took a trip on a liner
She slipped on the deck
A twister her neck
So now she can see what's behind her.
Can't help thinking that would be better if it scanned. Feels a bit like a a mortice and tenon as cut by some of the "Best Woodworker" contestants!
Golden Oldie
A couple meets at a speed dating venue.
The guy says, "how about we skip all the formalities and just get married".
She replied, "but we don't know each other" "No problem," he says, "we'll get to know each other over time"
She says "do you know what, I've got nothing to lose let's go for it" So they get married and jet off to the Caribbean for their honeymoon. On the first day, they are lounging by the pool when the guy suddenly gets up, walks to the deep end of the pool and climbs to the very highest diving board. He dives off, performs a triple somersault and enters the water like a knife.
"Wow," she says "that was some dive". "Yes," he says " I was an Olympic diver and have three gold medals. See, I told you we would get to know each other as we went along". With that, she gets up, dives into the pool and does fifty lengths, returns to the sun lounger and not even breathing heavily.
"Wow," he says, "were you an Olympic endurance swimmer". "No" she replied, "I was a prostitute in Liverpool but I worked both sides of the Mersey"
A couple meets at a speed dating venue.
The guy says, "how about we skip all the formalities and just get married".
She replied, "but we don't know each other" "No problem," he says, "we'll get to know each other over time"
She says "do you know what, I've got nothing to lose let's go for it" So they get married and jet off to the Caribbean for their honeymoon. On the first day, they are lounging by the pool when the guy suddenly gets up, walks to the deep end of the pool and climbs to the very highest diving board. He dives off, performs a triple somersault and enters the water like a knife.
"Wow," she says "that was some dive". "Yes," he says " I was an Olympic diver and have three gold medals. See, I told you we would get to know each other as we went along". With that, she gets up, dives into the pool and does fifty lengths, returns to the sun lounger and not even breathing heavily.
"Wow," he says, "were you an Olympic endurance swimmer". "No" she replied, "I was a prostitute in Liverpool but I worked both sides of the Mersey"
Doug B
Shy Tot
Blackswanwood
Still Learning
Junah
Established Member
There was a young man from Japan
Who's limericks never would scan
When his friends told him so
He said "Yes, I Know"
"But I always try to get as many words in the last line as I possibly can"
Droogs
Not the Sharpest Moderator in the box
surely the last line should therefore be
"But I endevour to always try to include the maximun number of words in the last line of the poems text that it is humanly feasible for me to include in order to make the rhyme scan that I can"
"But I endevour to always try to include the maximun number of words in the last line of the poems text that it is humanly feasible for me to include in order to make the rhyme scan that I can"
Trainee neophyte
Established Member
Cozzer
Established Member
The "set my heart on an apple crumble" cartoon reminded me of a day at work when we were teasing one of the older blokes about his "activities" with his wife when on holiday.
"I'd rather have a good meat and potato pie", he'd said in a matter-of-fact way, before adding "it'd probably last longer an' all..."
"I'd rather have a good meat and potato pie", he'd said in a matter-of-fact way, before adding "it'd probably last longer an' all..."
Jester129
Established Member
Doug B
Shy Tot
Blackswanwood
Still Learning
Was the last line a Haiku?surely the last line should therefore be
"But I endevour to always try to include the maximun number of words in the last line of the poems text that it is humanly feasible for me to include in order to make the rhyme scan that I can"
Droogs
Not the Sharpest Moderator in the box
No it's not but this is the best haiku I've ever written and it's in the style of Mcgonigal
Ode to the lemon in the Fridge
Ooooooh squishy yellow roondish fruit
You've gang mouldy
So I'll throw you oot
edit - typo
Ode to the lemon in the Fridge
Ooooooh squishy yellow roondish fruit
You've gang mouldy
So I'll throw you oot
edit - typo
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