Joke Thread 4 (closed).

[paulrbarnard]

... desert his dessert in the desert.

I read that one multiple times and couldn’t work out what was wrong…

 

[Doug B]

 

[Daniel2]

 

[Doug B]

 

[Daniel2]

Schrödinger's skip...

 

[Brains]

View attachment 173489

That's a load of Bosch.

 

[stuart little]

Here you go then - 21 reasons why English can be so hard to learn:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse any more refuse.
4) Polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead the dog if he got the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to dessert his dessert in the desert.
7) There's no time like the present, so he decided to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I didn't object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to be able to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell into a sewer pipe.
16) To help with the planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind in the sail.
18) After a number of injections by the dentist, my jaw got number.
19) On seeing the tear in the painting, I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a test on the subject of English.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

No.15 caught me out in a craptic crossword once!

 

[Yorkieguy]

I read that one multiple times and couldn’t work out what was wrong…

That isn't wrong, but the original that I posted, stated 'dessert his dessert in the desert, which a sharp-eyed Phil Pascoe picked up thus:

6) The soldier decided to dessert his dessert in the desert.

... desert his dessert in the desert.

‘Dessert’: (Double ‘s’): The sweet course eaten at the end of a meal.

"a dessert of chocolate mousse".

The two meanings of desert, but different pronunciations:

Arid land with usually sparse vegetation. especially: such land having a very warm climate and receiving less than 25 centimetres (10 inches) of sporadic rainfall annually. (Of which the two largest do not have any sand – only ice).
Geographically defined by lines known as 'isohyets' - lines drawn on a map connecting points having equal rainfall at a certain time or for a stated period, rather like 'isobars' which define differing barometricand pressures. (Hold that thought - it might pop up in a pub quiz).

World’s largest Deserts:

Antarctic Polar Desert: 14 million km² (5.4 million square miles).
Arctic Polar Desert: 13.7 million km² (5.3 million square miles).
Sahara Desert: 9.2 million km² (3.5 million square miles).
Arabian Desert: 2.3 million km² (800,000 square miles).
Gobi Desert: 1.295 million km² (500,000 square miles).

2) Desert – same spelling – different pronunciation: Meaning ‘to Abandon’. Lots of synonyms and colloquialisms. (Leave, give up, cast off, turn one's back on, betray, jilt, neglect, shun, leave high and dry, leave in the lurch, leave behind, leave stranded, maroon, relinquish, renounce, walk/run out on, rat on, drop, dump, ditch, give someone the push, give someone the’ big ‘E (elbow), bin off, renege on, repudiate, forswear, wash one's hands of, have no more truck with, have done with, abjure, disavow, recant, cast off/aside, shun, neglect, relinquish, renounce).

Just need to sit back now and wait for someone to chime in and ask 'What's this doing in a Joke Thread?', inferring that I've had my sense of humour surgically removed and could bore the boobs off a buffalo at 1,000 Metres.

 

[John Brown]

That isn't wrong, but the original that I posted, stated 'dessert his dessert in the desert, which a sharp-eyed Phil Pascoe picked up thus:


... desert his dessert in the desert.

‘Dessert’: (Double ‘s’): The sweet course eaten at the end of a meal.

"a dessert of chocolate mousse".

The two meanings of desert, but different pronunciations:

Arid land with usually sparse vegetation. especially: such land having a very warm climate and receiving less than 25 centimetres (10 inches) of sporadic rainfall annually. (Of which the two largest do not have any sand – only ice).
Geographically defined by lines known as 'isohyets' - lines drawn on a map connecting points having equal rainfall at a certain time or for a stated period, rather like 'isobars' which define differing barometricand pressures. (Hold that thought - it might pop up in a pub quiz).

World’s largest Deserts:

Antarctic Polar Desert: 14 million km² (5.4 million square miles).
Arctic Polar Desert: 13.7 million km² (5.3 million square miles).
Sahara Desert: 9.2 million km² (3.5 million square miles).
Arabian Desert: 2.3 million km² (800,000 square miles).
Gobi Desert: 1.295 million km² (500,000 square miles).

