Another Joke

[Droogs]

Oh sneaky making him check his maths first lol

 

[AES]

View attachment 102946

I presume from the joke Doug, that that fiver is no longer current in UK???

Reason for asking (off topic for jokes, sorry) is that I've got several just like that tucked away from my last trip to UK (can't remember when that was now). Also I don't know (present stancumcircers) when I'll go to UK again, so for how much longer can I take those fivers of mine to a (UK) bank and get my money back please? (If they are superseded now, my Swiss bank won't want them any more I don't think).

Sorry for thread drift folks, I really didn't know, 'onest.

 

[Doug B]

A Liverpool woman has been fined £15,000 for holding illegal Botox parties at his house, none of her clients looked surprise.

 

[Doug B]

Paper fivers went out of circulation in May 2017 @AES though they always retain their face value which the Bank of England will honour, some high street banks will also change them for new or let you pay them into your account just depends on who you bank with.

 

[stuckinthemud]

Yeh but those paper fivers are going up in value as collector's items (not joking), you'd be better off hanging on to them.

 

[AES]

Yeh but those paper fivers are going up in value as collector's items (not joking), you'd be better off hanging on to them.

Really? I doubt it here (but who knows). Just FYI, what's replaced "paper" fivers? A coin of some sort?

Again, sorry for thread drift, especially in a jokes section, but it really IS news to me (funny how you find some things out, isn't it)?

 

[Sachakins]

I'll do you a good deal and give you a dozen of my half-crowns for it.

How many farthing is that then.

 

[Phil Pascoe]

1440.

 

[mikej460]

How about 50 florins

 

[stuckinthemud]

Ok, so, in the spirit of a money conversation in a joke thread, a true story. My Nan, about 10 years ago discovered in an old handbag a half dozen £1 notes, when she went into town she popped in her bank who gave her 6 £1 coins. She was thrilled until she walked past the antiques shop window display offering £5 per note....

 

[Sandyn]

Not really a joke, but an amusing true story. When I was young, I lived and worked on a farm. The vet was in one day to do various things which I won't mention, but he also had to check the bull which meant getting it into a cattle crate. A cattle crate is just a box with a neck clamp at one end, so you have to get the animal into the crate. I had the bull on a rope on it's nose ring. Normally this will work well, but for whatever reason, the bull just refused to go into the crate. I pulled it, pushed it, whacked it, twisted it's tail. I tried everything to get the one ton beast to move. After a while my father came up, looked at me as if I was stupid, picked up his walking stick and said 'That's not how to do it' He then gave the bull a VERY severe poke in the testicles with his stick. I have never seen such a big animal move so fast in my life. It also took the metal cattle crate about 2 metres across the farm yard. Needless to say, from then on if ever my father told me to hurry up and he was carrying his walking stick, I was off like a shot!!

 

[Doug B]

According to the Bank of England there are still 118 million paper £5 note still out there & a total value of £1.5 billion in both £5 & £10 paper notes so I doubt you’re going to get seriously rich holding on to your old fivers unless you have a rare one.
I’ve a few old notes including one of the later 10 shilling notes & pound notes etc but they’re not worth very much.

 

[Doug B]

 

[niemeyjt]

Just FYI, what's replaced "paper" fivers? A coin of some sort?

Plastic notes rather than paper

edit - where are you near Basel - was in Oberdorf (BL) last week.

 

[Phill05]

An elderly lady walked into the Bank one morning with a bag full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the manager of the Bank because she had a lot of money.
After much discussions (after all, the client is always right) the employee took the elderly lady to the manager’s office.

The manager of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her bag on his desk and replied, "£165,000". The manager was curious and asked how she had been able to accumulate so much money. The elderly lady replied that she had made some bets.
The manager was surprised and asked, "What kind of bets?"
The elderly lady replied, "Well, I could make a bet with you for let's say £25,000 that your testicles are square."
The manager burst out laughing and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that.
The woman never batted an eye. She just looked the manager straight in the face and said, "Well would you like to take on my impossible bet then?" "Certainly", replied the manager. "I'll bet you £25,000 that my testicles are not square."
"Done", said the elderly lady "But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 o' clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness."

"No problem at all", said the manager of the Bank confident he's going to win this bet.

Later that night, the manager began to get very nervous thinking about that large bag of money the lady had and the bet he had made and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was absolutely positive that no one could ever consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet.

The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock with a knock on the Manager’s office door the elderly lady had arrived with her lawyer to acknowledge the £25,000 bet made the day before that the manager’s testicles were square.
The manager confirmed that the bet was still the same one they made the day before. Then the elderly lady carefully laid out £25.000 on the desk and asked him would he please drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.
The manager was happy to oblige.
The elderly woman came closer so she could get a better look and asked the manager If he would mind if she could touch them. "Of course", said the manager. "Given the amount of money involved, you must be 100% sure."
The elderly woman rolled them in her hand twisted them one way then the other and with a quaint little smile and a wink of her eye she said "yes I concede you have won the bet of £25.000".

The manager was elated he had won the £25.000 dancing around pulling his pants up he noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall.

He asked the elderly lady "why was the lawyer doing that" to which she replied, "Oh, most probably because last night I bet him £100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the Manager of the Bank! In my hand"

 

[niemeyjt]

 

[Doug B]

Don’t forget chaps it’ll be here before you know it

 

[Sandyn]

Apparently owls will never mate when it's raining..... It's too wet to woo!!

The people in Dubai don't like the Flintstones, but the people in Abu Dhabi do!!

 

[AES]

Ohhhhhhhhh! Angie, MikeK: We definitely DO need a groan emoji thingy!!!!!!

 

[Sandyn]

Just found out that the Queen Margaret Hospital Autopsy Club are having an open Mike night.......