Need to escape/reset

[Terry - Somerset]

Bingy man is right - just play the game. There are a couple of thoughts which may help:

• if you are not already a union member, join one now. This is something I did when concerned about my job despite having spent 30+ years working without belonging. I knew that if push came to shove they would feel obligated to provide advice and support.
• there is a difference between a "service occupancy" and a "tenancy" - I am not sure on what basis you occupy your house. Link clarifies - Property. This could be important as your rights could be very different depending on the basis.

I am not a lawyer, don't know the answers, but would suggest you carefully read and understand your contract of employment and any property documents.

Most internet searches provide commentary on what happens to your right to occupy if you leave the job. Your situation is the reverse - if the school attempt to evict you because of the state of the property could this amount to constructive or unfair dismissal for which compensation could be sought.

The unions (or possibly citizens advice) could be a big help in understanding your obligations and rights.

I sincerely hope you are able to get things sorted.

 

[Keith Cocker]

I’m so sorry you are having these difficulties. My experience of new governing regimes in school is mainly anecdotal but Academy Trusts seem much worse than the old local authority education departments. Having said that you naturally have to deal with the world as it is rather than how it should be. In addition to their responsibility to you as an employee they have a responsibility for the wellbeing of the property. They clearly believe the volume of “stuff” is detrimental to the property and represents a risk. I can see their point. Their offer of three months grace to get it sorted seems a reasonable concession on their part. Reading between the lines it seems to me that if you haven’t significantly improved the situation by then they will be starting a process that will see you homeless and out of a job. Don’t you think it’s time for your wife to face up to this reality? I think a combination of tip, eBay, giving away to friends and paying for some storage should be you strategy in the next couple of months - don’t take it to the wire. I’m sorry if this seems harsh but from my perspective of an outsider getting rid of stuff is less important that keeping your job and home. Good luck.

 

[Stigmorgan]

We intend to clear the rooms as soon as she gets back from her trip to Bosnia with the dog charity, a friend has a caravan and we have asked if we can rent it for a while a put stuff in there. I have always kept clear access to the gas meters in the garage, the reason they didn't go in was because they didn't want to get dusty not because they couldn't. When I showed Veda the letter she got upset and walked out, she stayed at her friends that night. I will be leaving at some point but it will be on my terms not theirs.

 

[Tris]

Looking back at the threads you have posted showing all the wonderful and creative things you have done there, over and above what is called for by any job description, makes it so much worse that you have come to feeling this way. I'm sure your efforts have been appreciated by those who are there day to day.

Time to build your parachute

 

[Bingy man]

We intend to clear the rooms as soon as she gets back from her trip to Bosnia with the dog charity, a friend has a caravan and we have asked if we can rent it for a while a put stuff in there. I have always kept clear access to the gas meters in the garage, the reason they didn't go in was because they didn't want to get dusty not because they couldn't. When I showed Veda the letter she got upset and walked out, she stayed at her friends that night. I will be leaving at some point but it will be on my terms not theirs.

Exactly from how you described your situation at the start of this thread and the way she was feeling and how this was affecting you she has done incredibly well, from my experience and understanding she has admitted the problem is real and she has taken steps to put things right, as a couple you have both committed to putting this right and this should’ve been taken into account and the obvious improvements noted and credited to you . Interesting to hear what @Derek Cohen (Perth Oz) says on this but in my experience it could of had a detrimental impact on her progress ( hopefully not ) reassure her that it’s important you both continue with your journey to clear out the remaining rooms and sounds like the garage just needs a good clean throughout so the poor little millennials don’t get a bit of dust on their clothes.. yep it’s game on and you have our support on your side so it should easily be a win for you both ..

 

[Jester129]

I was one of the earliest to reply to your original post, and have to agree that some of your stuff is truly outstanding! On the home front it looks as if you're getting progress, so time to pat yourself on the back (nobody else will), roll your sleeves up and get on with it when she gets back - when will that be? As you say, make sure it is on your terms, you know what to do.
There's a LOT of people on here rooting for you! All the very best fella! Jeff

 

[Stigmorgan]

I was one of the earliest to reply to your original post, and have to agree that some of your stuff is truly outstanding! On the home front it looks as if you're getting progress, so time to pat yourself on the back (nobody else will), roll your sleeves up and get on with it when she gets back - when will that be? As you say, make sure it is on your terms, you know what to do.
There's a LOT of people on here rooting for you! All the very best fella! Jeff

She will be back Tuesday evening just after our goddaughter and partner arrive down from Sheffield for a couple of days whilst it's half term (they're both teachers) I have some work planned over the weekends also, this Saturday trimming a colleagues hedge, Sunday I am over at my tree surgeons house as his wife bought him a lathe so I'm going to help him set it up and show him some basics. Next weekend I will be going to a friend's to measure up for a new fence and gate in his back garden. Then after that a local builder who is one of our dads has said he can give me cash work as a labourer at weekends occasionally, really need to start making up the shortfall in finances as Veda is still struggling to find a job beyond a bit of dog sitting here and there and working as a PA for a family with children that need extra help in the evenings a few days a week.
We will sort through as much as we can and put some bits in a friend's caravan for a week or two while the inspection is done.

 

[Jester129]

I get that the extra income from weekend work is needed, BUT remember that you have to get the house sorted to an acceptable level in 3 months. That time will disappear quickly if you're not careful. I am truly trying to help here. Don't forget that you need rest time as well, it's no good if you burn yourself out. Take care.

 

[Stigmorgan]

I get that the extra income from weekend work is needed, BUT remember that you have to get the house sorted to an acceptable level in 3 months. That time will disappear quickly if you're not careful. I am truly trying to help here. Don't forget that you need rest time as well, it's no good if you burn yourself out. Take care.

