Joke Thread II

[Alex H]

 

[The_Yellow_Ardvark]

 

[user 38384]

 

[Amateur]

 

[John Brown]

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Vegetables are good for you. That's not necessarily the same as tasting good.
I'm a happy omnivore, but it does make me laugh when people say "why do vegetarians try to make things that look like burgers or sausages?".
What part of a dead animal looks like a burger?
On the other hand, I like to fashion minced beef into the shape of Brussel sprouts.

 

[Amateur]

 

[Doug B]

 

[The_Yellow_Ardvark]

 

[Alex H]

I delivered a load of bubble wrap to a factory this morning. I asked the manager what he wanted me to do with it, he told me to pop it in the corner. I've only just finished and my fingers are killing me!

 

[stuart little]

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[Jameshow]

You must be blessed!

 

[stuart little]

You must be blessed!

Yup - blessed if I know!

 

[Jameshow]

Yup - blessed if I know!

I meant blessed if you don't have relatives for whom the best medicine is a bottle of red!!

 

[TRITON]

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

Reminds me of the steeplejack Fred Dibnah's quote. "I've never fell off of a big chimney, you'd only fall off one of them once".

Another F/D quote
(Whilst demonstrating how to ladder a chimney) "As you get a bit higher up, the holes have a tendency to get a bit deeper; I think it's called fear"

 

[TRITON]

Vegetables are good for you. That's not necessarily the same as tasting good.
I'm a happy omnivore, but it does make me laugh when people say "why do vegetarians try to make things that look like burgers or sausages?".
What part of a dead animal looks like a burger?
On the other hand, I like to fashion minced beef into the shape of Brussel sprouts.

 

[Phil Pascoe]

Reminds me of the steeplejack Fred Dibnah's quote. "I've never fell off of a big chimney, you'd only fall off one of them once".

I worked (50 years ago) on a bridge 100'+ high - the steel erectors always maintained falling wasn't worth worrying about as it wouldn't hurt.

 

[Kittyhawk]

I worked (50 years ago) on a bridge 100'+ high - the steel erectors always maintained falling wasn't worth worrying about as it wouldn't hurt.

That would be correct - whizzing through the air like superman would be fun. Whacking into the ground at the end of the flight could be a bit of a bummer though..

 

[Doug B]

 

[flying haggis]

I worked (50 years ago) on a bridge 100'+ high - the steel erectors always maintained falling wasn't worth worrying about as it wouldn't hurt.

Agreed, it's not the fall that hurts it's the very sudden stop at the bottom!

 

[GweithdyDU]

Unfortunately that is true enough to be depressing lol.

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