Joke Thread 5

[Jaco]

Moon Mission

NASA is launching a rocket to the moon. On board there are two pigs and Kiki, a stunning blonde. When the rocket is outside the stratosphere, the first stage drops off.
Contact is made: "Houston here, Pig 1, Pig 1, do you read us? Over."
"Oink, oink, here Pig 1, read you loud and clear."
"Pig 1, do you still know your instructions?"
"Yes, when we get to the moon, I press the red button to initiate the moon landing. Over."
"That's right. Over and out."
They go on until the rocket separates its booster stage. "Hello, Pig 2? Come in please."
"Oink, oink, here Pig 2, read you loud and clear."
"OK, Pig 2 do you remember your instructions?"
"Yes, when we've landed on the moon and are ready to leave, I press on the green button to initiate the launch program."
"That's right, Pig 2. Over and out."
An hour later, when the rocket has achieved the correct speed the last stage drops off as planned. Ground control contacts the astronauts again.
"Houston here, Kiki, come in. Kiki do you read us?"
"Kiki here, reading you loud and clear."
"Kiki, do you remember your instructions?"
"Yes," Kiki says, "I feed the two pigs and keep my hands off any buttons."

 

[Jaco]

 

[Doug B]

 

[Pedronicus]

 

[Yorkieguy]

 

[Just4Fun]

View attachment 191274

When I was about 5 years old our house had no indoor facilities. The loo was in an unlit alley and getting to the alley involved walking down a path past 2 or 3 other houses. There is one consolation though; at 5 years old I didn't need the loo multiple time per night!

 

[Yorkieguy]

 

[Doug B]

Am I in the right place for the joke thread

 

[Noel]

Am I in the right place for the joke thread

Difficult to tell at times, isn't it.
(above quote and my post refers to deleted posts).

 

[selectortone]

Difficult to tell at times, isn't it.
(above quote and my post refers to deleted posts).

Thanks Noel. You can take a horse to water...

 

[Vulcan]

 

[Jaco]

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.

So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site. She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

"Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?"

"Morris Feinberg," he replied.

"Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"

"For about 60 years."

"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"

"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews, and the Muslims."

"I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop."

"I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man."

"I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests."

And finally "I pray that everyone will be happy".

"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"

"Like I'm talking to a Brick wall!"

 

[stuart little]

Am I in the right place for the joke thread

I wonder that myself at times, I get more laughs in recent showings of "Hancock's Half Hour".

 

[Phil Pascoe]

 

[Phil Pascoe]

 

[Phil Pascoe]

 

[Doug B]

 

[nickds1]

I went looking for a book online...

 

[Myfordman]

 

[nickds1]