I know, it's not going to be every weekend and whilst Veda is out of work a lot will be done during the week as well as the weekends, a couple of friends have offered help too so I'm confident it will be done, the extra income is needed so that she stops stressing about not having a regular income and at risk of losing the car if payments aren't kept up, the less stressed she is the more she will be able to focus on the house so if I need to work every available hour of the week for a few months then so be it.

 

[Morag Jones]

Well all the best to you and hope it works out. Looking in from the outside, it sounds a bit as though everyone is wanting a bit of you and you are too nice to let them down. Don't be afraid to put Mr S Morgan first now and again.

 

[Stigmorgan]

Well all the best to you and hope it works out. Looking in from the outside, it sounds a bit as though everyone is wanting a bit of you and you are too nice to let them down. Don't be afraid to put Mr S Morgan first now and again.

I get time to myself, time at the lathe is time away from the world and my plant collection is growing keeping me close to nature whilst at home (have a new Monstera I'm studying how to care for)

 

[Jameshow]

I'd suggest getting rid of stuff, rather than storing it, you only have to carry it with you later on. Getting rid might also be helpful in dealing with any understanding lying issues your Mrs may have which manifest themselves through the hoarding.

 

[Bingy man]

Good morning @Stigmorgan , hoping all is well . Just wanted to check in and having read the last few posts I can confirm getting rid of unused items is in itself therapeutic my workshop seems to have spread like Japanese knot weed and my living room has been taken over . Am I concerned or worried- a little but it will get sorted sooner rather than later. Don’t worry about anything you have not used for more than a year ( not including wood or tools of course) but all the other stuff we seem to keep justified by the words ( that is handy to keep) or ( I can keep that as spares for ) we just end up with boxes and boxes of stuff we never use ..take care ( both of you )

 

[MorrisWoodman12]

Good morning @Stigmorgan . I trust you and yours are keeping well. I must admit that I haven't followed this thread avidly but I do wish you and Veda all the best. A couple of comments if I may.
Storage: I found when I removed stuff that I had put into storage for a couple of years that I didn't need half of it and may have been better throwing it all away and simply buying the bits I did need anew as and when I eventually wanted it. The storage costs would have covered buying afresh.
I notice that Veda does occasional dog walking. Does like cats? My daughter set up a business caring for cats in their owners home while their owners are away. She goes in and feeds the cat, gives medication if required and cleans the litter tray. Once or twice a day as the owners want. At £30 a visit per cat. I think maybe +£20 for each additional cat. She WhatsApps a photo each day so the owners can see their beloved ***** is happy. People book her when they are going away for a weekend or even a couple of weeks. Christmas tends to be very busy though. I can't believe how lucrative it is turning out to be. Just a thought.
All the best and hope you get things sorted enough to make the Gestapo happy.
Martin

 

[Stigmorgan]

Thanks guys, things are kind of static at the minute, V is trying to make sure she has enough dog/house sitting work booked in to make the car payments but that means she is out far more than she is home so nothing is getting sorted, as I've said previously, 90% of the stuff that needs clearing belongs to her and if I even think about going through any of it without her it will cause WW3 so I'm just pottering in the house trying to do what little I can but have to admit with only 8 weeks left to the deadline I'm not feeling very considered at the minute.
Work is what it is, I'm not happy there but until I can afford to move I need to just crack on and do what I have to do to keep them happy.

 

[Jameshow]

How about hitting it over a couple of weekends and reward yourselves with a takeaway / movie night afterwards?

Just a thought!

 

[Stigmorgan]

@Jameshow if I can find a weekend she isn't booked for house/dog sitting I will but it need more than a couple of weekends, tbh I don't think 8 weeks is enough at the minute.

 

[Bingy man]

Thanks guys, things are kind of static at the minute, V is trying to make sure she has enough dog/house sitting work booked in to make the car payments but that means she is out far more than she is home so nothing is getting sorted, as I've said previously, 90% of the stuff that needs clearing belongs to her and if I even think about going through any of it without her it will cause WW3 so I'm just pottering in the house trying to do what little I can but have to admit with only 8 weeks left to the deadline I'm not feeling very considered at the minute.
Work is what it is, I'm not happy there but until I can afford to move I need to just crack on and do what I have to do to keep them happy.

This is where things get difficult and almost a catch 22 - with respect maintaining any payments be they car finance, rent , mortgage, credit card etc is of course very important but it won’t be any use if you ( god forbid ended up with no job and no home ) would it not be possible albeit on a temporary basis to have the pets at your home while you both tackle the clear out , yes it would be a mistake for you to just start binning her stuff while she’s not present but in your own words -8 weeks is not long if nothing else is happening. Shame as the initial work and efforts on her part to sort this issue was very positive and then the efforts from both of you was inspiring. Try not to loose sight of your goal . Another option could be temporary storage then at least you have not thrown it out .. take care and I truly hope you can find a way through this..

 

[Jester129]

Hi Stig. As I stated before, time is your enemy and there is never enough of it! You must sit down and TALK! Irrespective of car payments, this is YOUR HOME and JOB. Sorry to seem a tad aggressive, but someone needs to be honest. You CANNOT give them a reason to get you out. You said it, you want it to be on your terms. The pair of you need to get your fingers out and get that place sorted!
This harsh talk is really the facts for both of you. Sorry pal, I truly am, but I fear for you. Best wishes.

 

[Daniel2]

Another voice to the above, because we do care.
Sometimes priorities really do have to be made.
Whilst payments need to be kept up, be very careful
that it is not (or becomes), prevarication.
There are 24 hours in a day, and at the moment you
really do have some serious proirities to address.
Even if 1 or 2 hours were spent 5 days a week, some
serious, and visible, progress would be made.
An awful lot of the "luck" we have in life is borne from
ourselves.
You've been given a chance - use it.