2) Desert – same spelling – different pronunciation: Meaning ‘to Abandon’. Lots of synonyms and colloquialisms. (Leave, give up, cast off, turn one's back on, betray, jilt, neglect, shun, leave high and dry, leave in the lurch, leave behind, leave stranded, maroon, relinquish, renounce, walk/run out on, rat on, drop, dump, ditch, give someone the push, give someone the’ big ‘E (elbow), bin off, renege on, repudiate, forswear, wash one's hands of, have no more truck with, have done with, abjure, disavow, recant, cast off/aside, shun, neglect, relinquish, renounce).

Just need to sit back now and wait for someone to chime in and ask 'What's this doing in a Joke Thread?', inferring that I've had my sense of humour surgically removed and could bore the boobs off a buffalo at 1,000 Metres.

There are a class of words in English that can function as nouns or verbs, such as contract, impact, etc. The distinction is made by the emphasis being applied to the first or second syllable. Desert(noun) and desert(vb) narrowly misses falling into this category, but it's fairly obvious that the two words are derived from the same root

How many words can you think of that end in gress?

 

[selectortone]

How many words can you think of that end in gress?

Progress? As in 'Can we please progress on to some jokes?'

 

[Phil Pascoe]

Yes. Mustn't digress.

 

[John Brown]

Sorry, didn't mean to transgress..

 

[Blackswanwood]

 

[Blackswanwood]

 

[Blackswanwood]

 

[Yorkieguy]

Progress? As in 'Can we please progress on to some jokes?'

I knew it wouldn't take long!
If you insist:

 

[Thingybob]

Here you go then - 21 reasons why English can be so hard to learn:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse any more refuse.
4) Polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead the dog if he got the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to dessert his dessert in the desert.
7) There's no time like the present, so he decided to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I didn't object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to be able to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell into a sewer pipe.
16) To help with the planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind in the sail.
18) After a number of injections by the dentist, my jaw got number.
19) On seeing the tear in the painting, I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a test on the subject of English.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

That was great thanks always remember a Polo mint advert where an Indian was saying "you English have so many meanings for the same word"

 

[Thingybob]

That isn't wrong, but the original that I posted, stated 'dessert his dessert in the desert, which a sharp-eyed Phil Pascoe picked up thus:


... desert his dessert in the desert.

‘Dessert’: (Double ‘s’): The sweet course eaten at the end of a meal.

"a dessert of chocolate mousse".

The two meanings of desert, but different pronunciations:

Arid land with usually sparse vegetation. especially: such land having a very warm climate and receiving less than 25 centimetres (10 inches) of sporadic rainfall annually. (Of which the two largest do not have any sand – only ice).
Geographically defined by lines known as 'isohyets' - lines drawn on a map connecting points having equal rainfall at a certain time or for a stated period, rather like 'isobars' which define differing barometricand pressures. (Hold that thought - it might pop up in a pub quiz).

World’s largest Deserts:

Antarctic Polar Desert: 14 million km² (5.4 million square miles).
Arctic Polar Desert: 13.7 million km² (5.3 million square miles).
Sahara Desert: 9.2 million km² (3.5 million square miles).
Arabian Desert: 2.3 million km² (800,000 square miles).
Gobi Desert: 1.295 million km² (500,000 square miles).

2) Desert – same spelling – different pronunciation: Meaning ‘to Abandon’. Lots of synonyms and colloquialisms. (Leave, give up, cast off, turn one's back on, betray, jilt, neglect, shun, leave high and dry, leave in the lurch, leave behind, leave stranded, maroon, relinquish, renounce, walk/run out on, rat on, drop, dump, ditch, give someone the push, give someone the’ big ‘E (elbow), bin off, renege on, repudiate, forswear, wash one's hands of, have no more truck with, have done with, abjure, disavow, recant, cast off/aside, shun, neglect, relinquish, renounce).

Just need to sit back now and wait for someone to chime in and ask 'What's this doing in a Joke Thread?', inferring that I've had my sense of humour surgically removed and could bore the boobs off a buffalo at 1,000 Metres.

I was going to reply but was distracted by a heard of boobless buffalo stampeding across the garden which now means my insurance claim is validated

 

[TRITON]

 

[TRITON]