Phrases that make your heart sink...

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StevieB":3dmfnwkp said:
Said by SWMBO, usualy in response to the question 'what's wrong'

nothing....
in that vain I think I should post up these


The Man Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down


Finally ,
the guys' side of the story.
( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear
' the rules '

From the female side.


Now here are the rules from the male side.


Please note.. these are all numbered '1 '

ON PURPOSE!


1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.


1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1 Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work

Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem
only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.



1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.

Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the
other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.


1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did
NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not
A colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have
no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will
be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.


1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really
.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball
or
golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape.
Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
 
Dibs-h":10ys512y said:
"first you will need to remove the front bumper and lights assembly followed by the radiators". All for a bloody belt or tensioner!
Someone else with a Saab, then? :roll:

From certain customers, "whilst you are here would you just mind takingf a look at this.....". Which you just know is going to be half a days' work which they won't want to pay for :?
 
"Fasten the widget securely. On no account......."

"The cabin crew will shortly be coming round with your inflight snack"

"Who did you say built this?"
 
"For those of you who are frequent flyers, you may have noticed that we have been unable to get the flaps down. Nothing to worry about as we've been trained for this sort of thing. Just that the landing will be a bit faster and bumpier than normal".

That one was actually true and occurred on an inbound flight we were on to LGW. Not only made the heart sink but also the buttocks clench.
 
RogerS":349wf403 said:
That one was actually true and occurred on an inbound flight we were on to LGW. Not only made the heart sink but also the buttocks clench.

I've got two of those:

First one after a particularly heavy landing at New Orleans, the pilot came on the speaker and said in a real Southern drawl "Waal, Laze un Gennulmen, now that we've arrarved in Noo Orlins and by heck Ah do mean arrarved"

Secodn one on a BA flight into Milan, pilot says "Well Ladies and Gentlemen, I bet you never knew that 160 tons could bounce!"
 
wizer":13qrxa68 said:
Hitch":13qrxa68 said:
'I think i'm pregnant'

That wasn't a heart sinker, it was truly terrifying... :shock: :lol:

You're telling me! If I hadn't been standing on a railway platform in a foreign country with a schedule to keep I would have gone home and drunk myself into a parallel universe.

Anway, my contribution:

"I'll do it..."
or
"How much did that cost?"
 
"Can you pick up this, this, this and this on your way home" (I'll forget at least 3 of them.... :roll: :wink:
 
My wife was expecting (this was before ultrasound) and she was feeling uncomfortable went to see a specialist at the hospital, he took one look at her and said " down to X ray please for a multiple". 2 weeks later twins.
 
Not sure this fits the title of the thread but, I cant stand the use of "early doors " and "fess up" I cant understand the logic of the first one and the second is just stupid.
 
newt":z4buboxf said:
Not sure this fits the title of the thread but, I cant stand the use of "early doors " and "fess up" I cant understand the logic of the first one and the second is just stupid.
Isn't 'early doors' a reference to when pubs used to have 2 opening times and close up in between?

Fess up is just a 'murrican *******isation, and a bit annoying.
 
TrimTheKing":2s9ova7k said:
newt":2s9ova7k said:
Not sure this fits the title of the thread but, I cant stand the use of "early doors " and "fess up" I cant understand the logic of the first one and the second is just stupid.
Isn't 'early doors' a reference to when pubs used to have 2 opening times and close up in between?

Fess up is just a 'murrican *******isation, and a bit annoying.

For sure. Sorry - pet hate - bring back 'certainly'.
 
With reference to the pub for early doors that may be it but, at the weekend a guy on the TV said the "goal was scored early doors". What would a young person trying to learn our language think of that statement. Why use such a silly phrase. He should Fess up :twisted:
 
newt":1iy91b71 said:
With reference to the pub for early doors that may be it but, at the weekend a guy on the TV said the "goal was scored early doors". What would a young person trying to learn our language think of that statement. Why use such a silly phrase. He should Fess up :twisted:
;)

Fo' Sho'!
 
Tony Spear":2vud4qb8 said:
RogerS":2vud4qb8 said:
That one was actually true and occurred on an inbound flight we were on to LGW. Not only made the heart sink but also the buttocks clench.

I've got two of those:

First one after a particularly heavy landing at New Orleans, the pilot came on the speaker and said in a real Southern drawl "Waal, Laze un Gennulmen, now that we've arrarved in Noo Orlins and by heck Ah do mean arrarved"

Secodn one on a BA flight into Milan, pilot says "Well Ladies and Gentlemen, I bet you never knew that 160 tons could bounce!"

I like the one where the camp flight attendant refers to the pilot as Captain Kangaroo. :lol:
 

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