A reference to some one needs a soapbox to spout from
Joke Thread II
- Thread starter JBaz
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Jameshow
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Some one forget who, was off in a soap box rant!!!Time for one of these:-
user 38384
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Sorry
llangatwgnedd
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Jameshow
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Reminds me of the hall of mirrors in Blackpool used to see some strange sights in there too
DrPhill
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DrPhill
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Jester129
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RobinBHM
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Golf and Mother Superior
A nun is sitting with her Mother Superior chatting, and confesses; "I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it."
"When did you use this awful language?" asks the Mother Superior.
"Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive, that looked like it was going to sail over 250 yards, but it struck a phone line that was hanging over the fairway, and then fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards."
"Is that when you swore?" asked Mother Superior.
"No, Mother," says the nun. "After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in its mouth, and began to run away."
"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the Mother Superior again.
"Well, no." says the nun. "You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!"
"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the amazed Mother superior.
"No, Mother. Oh no, not yet. As the eagle carried the squirrel away in its claws, it flew near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball."
"Did you swear THEN?" asked Mother Superior.
"Oh no, Mother. My ball fell on a big rock, bounced over the sand trap, rolled onto the green, and stopped about SIX inches from the hole."
The two nuns were silent for a moment.
Then Mother Superior sighed and said, "You missed the f*****g putt, didn't you?"
A nun is sitting with her Mother Superior chatting, and confesses; "I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it."
"When did you use this awful language?" asks the Mother Superior.
"Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive, that looked like it was going to sail over 250 yards, but it struck a phone line that was hanging over the fairway, and then fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards."
"Is that when you swore?" asked Mother Superior.
"No, Mother," says the nun. "After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in its mouth, and began to run away."
"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the Mother Superior again.
"Well, no." says the nun. "You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!"
"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the amazed Mother superior.
"No, Mother. Oh no, not yet. As the eagle carried the squirrel away in its claws, it flew near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball."
"Did you swear THEN?" asked Mother Superior.
"Oh no, Mother. My ball fell on a big rock, bounced over the sand trap, rolled onto the green, and stopped about SIX inches from the hole."
The two nuns were silent for a moment.
Then Mother Superior sighed and said, "You missed the f*****g putt, didn't you?"
During my apprenticeship one of the other apprentices stepped out of a welding booth with his goggles on and his crotch on fire. He had no idea why the rest of use were laughing our heads off.
Homeless Squirrel
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Cucumbers are great for the Memory!..................................................................................Once it's been stuck up your Bum you never forget it!
In ours one apprentice set his arm on fire.
Dibs-h
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A Russian soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, “Please, may I hide under your skirt, I'll explain later.”
The nun agreed. A moment later two military police ran up and asked: “Sister, have you seen a soldier?” The nun replied, “He went that way.”
After the military police ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, “I can't thank you enough, Sister. You see, I don't want to go to Ukraine.”
The nun said, “I understand completely.” The soldier added, “I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!”
The nun replied, “If you had looked a little higher, you would've seen a great pair of balls too. I don't want to go to Ukraine either."
The nun agreed. A moment later two military police ran up and asked: “Sister, have you seen a soldier?” The nun replied, “He went that way.”
After the military police ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, “I can't thank you enough, Sister. You see, I don't want to go to Ukraine.”
The nun said, “I understand completely.” The soldier added, “I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!”
The nun replied, “If you had looked a little higher, you would've seen a great pair of balls too. I don't want to go to Ukraine either."
Doug B
Shy Tot
Cozzer
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Watching a Glastonbury video the other day, I wondered why one of the biggest bands in the world, ABBA, had never gigged there.
Apparently it's all down to Agnetha refusing to go after a traumatic experience there.
She'd gone -just as a visitor - in the late 70s but had unfortunately got stuck in one of those awful mobile toilets after the door had failed.
It was a case of Portaloo, couldn't get out if she wanted to...
Apparently it's all down to Agnetha refusing to go after a traumatic experience there.
She'd gone -just as a visitor - in the late 70s but had unfortunately got stuck in one of those awful mobile toilets after the door had failed.
It was a case of Portaloo, couldn't get out if she wanted to...
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