Five favourite quotes.

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As you get older never trust a fart, never miss the chance to have a pee and never waste an *rection
 
Two that go together:

"Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent" - Hari Seldon, (Isaak Azimov, Foundation).

“Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.”​

― H.L. Mencken, Prejudices First Series
I hate to be pedantic but it was Salvor Hardin. Hari Seldon had been long dead by that point.
 
One in a million chances happen nine times out of ten - Terry Pratchett.

Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones. - Marcus Aurelius
 

On two occasions, I have been asked [by members of Parliament], 'Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?' I am not able to rightly apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question.”​

― Charles Babbage
Well, they were MPs.
 
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