Joke Thread 4 (closed).
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I give up. Absolutely no self control in this forum. 
cisamcgu
Established Member
If a joke fails to be a joke because of obvious errors, is it not right to point it out ?I give up. Absolutely no self control in this forum.
Otherwise, just type any random sequence of words and claim it is funny .
e,g,
Wife : Hello dear nice day at work ?
Husband : Oh gods, the dentist ate the lizard.
But do we really need constant “I didn’t get it” or “yeah me too”. Comments? There is a seperate thread for discussing the jokes.
Blackswanwood
Still Learning
woodhutt
Established Member
A Kiwi bloke is drinking with his mates when his mobile rings. It's the hospital to tell him that his wife's just given birth to a baby boy weighing 25 lbs. When he announces this to the bar and tells them the weight, his mates give him a rousing cheer and a woman nearby faints with sympathy pains.
A couple of weeks later he walks into the bar and the barman asks him how's his new son and what's his weight now. 'He's fine,' says the Kiwi, 'weighs 20 lbs now.'
The barman asks how come the baby's lost weight and the Kiwi tells him proudly, 'We just had him circumcised.'
A couple of weeks later he walks into the bar and the barman asks him how's his new son and what's his weight now. 'He's fine,' says the Kiwi, 'weighs 20 lbs now.'
The barman asks how come the baby's lost weight and the Kiwi tells him proudly, 'We just had him circumcised.'
Alex H
Established Member
A chap is fishing and hooks a salmon, he reels it in and is just going to kill it for his dinner when the salmon looks at him and implores,
"Hey mate, don't kill me, I'm only a baby, I haven't swum the seven seas yet, give me a chance pal.”
The man looks at the salmon "Hey, you can talk?" "Course I can. Go on put me back, there's much bigger fish under the bridge.” "All right, I'll put you back, what's your name?” "Rusty" answers the salmon, "And yours?" "My name's Dave."
He puts the fish back in the water & resolves to say nothing to anyone, for fear that he'll become a laughing stock.
Ten years later Dave's fishing in the same spot & he hooks a monster. It takes him two hours to land it. He looks at it & pictures it on his dinner plate. Just then the salmon opens one eye & looks at him "Dave, is that you?"
"Rusty, I don't believe it! It must be ten years since I let you go, what have you been doing?"
"Well Dave, I've had a fantastic time. I've swum the seven seas & all the oceans. In fact, I've just come across the Atlantic, but I was really disturbed."
"Why's that Rusty"?
"Well, I was half way across & a voice told me to swim deeper, so I did, deeper & deeper & I found this huge shipwreck. I counted four funnels. It felt like death so I hurriedly left."
"Wow Rusty, that was the Titanic. It sank & almost all on board were drowned."
"Ah, I knew it, in fact, I was so upset I had to sit down & write a poem about it."
"A poem, don't talk daft, you're just a fish, how can you write a poem? That's rubbish."
"No Dave, really, it's available in all bookshops now."
"Ok. so what's it called then?"
"Salmon Rusty’s Titanic Verses.”
"Hey mate, don't kill me, I'm only a baby, I haven't swum the seven seas yet, give me a chance pal.”
The man looks at the salmon "Hey, you can talk?" "Course I can. Go on put me back, there's much bigger fish under the bridge.” "All right, I'll put you back, what's your name?” "Rusty" answers the salmon, "And yours?" "My name's Dave."
He puts the fish back in the water & resolves to say nothing to anyone, for fear that he'll become a laughing stock.
Ten years later Dave's fishing in the same spot & he hooks a monster. It takes him two hours to land it. He looks at it & pictures it on his dinner plate. Just then the salmon opens one eye & looks at him "Dave, is that you?"
"Rusty, I don't believe it! It must be ten years since I let you go, what have you been doing?"
"Well Dave, I've had a fantastic time. I've swum the seven seas & all the oceans. In fact, I've just come across the Atlantic, but I was really disturbed."
"Why's that Rusty"?
"Well, I was half way across & a voice told me to swim deeper, so I did, deeper & deeper & I found this huge shipwreck. I counted four funnels. It felt like death so I hurriedly left."
"Wow Rusty, that was the Titanic. It sank & almost all on board were drowned."
"Ah, I knew it, in fact, I was so upset I had to sit down & write a poem about it."
"A poem, don't talk daft, you're just a fish, how can you write a poem? That's rubbish."
"No Dave, really, it's available in all bookshops now."
"Ok. so what's it called then?"
"Salmon Rusty’s Titanic Verses.”
Doug B
Shy Tot
This resonated with me 
stuart little
Established Member
Not all of 'em.
stuart little
Established Member
stuart little
Established Member
Thank you, err,umm, ah, Thingybob!Welcome back emoji little
stuart little
Established Member
artie
Sawdust manufacturer.
I was hoping someone would spell it out for me.
cisamcgu
Established Member
But, often, there are jokes I don't understand, then someone "explains" it, or gives a hint, and then realisation dawns and I can appreciate and enjoy the joke - if people cannot question or explain them, then no one learns anything
Jameshow
Established Member
Doug B
Shy Tot
Blackswanwood
Still Learning
The_Yellow_Ardvark
Established Member
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